sweet innocence//alone*

You, and more about You!

2009-04-21T16:48:00.005+08:00

I'm back again...

Its only when i have no one to talk to, or i feel that there's no way out, that i turn to blogging as final resort. Blogging is just so virtual, however venting my frustrations here proved useful at times.

When will you ever get over it? I miss those times when we are happy together, you making fun of me, and poking fun of each other... I know whatever i say now, will not atone those wrong doings i've done. I wish we will be back to normal as soon as possible. I realised as time passes by, you're my pillar of support i cannot do without. Ever always there silently and ready to give me that helping hand and listening ear. I have learnt to rely on you very much, so much so that i feel 'helpless' without you there now. I have just taken everything for granted.

Nope, i don't have those xxx feelings anymore. The person i'm referring to will know what i'm talking about. I just wish that we will be friends again, and live those days like we used to poking fun of each other. Is it just a misunderstanding or? What are you thinking? May i know? This is just so frustrating... I know i can never get an answer to this. You never reply my messages.

That very person that i'm referring to, doesn't read my blog. Perhaps, it might be better if he never gets to read it.

This music keeps playing in my mind:

直到爱消失你才懂得

去珍惜身边每个每好风景

只是她早已离去

直到你相逢他早已经

不在对你留恋

最后的你开始了一段挣扎

...

basically its Lee Sheng Jie's 你那麼愛他.

Uni life is coming to an end. Why must it end this way for me??? I hate myself. I have no courage to face you. I have no courage to go to taiwan with you. Perhaps i really shouldn't go. Why should i feel unhappy on an overseas trip? Makes no sense. Will you not forgive me till the end?

Talked to him on MSN at night and realised he still hasn't forgiven me, even though i've apologised. Thousands of apologies doesn't seem to help at this moment. He's really angry. Something he said, which made me upset for as long as i know. Kinda predicted it, but didn't expect it. It was not only upset, it was hurting. Does it mean, there isn't any difference with or without me? Is there really a need to go to this extent and no way out? Will three years of friendship sustained just go down the drain like this? Will you trust me like you used to before? Would you believe in me or you'd rather believe in what other people say? Below is an excerpt of our conversation:

1st i ask him about whether can enter edventure cos i wanted to download something to make it complete set to keep as soft copy. 2nd i asked him about the air tix whether it is an e-air ticket. Then he replied. I asked him why never reply me through sms in the afternoon? Cos i asked him the 1st question through sms in the afternoon. The came the reply:

[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
put in this way, I dun wanna talk to u
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
why?
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
cos i decide to put u into my classmate list
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:

äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
why?
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
that is not fair.
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
so with me arnd or not doesn't make a difference?
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
after what u have done
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
to me
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
u think everything will still be ok?
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
so wat u wan me to do..
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
by keeping quiet nothing can be solved
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
to me
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
心寒
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
i believe u still own an apology to jas
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
but i believe u are not indended to give one anyway
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
so nvm
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
ur call
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
so do u believe in me?
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
if u dun believe i hv no choice..
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
it got nothing to do whether i believe u or not, I'm totally not in the picture
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
i mean. u believe i dun intend to give away the solution?
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
whether u intend to give away or not, u gave
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
it doesn't change the fact
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
and dun tell me u got no choice on it
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
cos the file is with u, it doesn't matter to me u gave out based on what situation
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
the thing is, u didn't ask me
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
and u chose to give out without my permission
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
this is the fact
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
sorry, i know. i was too hasty..
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
wat u wan me to do to atone my wrong doings..dun tell me nothing..i am willing to do anything..within my capability..
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
wanna stop that cold cold feeling..and be back to normal again
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
i dun wan to end uni life like that.
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
maybe you should have thought of this
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
I still would like to thank you though
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
u taught me a valueble lesson

After that, we continued. I'm not really sure he forgive me in the end. He said:

äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
so..
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
wat do u mean..
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
does it hv to go to this extent and nothing can be done..i dun think so..
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
you just don't get it, do u?
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
算了吧
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
別擔心，台灣行還是沒變。我們一樣會玩的很開心
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
erm, got one request, can type in jian ti zi?
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
i dun understand some words in it..
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
no worry, the taiwan trip no changes
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
we'll still enjoy over there
[Ah Tu]天使說：Exam, 是什麼？ says:
I won't make this spoil my mood there
äĥ ρäm aka mίή aka パツミ Bubblesss~ cute girl ^.^ :: 为什么你总爱跟我作对？ o.O [可是我害羞，没勇气。。] [只有失去才懂得跟珍惜。。] [为什么你总爱把喜怒哀乐埋藏在心理？] says:
most importantly, am i forgiven?

As you can see, he didn't answer my last question, highlighted in bold and red. Perhaps i should seek some confirmation in him should i see him online...

I really wonder, do real friends really exist in this world? Are they just imaginery? Are they all fake? Do we really need so-called 'friends'? My definition of friends: will be there for you, and not be so xiao qi (get angry easily). My definition of best friends: will be there for you, offer advices, give you helping hand, help you out when you're in trouble (basically i mean, go the extra mile), and definitely not xiao qi (get angry easily) and forgiving. At one point in time, i had the thought of isolating myself (without friends), i thought it would be better since no one wanna listen to me and i normally don't like to share my thoughts too freely cos i feel its just personal.

Most importantly still, please forgive me~~~ That day will be the happiest day in my life, i might even hug you. LOLs.

=A War In The Name of Freedom=

2008-12-30T12:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

Thanks Alan for accompanying me and giving me advices last night. I think he watched too much drama and he suggested something to deal with my parents, or should i say my dad that is very common in dramas. Here's an excerpt of of what he said:

[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:51 AM:
next thing you should do is go to ur fd's house

[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:51 AM:
or reletive house

[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:54 AM:
tell you something

[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:54 AM:
your parents only have u as their daughter
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:54 AM:
apparently you have no clue abt ur parents' thought
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:54 AM:
and i dun think they will wanna have another baby
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:55 AM:
so they basically putting everything on u
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:55 AM:
it is a war between you and ur parents
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:55 AM:
a war in the name of freedom
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:56 AM:
this is not centry to be good girl/boy
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:57 AM:
so throw away that whatever parents say is right away
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:57 AM:
that is stupid
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:57 AM:
so throw that good girl image away
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:58 AM:
it only shows how childish and immature u are
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:59 AM:
we asked u to fight back all the way, but we nvr ask u to confront ur dad. 硬碰硬you sure lose
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 12:59 AM:
because ur dad controls all ur finance
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:00 AM:
get it?
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:00 AM:
now, to win the war, u must know ur enemy
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:01 AM:
in this case, you need to know what's ur dad's bottom line
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:01 AM:
you said ur dad told u he doesn't want u as his daughter?
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:01 AM:
bullshit la
[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:02 AM:
u try to hide in ur fd's house for 2 days, u will see your pic pasting all over the place in mrt and ur parents crying on tv looking for u

[Ah Tu]天使說：不要為結束而哭泣， sent 30/12/2008 1:04 AM:
believe it or not, even it sounds dramatic, it works damn well

Doesn't it sound like one of the plots from those dramas? And, it even reminds me of Tw news. More dramatic than ever. LOL. He says it works cos he tried before =X.

That aside. Torn in between the fact between being a good girl or not to be. Does it matter? Cos being good or not, in my parents' eyes, or should i say my dad, i'm always NO GOOD. Other people, no matter how bad they are, are ALWAYS GOOD. Rubbish right, nvm, i'm immune to this already. It doesn't matter what i do. Even my own parents look down on me. "Pam, how long are you gonna let people bully you? When are you going to show that you must not be bullied and should not be bullied?!" As long as i look up to myself, i don't care how other people look at me. Does a good friend tell you that being a good girl is stupid? I don't know. Not that i doubt Alan and he is not my good friend or what, but i find it wierd.

I ever mentioned before i have 2 best friends, now i don't think they are fit to have that best friend title. Have they changed or what? Best friends don't leave you in the lurch and not care about you at all. I just experienced being left in the lurch and they didn't bother me at all. Good/Best friends don't lie. Good/Best friends don't tease you. Good/Best friends give you advices and want the best for you. After 3 years of friendship, all these are gone... All people are the same, when they need you, they look for you. When they do not need you, they treat you like shit. Hate this feeling. When will i ever find someone who will treat you truthfully and tell you everything? Or at least, not dump you at one corner? Perhaps, some people after reading this, will try very hard not to fulfill this, so that they will not be my good or best friend. And will try all ways and means irritating me. I don't know. Alan once told me that no one wants to tease me and make fun of me or bully me and if they make fun of me, is just jokingly. No problem if its just jokingly. But if it is repeated time and again, will you like it? Put yourself in my shoes and feel how i feel... Like the $ joke and drawing a line between rich and poor. I feel this is a sensitive issue. I didn't flaunt or say that i'm rich or what, but everytime there's a implication. And no one would fend for me. So if you were me, and people do this to you everytime when there's a chance to, will you like it?

我很烦. Take me away to neverland.

Wishes~

2008-12-02T12:17:00.004+08:00

Wishlist:
1. Companion bring me shopping at The Central, never been there before
2. Havaianas Flip-Flops
3. Canvas Shoes, not sports shoe...
4. Baby-G Watch or Automatic Watch so i don't have to worry about no battery >.<
5. Companion to accompany me to Renew Passport, don't know the way there

6. Shopping for CNY clothes

7. Lavendars

8. Sunflowers

To Do List:
1. New keychain pouch for dad
2. Big cushion case cover
3. My pillow case cover

幸福

2008-07-03T15:25:00.004+08:00

"不知道为什么每当和你在一起时, 紧绷的心情也会松懈下来; 不快乐也会微笑; 也许这就是幸福."

Missing You~

2008-06-19T18:49:00.004+08:00

I'm missing someone now. I'm missing how much i can bully and suan him all i like. Haha. Yes, i'm missing Alan. LOL! So good, he's off to tw with Ting and Wendy for holiday. I just came back from there too =). Ok la, i'm missing Ting and Wendy too (later they jealous =P) But, somehow miss him more, cos i don't have anyone to bully now. Aha, i'm very bad hor? Cos he lets me bully all i like and the best thing is, he doesn't retaliate! I guess that's his weak point ba. Yeah, he's Mr Nice Guy. He lets other people "bully" him too. LOL! Miss his jokes and his cuteness. Don't know whether he is acting cute or is he naturally so cute? Haha, i know what you people are thinking already... Don't think too much wo.

I remembered before exam when Alan, me and Pay Sian went home together. We were in the MRT. Pay Sian told me that Alan told her, the reason of his nick, Black Angel Bear. He said he is black cos he absorb the sins of people 0.0. So funny and cute lo. I was like -.-".

The feeling of being missed is so good. It shows someone treasures you. Does anyone miss me at this very moment? Sighs~ I wish someone misses me. Heh.

Hope to see him back in sg soon! So that i can "bully" him...haha, no la. Miss those days when we would just chat casually, the times when he offers me geniune advices. Yes, the guy whom i turn to when i need someone to talk my problems with. Yeah, you're not seeing things. What's wrong with talking to a guy about your problems? At first, i'm also quite surprised i actually found a guy whom i can click with, whom i can share my problems with. But, gradually, i thought, all these doesn't matter as long as he is willing to listen. Guys are human beings and have feelings too right? LOL. Other than him, i also have two very good poly friends. But, both are busy, so most of the time i turn to him. Yeah, other than them, most probably i won't tell just anyone about my problem ba, unless i can click with them and trust them. Not that if i don't tell them my problem means i don't trust them la, but then, just don't feel that sense of security.

Looking forward to next outing with my group of friends!

吴克群 - 为你写诗

2008-06-19T18:37:00.002+08:00

Currently in love with this song:

曲名：为你写诗歌手：吴克群

吴克群 - 为你写诗

作词：吴克群作曲：吴克群

爱情是一种怪事

我开始全身不受控制

爱情是一种本事

我开始连自己都不是

为你我做了太多的傻事

第一件就是为你写诗

为你写诗为你静止

为你做不可能的事

为你我学会弹琴写词

为你失去理智

为你写诗为你静止

为你做不可能的事

为你弹奏所有情歌的句子

我忘了说最美的是你的名字

爱情是一种怪事

你的笑容是唯一宗旨

爱情是一种本事我在你心里什么位置

为你我做了太多的傻事

第一件就是为你写诗

为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说

最美的是你的名字

为你写诗为你静止

为你做不可能的事

为你我学会弹琴写词

为你失去理智

为你写诗为你静止

为你做不可能的事

为你弹奏所有情歌的句子

我忘了说
最美的是你的名字

我什么都能忘记

但唯一不忘的是你的名字

我什么都能忘记

但唯一不忘的是你的样子

我什么都能忘记

但唯一不忘的是你的名字

我什么都能忘记

但唯一不忘的是你的样子

Simply love the rhythem. It just sounds like it rhymes! The last part sounds like 五月天 - 最重要的小事.

Taiwan Trip : 7 June 2008 - 14 June 2008

2008-06-15T12:10:00.004+08:00

These are the results i got from a self test sent by my friend
F.洞察人心的神秘派。在团体中，你的话并不多，甚至别人对你的印象都是「神秘」。其实你并不是不喜欢和人群在一起，只是你喜欢躲在一边观察，所以你非常能看出别人心里在想什么。你也喜欢和别人讨论命理、星座、占卜之类的学问。
I'm not really sure if this depicts my real character, but i found this phrase particularly true about me: 你的话并不多，甚至别人对你的印象都是「神秘」。 Its for you all to find out =).

Went for tw holiday trip with my family from 7 June 2008 to 14 June 2008. Bought lots of clothes for myself, something different, i got myself dresses, some t-shirts, shoes, doramon slippers. I guess probably my friends would be surprised if i wear dresses to school since they had never seen me wear dresses before. Haha. Well, i just wanted to change my look since i've been wearing t-shirt and jeans all the time =P.

Now will be Alan, Ting and Wendy turn to go to tw. Intended to go with them from 14 June onwards, but my mum had commitments from 16 June onwards, so we had to go earlier. Food in tw is great. Get to taste some of their xiao chi except chou dou fu. Haha...its smelly but i'm immune to it le, not as smelly as i thought. And, i have to say, their portion of serving is real huge! They make sure you eat till you are full wo. *Whispers* no wonder Alan can eat so much =P shhh* LOL, just kidding.

Thinking on what to buy for my friends from tw...i hope they will like it. As for Alan, haha, everyone calls him bear. Trying to find some beary stuff for him, but don't seem to find nice ones...

Oh ya, missed the bbq event on 12 June. Was in tw then, so couldn't attend it. Subject/Course Schedule is out, so we can plan our timetables already. As i'm in tw, i asked Alan to update me on events and updates through sms. Haha, personal messenger...no la, just kidding, just need someone to update me on events and stuff so i won't feel so lost =).

Pam is happy, happy, happy! Lots of new clothings!

李圣杰-很想说

2008-05-04T11:35:00.002+08:00

李圣杰-很想说

you are so beautiful

在我眼里你永远最美

连你一个微笑也都会让我醉

你所谓的幸福我想给

以为手不放开就是痴心绝对

爱与美

难道

笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了

还是真心走了彼此不信任了

终于懂了

真的

很想说有你是幸福的

很想说我的心是你的

很想说你真的误解了

很想说你真的忘记了

my love

笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了

还是真心走了彼此不信任了

终于懂了

真的

很想说有你是幸福的

很想说我的心是你的

很想说你真的误解了

很想说你真的忘记了

很想说会好好疼你的

很想说爱你是自由的

很想说你是否听见了

很想说你真的忘记了

爱了

就有坚持理由

别说我会留在路口不会走

爱你会直到最后

很想说有你是幸福的

很想说我的心是你的

很想说你真的误解了

很想说你真的忘记了

很想说会好好疼你的

很想说爱你是自由的

很想说你是否听见了

很想说我们可不可以复合

Currently, this song this song depicts my feelings.

I Will Be Strong

2008-05-03T23:34:00.003+08:00

Seriously very upset. Imagine this: someone whom you have been very close with treats you very differently and cold. And when you try to show some care and concern as a friend, it becomes worse =X. This change is just too sudden. I miss those days i have with that person, the topics we used to share and everything. It doesn't matter anymore now...cos nothing i do will ever change anything. I feel alienated. Its all over now, i don't wish to think of it. Let it be this way, i will not do anything to retrieve what i've lost. Perhaps this is just what you wanted. Perhaps only this will make you happy...I will grant your wish this very moment.

Nothing much this week. Started work at my dad's office as usual. Indeed, i'm always unhappy whenever i start work there, its the sarcastic remarks they made which made me upset, yet i have to force that smile on my face...zhen de hen tong ku...ru guo you ni zai wo shen bian, rang wo su ku zhe jian shi, na gai duo hao, dan shi, shi jian yi jing gai bian le yi qie, suo yi, sian zai yi qie dou mei guan xi le...rang wo zhi ji yi ge ren cheng dan jiu hao. Shao le ni, ri zi sui ran gu dan, dan shi, wo hui yong gan mian dui yi qie... You were the one who always listened to me, now without you, i will learn to adapt. Your replies were never the same as last time, you have become a totally different person, cold and unfriendly.

I will be strong, i will be, i will be...

Some stuff i wish to do during this hols:
1. Driving Test
2. CCNA?
3. GIA (Basic General and Commercial Insurance) Test?

Tommorow Would Be a Better Day

2008-01-20T12:45:00.000+08:00

Time doesn't seem to be doing good to anything that has passed. Memories still as fresh in my head. I'm upset, i'm afraid. I choose to run away from reality, but i knew this solution won't do good to me. Thousand of times i had to reassure myself that i was ok, that i would be fine... I wanted all that i've lost to be back, but it doesn't seem to be possible. Seriously, i'm missing all those moments we had together. All the laughter, and everything...

People who know me might not know i can't take jokes. I hide too much to myself. I only tell those who are closer to me, perhaps my best friends. Xiao Qi i may be...don't know inherit from who de...ahaaha... Jokes are ok if its said once or twice, but more than that, especially if the joke is aimed at me, i cannot take it... Sorry, but that's me =). How would you feel if pple joke at you more than twice and keep on repeating it day-in-day-out? This won't be a joke anymore, in fact, i feel its more of making fun...

I hope, tommorow would be a better day...

All You Want To Know About Me

2008-01-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

"F.洞察人心的神秘派。在团体中，你的话并不多，甚至别人对你的印象都是「神秘」。其实你并不是不喜欢和人群在一起，只是你喜欢躲在一边观察，所以你非常能看出别人心里在想什么。你也喜欢和别人讨论命理、星座、占卜之类的学问。"

These were my results i got from a self-test i did. Relatively true. I hide most of my feelings, and will only tell to someone i trust or whom i get along fairly well. I get jealous relatively easily, better known as a xiao qi gui >.<. Can't help but give myself this title cos i admit i can get xiao qi at times but just holding it and not showing it out, hoping that my smile could cover all my troubles and everything would be over. Pretty sensitive about surroundings and especially to my closest friends and people i like. Very soft hearted and can offer help to anyone readily if there is a need to, well, almost. That makes me very prone to being cheated and bullied. Petite me always get bullied since young, but its better now, thanks to all my friends who are extra protective of me. Born in the year of Tiger, but i don't feel like one. Timid, small and not fierce at all. No traits of a tiger at all! Boo. Tigers are supposed to be independent and born leaders, isn't it?

Is being small sized good? Definitely no to me! Always get bullied and kanna suanned =X. But some of my friends told me it is not bad afterall cos would get attention from other people and be extra protected. Haha, well, maybe that's true to a certain extent.

Now, i'm keeping somethings from my best friends. And, i don't wish to say it. I don't want to get myself hurt again. I want to put that aside first at the moment. I have been trying hard to pick myself up again. There's a little progress, but it aggrevated yesterday. Now i'm back to square one. The scar would be there forever, for as long as my memory isn't lost.

Christmas + Birthday Wishes~

2007-12-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

Christmas is tommorow but i don't have any programmes lined up. Pretty unusual for a typical teenager eh? Its gonna be pretty lonely this christmas. My best friend, Kelly, went back to China and she would only be back on 7 January, by then, school have already started for me >.<. I guess Lay Kuan won't be free as well, end of year, she might be busy with her stuffs and work. People whom i ask to go out tell me that they are booked way before hand already. Sad~

Haven't received any christmas gifts yet. My christmas wish? Quite simple. All i ask for is world peace and abundance of happiness and joy. Haven't been happy for a long time already, ever since my grandma passed away and several other things bothering me~ Additionally, since results are gonna be released soon, i wish for good grades.

Yeah, a brand new year, 2008. First up is New Year, then Chinese New Year, next, my Birthday on the 22nd March!

Here's my wishlist which i hope to get as my birthday presents in case any of you are thinking of getting one for me =P.

1. Crumpler : Headahitch (Black) or The Hoax (Blue)

2. Musical Note Pendent Necklace from Chameleon

3. Baby-G's : Puppy's Garden BG-1001PP-4 (Baby Blue) or

Baby-G's Standard : BG-81-4E1 (Pink) or

Baby-G's : Standard BG-2000-9 (Yellow)

4. Hachiko's Friend : Mush Mush Plush from Minitoons

Pretty Simple ya? But really hope i could get them fulfilled especially the bag + the necklace! + the watch, especially the Puppy Garden edition. Been wanting to get the necklace since June.

Till next entry, tata!

011207

2007-12-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

1st December 2007 is a day i will remember forever. I believe you have your own difficulties. I will try to be happy and i wish you happiness. I will treasure every moment with you as a friend. Shan't reveal too much here. Perhaps somethings are better kept to myself. A few weeks have passed, i thought i had recovered, but unknown to me, i realised i hadn't. Everytime Saturday came, it reminded me of you and the words you told me. Deep inside me, i still feel very sad and i still can't bring myself to accept this fact. Thinking of you and the happy times we had, although short, still made me tear. I really treasured every moment we had together. Maybe time will heal my wounds, i hope... You will always have a very special place in my heart. I will never find anyone better than you, at least for now.

4th December 2007 is another day i will remember forever. My grandma passed away due to cancer. She suffered the same fate as my grandfather. Now, i don't have any grandparents le =(. Everytime Sunday came, it reminded me of her. Every Sunday, my familiy would go over for dinner. I remember, just one month ago, she was still able to move about although she was already undergoing treatment. One month later and the last Sunday i met her, she wasn't able to talk already... When my parents broke the news to me that my grandma passed away that night, i was shocked, although trying to hide my feelings...

In just a week, too many things happened. In front of my friends and family, i had to act strong. I realised i'm pretty good at acting these days...

Just yesterday, i went for Wendy's birthday party despite feeling unwell. Stomach not feeling well the night before, then the next day i was feeling ok. Only after lunch, my stomach was feeling unwell again, most probably due to the food i eat ~.~. I ate very little...haha, even you realised that, and i tested you and pretended to ask you how did you know? You gave me a funny reply =P. "You thought you are actress meh? Your stomach was feeling unwell the day before, then today, you ate so~little. You think i can't tell meh?"

Ever since you left me, i've been keeping my thoughts more than ever to myself. I thought i should share some with you, but i think i should keep some to myself too. I'm all by myself now. Although short, i finally understood what it is to like/love a person. I wished it could be longer, but you didn't give me nor yourself another chance. I had wanted so much to have that chance, yet everytime, it has to be tarnished. Time and again, when i asked you, you gave me replies which disappoint me everytime. But i told myself, its ok, perhaps you have your own difficulties. I hope i really could have that second chance though. You told me you couldn't bring yourself to do so. Its ok, i'll try to wait. In the meantime, nothing matters, as long as you are happy =).

I ever thought to myself, have you ever liked me before? Did you ever regret knowing me?

One blow after another. I didn't know what i did to deserve this. For one week, i cried almost every night before i went to sleep. It was that terrible... Perhaps you didn't know, that's how big a impact you have on me...

I'm just to sad to go on...perhaps no one would understand me now...

Hectic Life

2007-11-26T12:31:00.000+08:00

Hey! I'm back after one year hiatus. Uni life is super hectic... One year on, my group of friends have an additional member! Alan! Actually he was in the same class as me since sem 1, but guess what, i didn't notice him at all! I auto filter out pple i'm not interested in or do not know =P. He's a nice guy, too bad i didn't get to know him then, i only got to know him in sem 2 when we partnered up to do our Tech Comm module with two of my other friends, it isn't too late too ya? =).

Then we got on to do our special sem elective together... That's my first special sem elective i took in NTU, EE8082 Digital Communications, i wouldn't say its tough, one month to focus on just one subject. You really can have total concentration on it... I don't know if i should reveal my secret here... Only my best friends know it...^.^

Then this sem is pretty hectic. I've got three projects in a row~ 206, 207 and DDP!!! This sem exams left me disappointed, and i've been having exam nightmare till now~I cried whenever i think of it, i'm not sure if i can pass my subjects. I've never felt this way for a very long time~ And when i needed company, that someone is always not there for me =(. I ought to be killed, knowing that my problem lies in my carelessness...

Mentioning about that someone, that someone has changed alot. He/she said that he would be back by the end of the semester but then, i just feel that he is different. That someone used to do many things which left me touched, but i didn't say it out, now its just different, looking back at the smses and emails... I think...well, can't really reveal here much, else my secret would be out... Don't really wish to let anyone know. I hope time will heal all wounds, and perhaps allow me to forget about everything.

One word to describe my feelings now: disappointed. I didn't know a person could change to such an extent, perhaps he/she hated me... And i don't understand, what does it mean when a person have more stuff to talk about to other people than you? It only showed one thing: that he isn't interested in you and does not like to talk to you. Nothing could heal my wound now except for one thing...undisclosed, i don't want to reveal my secret...

Oh ya, i got new nick name! "Pammy!" is my new nick. Sri gave me this new nick~thanks :) Initially not very used to it, and whenever she called me that, my hair stands ~.~. But found it relatively cute though ^.^.

Till next entry...

Life as an Undergraduate in NTU!

2006-08-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hello, its been dinosaur ages since i last blogged...=p. Been busy since school started.

My new chapter of life as an undergraduate began on 7 August 2006. I thought i would be very lost, and i could not find any friends at all, since no one i knew is going to NTU, and com engrg. All those whom i know are getting into com engrg are guys, and they have to serve NS first, so they'd be enrolled of a different badge from me. Sighs~ So...backtrack abit.

Before school started on 7 August, there was the QET. Went with HP, one of my secondary school best friend =). Its been a very long time since i last saw her...as in go out together... Reached the venue, i saw guys EVERYWHERE -.-". No girls ah... I began to fear. I did not dare to speak to anyone... I searched frantically for familar faces, but to no avail. I got fedup...so i just concentrate on the test, hoping i could pass my QET, so i do not have to take an additional subject. My english has always been mediocre. I even failed my O Levels with a D7 grade...so afterall, its not that good. =x After QET, we discussed abit about the test...and then went JP to eat, then went home.

The next day, thursday was common engineering orientation day cum School Of Computer Engineering orientation day. I came with HP. We reached late, but HP friends managed to leave seats for us so we managed to find places to sit. It was a boring long session...-.-".

After that was my school's orientation event. HP accompanied with me there... I waited outside the venue where the orientation was held as i was early. I could only see guys streaming in...no girls at all...gosh...i almost cried~ Then HP say, "good!, maybe can find a guy you like?!" What the...why all my friends tell me this sia...funny...i want to have girl-friends! Again, i searched for familar faces, but to my disappointment, i found none =(. Then, i saw someone very familiar! She was the girl who approached me during graduation day who mistook me for someone! LOL. Then i came to know her! And she has a group of friends, so from there, i began to know 3 more people!!! Then introduced ourselves abit...then went in to sit le... As usual, i was quiet, cos i don't know them very well yet... So, i just keep quiet first.

After that, went home...but we decided to meet tommorow for another orientation...

Friday came, i arrived super early...hahas. So, i just rotted at the BL interchange for half an hour while i wait for my friends to arrive. Nothing much for the orientation, but not as bad as the thursday's one... We got free bags! And, quite grand event also...hahas.

Monday arrived, school reopened! Week 1 quite slack, only lectures. So, it was quite a short day... After Maths lecture wanted to go queue lecture notes, but the queue was super long...so we decided to queue after our Electronic Principles lecture. While deciding whether to queue for the lecture notes, walked around to see the CCA booths, then i saw someone very familiar!!! I recognised him straight away...wah, so glad =)... Haha, i saw Ming Yao... Said "hi" to each other, then straight away ask what course, com sci or com engrg, when he said com engrg, we straight away compare timetables, the same!!! Same lecture, and best of all same tutorial group and lab!!! Finally i found someone same tutorial group as me! All my friends B1, i'm the only B2 odd ball...sobs. Then he went off with his friend le... After lecture, we queued for lecture notes...haiz...damn long queue, but my friends infront, so managed to cut queue...lol. Then after buying, went home...

Next day, Logic Design lecture... After lecture Ming Yao came and ask me whether is there any tutorial for this week or not. I double confirmed with my friends and told him don't have... He like don't believe me sia, ask me sure or not...-.-". Arghs~ Guys... After Electronics lecture, he came and ask me something again -.-". I forgotten what is it le...hahas, so many things to ask ard? All i remember is, first week he's not with my group of friends... Then he keep on telling me he don't know anyone, he only know girls...wahahaha!!!

Second week, got to know some new friends again, Yung Ting, Sri and Anjana.

(to be continued...)

Orientation Week Ahead

2006-07-29T19:03:00.000+08:00

Hey! I'm back! Many of you might of thought i've gone hiatus. Hahas. Sorry, i know its been past one month since i last updated =x. Been busy and can't find time to update. I've got a new colleague! Its non other than my poly classmate cum friend, Lixin! Wahaha, i pulled her into this job lah. Cos she was looking for admin job, then i thought, this job would be quite suitable for her. I know i'm at a disadvantage cos my dad would compare me with her again. Before she came, i was compared with Meiyee, the other staff working there for about 3 years+ when i first joined. My dad had high expectations on me. He expected me to know how to do the stuff there without teaching me. As what he always said, "use eye and see, use brain to think" (in chinese). Sad... I'm expected to know everything and anything...plus, i must do everything and anything correct on the first try, if not second, else, i'm scolded, and mind you, its for something i don't know and i haven't done before! As for Lixin, i could see the different treatment between her and i. Let me give an example. She was taught every single thing from basics and she was reminded time and again the important things she is supposed to do by my dad so that she would not make any mistakes, plus she was told nicely, once, twice, thrice... Good right? For me, i was just thrown a document and i'm supposed to know what to do, when i just started working... I didn't dare to even ask, cos if i ask i would definetely get scolded. And if i did wrongly, confirm get scolded, mind you, that's for the first time i'm doing! How would i know what is the right way of doing it?!!! And its not only this, there are other cases. I shan't list them, the list would go on and on... Yes, i'm jealous...this really isn't fair... Why are other people always treated nicer than your own family people??? I didn't blame my friend for this, but life isn't fair...even your own family members don't want to help you. I have learnt to take this in stride. Its no use dwelling on it. I shall cherish myself even more~

Who knows, one day if i'm gone, no one would come to cherish me~ =x

Forget it...i'm used to this already...perhaps people treat me like shit... What to do, i know i'm pint sized, tiny, looked down upon. I'm resented to fate. I just have to know that i believe in myself, and have trust in myself. I shan't be bothered about what other people comment about me. It isn't worth listening to their comments and then be so upset about it. Why should i care?

Orientation week ahead. Wednesday - QET Test, Thursday - Engineering Freshmen Orientation cum Computer Engineering Orientation, Friday - Freshmen Day. Stupid, so many freshmen orientation, repeated x3! What the...waste my time! Bleahs. Sighs~ my course seems to have more guys enrolling. I would be very very very shy~ gosh. You know, there isn't any topic to talk to a guy! To put it simply, no common topics, plus they are very @#$%^. Aha, i don't know how to describe. Perhaps childish is the word? But, those in Uni should be older than me since they have served army already... Gosh, there comes another concern! The age difference! Argh...whatever, i die die won't talk to guys, unless they come approach me =p. Talking about guys, some of you would be thinking that this might be a good time to look for a bf right -.-"? Please, please, spare me... I think i wouldn't have time for this... Studies come first. If i were working, work come first... Aha, i know, if this were to go on, i wouldn't find anyone i like? Who says? There is, is just that the person doesn't know, or maybe does not have any feeling for me. Just yesterday, I gave Lixin a hint that i got feeling for someone, then she start guessing again -.-". She got the answer, but i didn't tell her lah, i just tell her to stop guessing =p. If not, people will start gossiping again -.-". I'm the kind who wait for Anyway, i think that guy has a gf le...aha, too handsome liao...hahas.

Btw, anyone have any idea how to prepare for QET test? Huiping, any ideas? I've got a feeling we have to pen a composition...-.-". I tell you, i'm going to die for sure if that's the case. Aha.

Caught Superband live at IMM today! But, disappointing lah, i see more heads -.-". I was standing behind, no place le, and too many people were crowding infront. J3 and mi lu bin have many supporters wor~ Luv those 2 bands. J3 has beautiful vocals. Mi Lu Bin, pattern alot! Aha... Just saw the 3 groups, then last group which is Soul, i have no interest in, so i just walked away...

Been revising A Maths these days. I'm getting the jitters... Engineering Mathematics...gosh... Maths again...-.-".

Graduation 2006 and Events

2006-06-24T13:14:00.000+08:00

Graduation Day - 16 June 2006, 10am

Decided to meet up with Kelly. We decided to meet on the bus. Haha, we always do this during the good old days =p. But, everytime i couldn't see her on the bus although she is on board the same bus as me! LOL. I'm just too blur!!! This time, the same thing happened. We were on board the same bus, but i could not see her. She was sitting right behind -.-". So, i just decided to meet her at the school bus stop instead. While alighting, i just so happened to saw her! Aha, very funny joke hor? =p. Then we proceeded to go to the place we were supposed to gather, LT68. Prize winners are supposed to go to LT68E, which is all the way to the back... Looked at the attendence sheet we are supposed to sign and took the card. I realised Lay Kuan have already reached school way before us. So, intended to look for Lay Kuan, but Kelly wanted to go to the Ladies, and it happened that my class girls all there! Such a coincidence! Then in LT68, met up with Trina and then we talked about the attire for Graduation D & D, which is jazzy! OMG, we really had NO IDEA on what to wear! Just roughly discussed on the attire and then we had to go back to our seats le. Then most of them were discussing about the Universities they are going. Heard some of them going to NTU, BUT COM SCI!!! Argh...how they get into com sci?!!! Only have one going to NTU com engrg, but i dunno her!!! Then there was this girl, really friendly. Haha, i think she mistook me for someone lah. She asked me whether i was in the same CP class as her before. I thought that was weird cos i don't like programming and i wouldn't take any programming modules! Aha. So i just answered no. Then she cont'd to ask me whether i'm going to any Uni. I said ya, NTU! com engrg. What a pity, she got into NTU, com sci! I found her rather familar, cos i thought i saw her back then in my primary school, NHPS! So i asked her whether she was from NHPS or not. She said she was from South View. OMG, another mistaken identity! She seemed really familiar... Anyway, i finally got my question answered... This has been bugging me for about 2 years i think? Aha... She seem to resemble one of my friend, you see...

Finally, time's up. We had to queue and wait to go into the convention hall. Prize winners were seated to the extreme right. 4 videos were played. 1-on the school's different courses, 2-on top graduates (one of them from my school!), 3-a video produced by our school students on life in ICT, 4-another produced by our school students (i think) on the graduating classes!. I enjoyed the third one the most... Finally, i'm graduating from NP. Glad that i finally earned a diploma for myself, but sad at the same time cos i'm leaving an instituition which i gained the most friends and knowledge. At least, in NP, i'm allowed to learn at my own pace and time. There's so much freedom indeed! I love the wireless access given privilege to us, NP students. Sincerly, i will miss NP alot! Most importantly, it is the friends and lecturerers that i have. I find them ever so helpful when i need help. Here, i wish to dedicate a poem which i pen to a very special friend i'd known in NP. Indeed my initial impression of her was truly very wrong. Haha, come to think of it, we would still joke about this, time and again. LOL! Here goes:

3 years came and went.

When i just stepped into NP, a fresh year 1 student, i so wanted to be promoted to year 2 quickly...

I thought you were irritating and proud

There came this day when i was 'forced' to work with you

I told myself, "oh no, there goes...this shall be my first and last time working with you...haha"

I decided to put you into a test to test your character

Indeed, I was truly wrong on the initial impression i have of you

I knew you're just the one meant for me

It was a little too late, but i told myself, "there's still 2 years to be with you"

Time was tight, but I cherished every moment we had together although it would be just one second

Year 2 came, and at that moment, i just hope time would freeze and stay still.

We click, have similar thoughts and crap together

I know i'm a little irritating at times

But, you always treated me like a 'little sister'

Always cajoling me and giving me what i always wanted

Whenever i'm in trouble, i knew you'd come in to defend me

I know you'll be always there for me

I'm proud i had a 'big sister' to rely on

Year 3 came a little too quickly, i couldn't bear to say goodbye to you.

All the laughter we had, soon became history

I miss the secrets we used to share

The times we used to share together

If only you were my sworn sister...

How i wish...

You're a rare gem inded

I hope i wouldn't be forgotten down memory lane...

Because, you, will always have a special place in my heart...

Then, after the graduation ceremony, i met up with my friends and parents. It was photo taking time! Had many many shots with my class! Mum made a remark and told me my class guys look like ah beng?! except for one of them...haha, guess who? Cannot say here otherwise people are gonna gossip again lah...-.-". It so happened to be......a guy lah...aha...quite tall, quite handsome, quite smart looking, aha, this is so obvious! Guess and tell me the answer...but no prize! LOL =p. Quite shocked my mum will say that...this goes to show we have same thinking! Bleahs. Then was 'grabbing' a hot place to take photos. Jiahui helped out abit...aha... Then, later my mum told me that this girl (Jiahui) not bad eh... Next time sure successful in life, can talk...good! Haha, indeed! When i told Jiahui this, she says she is only good in talking rubbish?! Hey, how can this be... In 3 years that i've known you, I know that you've always been a good speaker! Yeah, another great friend i've known =).

Soon, after the photo taking session, it was time to part. I know this time it'd be a long long time before we next meet... I hope there'd be another class gathering... NP T10 2003 - 2006, keep in touch!

Superband craze!!!

Just a few days back, me, Jiayi and Lixin were talking about superband and the different groups, specifically, Mi Lu Bin and Brods! Mi Lu Bin turns out to be Jiayi's church friend. The drummer that is. And he went to the show there to cheer for them also? Haha... He should have joined them in the band. But he tells us he doesn't have the vocals -.-". I don't quite believe... Brods also quite cool eh... Both of them are as handsome. Vocals wise, not bad... J3 also not bad, turns out to be friends with JY (Junyang)! Last time 5 of them were together and sang together as a band. J3 vocals are nice...indeed...

What's Next

University Life's next at NTU. I heard from people saying that life in local U is stressful... I think local U life is the same as poly ba. Just that in poly, everywhere you go, you see people gaming. In university, you see everyone studying -.-". That's all what. Ok, maybe other factors as well. The study environment should be the same as poly ba... I worked hard in poly hoping to get into U, cos i don't want people to look down on me, especially my relatives. It didn't help when they like to compare so much. My hard work and effort really got me somewhere... I hope, it would not be wasted... Some people want to get out to the working world quickly to earn their first dollar. As for me, i wish to study as long as i can where time prevails. Life's short, i don't want to live my life in regret... Who knows what might happen tommorow? Ya, i know some of you might say because my parents can afford to pay for my university fees... So, that's why i'm cherishing this opportunity! If not, i have to work as well...no matter how good my results are... I know i should be thinking on what should i work as in the future, but i'm still not really clear where are my strengths. I'm not a genius and i admit, i may be 'slow', so that's why while people work smart, i work hard, which is a little stupid. Stupid people use stupid way of achieving their goals -.-". Boo~ No one is alike! If everyone had a brain like LKY, everyone should be called LKY! There won't be any cleaners or sweepers in Singapore. Singapore would not be this green garden city as it is today! Aha, crap... Quite true what, you agree?

Taiwan Trip 29/05 - 03/06

2006-06-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

Hey, i'm back from my Taiwan trip!!! 6 days, 5 nights, not quite enough really...=p. People who like cute stuff can go there!!! Especially the night markets, which we call pasat malam in S'pore. They sell bags, clothes, shoes, food, and cuty stuff like hp keychains, cartoon character figurines. But, i bought mostly hp keychains, those which you can customise, those which you can put your names and wishes. Got 2 hp keychains for my 2 best friends in poly, Lay Kuan and Kelly. Initially want to put Lay Kuan's chinese name, to make it more special, but i don't know how to write her chinese name!!! I regretted lah, should have asked her earlier!!! Haiz... I also got hp keychains for myself. Hee...It was irristible. Its not any cheaper lah, but nvm, fresh from Taiwan! LOL. $5 for one keychain...

Then day time, went to see scenary. There are lots of mountains there, and the scenary is nice. Will upload pics from taiwan soon on friendster and MSN messenger. Most of the lunch and dinner was provided. There was steamboat too for two meals! One is called shabu shabu...Haha, sounds familar yea? Japanese style wor~ Oh ya, talking about Japanese. Taiwan people service is damn good. You step into a shop only they greet you liao. "Huan ying guang ling", then they will say "kan kan wor", meaning take a look. Same as Japan ba, i guess. Very curteous. But, we Singaporeans not used to this type of service lah... They will keep on sticking to you and physcho you to buy their products -.-". Haha. Their chinese similar accent to China people, but not the strong... Biao jun hua yu...LOL. Its a chinese country, so all the signs and etc all in chinese, no english! For me its a disadvantage, cos my chinese also lousy...LOL. English not good, chinese also not good...haha. But, i prefer english still. There are lots of words in chinese which i do not know how to read. In Taiwan, you must know two languages to survive. Chinese and hokkien! Hokkien cos their president Chen Sui Bian, aka Ah Bian, is a Hokkien. Haha. But, sadly, my hokkien is hopeless. I don't know how to speak hokkien, but only understand abit... If you scold me in hokkien, i confirm understand!!! LOL. My dialect also fail!!! Arghh!!! Hahas... Overall, Taiwan has the same living standard as Singapore. That's in city area. In the villiage, arghh...very dirty lah...Haha. The toilet, not to mention. But, they are still not as good as Singapore yet, in the city. The toilets do not have automatic flush yet. Food, clothes, bags, shoes and whatever are not any cheaper, its the same as in Singapore. But, anyway, i still got myself 4 jeans, 2 longs ones, 2 3/4 ones. Haha.

Will miss the place there...especially the tour guide. He's a nice one... The tour was booked by my dad's friend who open a travel agency, so we got the hotel names and tour guide name and hp beforehand. Once i saw his name, i thought he was an old uncle...LOL. Same surname as my family. Huang Tsai Fu. In chinese, Huang (huang se de huang) Tsai (Zhao Cai Jing Bao de Cai) Fu (Xing Fu de Fu). Cai Fu, meaning very rich... LOL. Then when i saw him, i was so wrong, he is quite young, 35. Quite handsome also wor...LOL. Not like other tour guides who just talk only a little, he can talk for hours! He told us he can talk for 5 hours non-stop! Wow, really admire him... Then there was one day where we have to go past mountain road. As you know, mountain roads are very windy. Turn here and there de... Then he pei us during that mountain road talking to us all the way so that we will not feel any motion sickness... Aww~ He's simply the best...i think i will remember him for a long long time...=).

Okay, want to update taiwan photos le... Oh ya, not forgetting the group photo, our tour group, including the tour guide.

Happening Day 23/05/06

2006-05-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a happening day at the office. My god-father came cos he was the boss of another registered company for insurance, AXA insurance. AXA insurance people were coming to visit our office that's why. God-father arrived earlier for lunch. Went down to crunchy carrot for lunch. I ate baked salmon with chicken. So little yet not nice =x. Haha, i'm fussy lah. My dad pay for it. Luckily my dad know the boss of that restaurant, so got 10% off! Yay! Then around 3pm+, the AXA insurance people arrive le. Didn't pay much attention to them cos was busy doing my stuff... Then they went down for tea and discuss business matters at the same time. Office too small ma, if they stay in there, customers no place to sit le. To cluttered liao =x. I didn't go lah...aha, i'm such a small fry... Then around 5pm, dad came back le...finish 'discussion' liao. He brought back a box of cake... He said those people give us eat one. Wah, not bad eh, still got cake to eat. But, its cheese cake...i don't really like them, but just eat lah =p. Then he say what those people discuss with him. He say to issue policy, must do 1 million business to them, then can liao. Printer, paper and everything they provide for us. Wah, 1 million leh...That's alot! Then, my auntie said, like that, i don't go to study University, work here... When i heard this, i was very angry. In fact, furious until i want to scream. I just gave a stern stare at her... Yes, i'm fierce. I know that. I can't stand this you know. She speak without thinking!!! Going university has always been my dream... This the !@#$%^& number of times she has been mentioning this... Always ruining my dream... She does not want me to enter university, i know that very well...cos she only sec 4, then never continue studies liao. STUPID HER! The more i think about it, the more furious i become. How SELFISH of her. I would prove her wrong!!! I hate when people think lowly of me. The more i would prove to show myself that i can. How would you feel when even your parents think 'lowly' of you? As in, they think you're not as smart, blur...and whatever, just all the negative remarks... That's what i think my parents think of me though =(. Just tell me that this is an imagination...and i will wake up from this horrible nightmare.

In poly, i worked so hard...indeed very hard. I didn't expect myself to do well either, cos i'm really not that smart afterall...maybe quite dumb, dunno why... People just work hard, i have to tell myself to work thrice as hard... No choice, different people different life ma. Perhaps, i'm just ill fated. In the end, i reap what i sow. I got a diploma with merit for 3 years in poly. Indeed, quite fulfilling. I shouted out with glee and joy on the day i received the letter when i got this award, cos it was just unbelievable. My parents got to know about it. My dad don't believe that i got it, cos he always think i very blur, and the way i do things, always slower than other people, always LOOSE OUT, confirm die one... Knowing my dad's thinking, from day 1 in poly, i told myself i must prove him very very wrong... I couldn't show him that i'm gonna fail again. I still remember my setback, its my o levels. I knew i wouldn't do well, cos i was lazy. I didn't really studied. My result, L1R4 was 23 L1R5 was 32, if i am not wrong. How horrible can it get? I couldn't lift up my head to face people. It didn't help when my parents like to compare me with my cousins, not forgetting my relatives. I hate myself. I was thinking why am i so dumb...

My mum, on the otherhand, was quite happy about it though...but i told her its no good enough, so ordinary only...i can be better!!!

I'm happy, but not satisfied with my harvestings. I believe, in life, nothing is ever good enough, because there'll be that someone who is always better than you. I try to reach for the silver lining in the cloud, but i always fail, so near yet so far =(. Why are there people around who are always better? How did they manage to be better than me? How could i be like them? -- these questions are always bothering me silently. I really have no idea. No matter how much i push myself to the limit, i just couldn't do it. Perhaps its just my self-fufilling prophecy. Opportunities are always there, but i didn't make use of it. Well, life isn't perfect all the time. I shall learn to take things in stride and follow my heart.

I regret not having a proper chat with Lay Kuan everytime cos was working. Then when i wanted to reply her, she is offline le =(. Sad. Then i thought she usually online whole day de, but then this time only half day online, sometimes i don't even see her online at all. Then she tell me she take medicine feel sleepy... Omg, i think she is sick liao... Don't tell me she is also a workaholic, over-stress herself! So, i adviced her to see doctor. Then i was asking her earlier today whether she know of anyone going to NTU. She said no... So sad. Immediately, she knew i was worried of making friends?! Wah, can read my mind. But i told her nothing =p. Haha...i think she will know that i must be lying...=p. Anyway, thanks lots for the encouragement. Hope new school, really can make new friends. I don't think it'd be as good as u de... You the best lah...=p. You always scold me, but remember this saying, "da shi teng, ma shi ai" (in chinese). So, from that saying, you love me!!! I will love you too, forever! Ahaha...very rou ma hor? Okay, don't er xin...=p.

Girl Power!

2006-05-22T22:47:00.000+08:00

Kelly msn-ed me while i was working today. I thought what she wanted to ask me, she said that she missed me?! Omg. Hahas. All my hair stand up at that time...er xin leh...LOL. Then she lamented that i took one hour to reply her. Hahas...sorry girl... Initially dad said wanted to do his specs, so we went down to the spectacle shop at first floor in IMM. He had his eyes checked, then i helped him chose a spectacle frame. Then that person say i need to check or not, cos got discount... Then, my dad ask me to just check...-.-". I keep on saying don't want although i will get a new extra spec cos i don't want to see how much my degree will increase. My right eye is 800+, while my left is 600+. Get what i mean? Arghh...going blind liao...ahaha! Blame myself lah...i stare at the computer screen most of the time! =p. I love the computer too much liao. No computer/internet access == no life! Luckily after the optimitrist did a quick check on my eyes, my left eye only increase by 25 degress... Heng ah!!! Then come to chosing the spec frame... Haha, i'm damn fussy!!! I think the whole optical shop pple help me choose the frame! But very shuang ah, got so many pple serve you...bleahs...i'm damn bad!!! Ahaha!

Chatted with Shouyen in msn at night... Found that she has really really changed alot!!! Grown prettier... She's one of my primary school bestie =). Hope she's doing fine at SP =).

Where's Lay Kuan today? I haven't seen her at MSN the whole of today. She's usually online while working but not today =(. I miss her prescence! Perhaps she had gone for her dental checkup? Maybe... Hope she's back tommorow! Miss her, miss her, miss her! Ahhh... Haha...crazy liao...=p. This girl, and Kelly, the only girl friends i love them so much!!!

RANTS!!!

2006-05-06T14:39:00.000+08:00

Received my graduation letter yesterday, together with the invitation card. I was just lamenting about how long the school take to send out the letter yesterday afternoon to Lay Kuan. Then when i open my letter box at night. I saw the long-awaited letter i've always hoped to received ;). At the same time, there was a letter from SMU on my application outcome. I could've guessed the outcome. Although i knew the outcome would be that i would be rejected, i was still devastated... This just shows that i'm not up to mark. I'm just not good enough, and i do not have what it takes to be an all-rounder. =(. I am lucky i still have NTU there for me... Huiping chatted with me online at night. Then i just updated her with my outcome from SMU. Felt abit better after her encouragement that at least i am still accepted in NTU. Then i also updated her on NTU stuffs, on the Qualifying English Test and etc... Haha...i think i too ks liao =p. HP told me that i kept myself updated on these so early...lol. Then i just told her that if anything she want to ask i confirm keep her updated on latest news! Bleahs... Next, we talked about graduation and stuff... Her graduation day appears to be 2 days earlier than mine. Good for her =). And then, after that, i think i was complaining again -.-". About...erm, think i shouldn't say here...we shall keep it between HP and me ;). Let's hook our fingers eh, HP, ok? LOL. Let off a little steam, and that little encouragement from her just made me feel better after that =). Thanks so much pal! Talking about this, Lay Kuan was saying i'm a complain queen -.-". Ahh! You teach me one hor...=p. Haha, kidding =p.

Okay, graduation day... Planning to meet up with my pals, Kelly and Lay Kuan to go to school together on that day. Kelly gave me the OK signal. Lay Kuan told me OK too, but said she would be late??? LOL. Ok, more details shall be revealed. How i miss them so much. Its like so long since i last met them!!! Think it was since our last gathering on March... Its very long leh! 2 months! If it was legal to marry girls, i would have chose either one of them! If not both of them! I don't want one of them to be jealous ma...=p. Haha, okok, don't er xin... But cannot leh, people will think we lesbian. Sad, sad =(. P.S. I am not bian tai ok!!! It just seems my girl friends over-rule my guy friends. And, i just understand and feel closer to girls rather than guys leh... Just because i'm a girl -.-". Sometimes i wish i were a guy, so i can go through NS. Although i know its tough, but when you go out to the society to work, your pay would be higher too... And, girls are sometimes regarded to people as "useless". Well, this is what i feel people will think. Especially the older generation!!! And, sometimes, the young ones too...SOME only lah...very few lor. Think its only about 0.0001%. LOL. Okay, i was just making up that figure. Additionally, when girls are married off, they are considered as the guy's side family liao...something like that, from what i heard off... Again, this is the older generation thinking! How come older generation got so many "rules"?!!! They got nothing better to do last time than make up all these is it?!!! Perhaps...

Rants, rants, rants, rants...

Fed up!!! I've had enough...okay...time for me to cool down first...

OVERjoyed!

2006-04-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, i'm back again from my "once in a blue moon" blogging routine.

Good news once again. I received a letter from NP on Tuesday. Based on my 6th sense, i guessed the letter was just the usual "congratulations on your graduation" letter. Then when i opened the envelope, the first phrase i saw was "Diploma with merit"! I just shouted out, "I received a Diploma with merit!!!" Haa, crazy me. I was overjoyed, cos i never expected myself to receive this award. It must be a dream. After that, i read the contents thoroughly to make sure i was the receipient to this award (because i still cannot believe it myself). I ain't that smart, how on earth did i receive this award?! Of course, everyone would have hoped they would be the one who receive an award, including me ;). Based on my 6th sense again, i guess my besties would also be receiving that very same award, cos they achieved higher GPA than me. I am so right. Lay Kuan got it. Felt happy for her, cos she really really deserves it. Another really hardworking pal i'd ever known in my life. I guess Kelly would have gotten it too, but haven't really got the time to catch up with her ever since she started working. Seldom saw her online. And when she is online and when i thought of chatting with her, she is already offline. =(. Then Jiayi chatted with me yesterday, asked me whether i received COM or not. Haha, he is also a receipient. Fyi, Jiayi is a guy... LOL. I know, it sounds like a girl's name right? Anyway, he's my classmate cum poly friend. To put it simply we're from the same mentor group lah. Got to know he also can enter NTU's com engrg. Same course as me. But guys have NS first. I'd be 2 years his senior then if i were to enter NTU. So, can say my first year no one enter same course as me...sad sia. From my 6th sense (AGAIN) LOL, i think, Lay Kuan, me, Kelly, Nicole, Tian Ci and Jiayi are the ones from my class receiving the COM ba. Wow, 6 of us from my class! Like so easy to receive like that hor? LOL. Well, it took us 3 years to receive that award. Indeed, "exhausting" but satisfying =). For me, i took pains dreaming to receive this award. I told myself i must work hard in poly. Very hard...thrice as hard, cos i know i stupid -.-". To win my "enemies", i must really use better strategy, if not i will die in this battlefield! This day finally came...

Shall update more in my next post...gtg now...Take care everyone!

Good News!

2006-04-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

Yeah! Time for some updates! Anyone missed me? Haha...kidding lah. I guess no one reads my blog except HP (sad), cos i see the occassional comments by her through my tagboard =).

Its been a month since i last blogged. Life's been mediocore (wrong spelling, i think) --> to be read as, med-io-ker = average. Hahas, okay, my english's lousy! All my friends have got a job. Good for them. And, me, i'm still stuck at being a so-called office assistant at NLE Pte Ltd. Haa, my dad's office lah.

Applied for Universities (NUS, NTU and SMU). Interview at SMU sucks! I'm the sort which needs preparation beforehand before the interview. This time i didn't prepare, not because i didn't want to, but i couldn't, cos i didn't know what to prepare for, i don't know what they want to ask, and how the questions would turn out to be. I was told the interview would last for 2 hours. I see why... An hour for the so-called interview preparation. An hour for the actual interview. Its a group interview. First of its kind. Ever heard of group interviews? They call it a sharing session. -.-" When i see most of the people for the interview were guys, i sian half -.-". Reason being, i dunno how to get along with guys? Haa...that's very true! I have no common topics with them sia...but i try to mix around with them le. Got shuai ge also la...Haha...Quite shuai wor. Somemore from JC...wah, i envious. JC == smart == clever. Actual interview, i got to sit beside him sia. Ahaha...crazy me. At first, our group was very quiet, then the person there say must mix around. I dun dare start the conversation first, so i wait for the guys come talk to me... Haha, quite ok la... As i said, guys usually have the you muo gan...some quite funny. And, one of them, very bold. He can be the next prime minister or something. He dares to talk. That's SMU.

I just received NTU's acceptance letter today. I was accepted in the Computer Engineering course. Its my third choice. Sadz. I wanted my first choice! Computer Science! Nvm. I'm more than glad. Who says poly can't make it to University! All my relatives look down on me... I'm gonna be the first one from poly make it to U! Currently awaiting NUS and SMU acceptance letter.

Among the 3 universities, if i were accepted in for all 3, i may pick NUS. Perhaps i might want to decide among NUS and NTU, which computing course is more established ba. I may also want to see which U my friends want to attend. Ya...so if any of my friends who are accepted in U, let me know which U you would be going ok? Thanks!

Guys would always be guys -.-"

2006-03-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning, received call from Chang Ye??? -.-" Haa...cannot be anything good de... He asked me whether i got read his sms or not... Opps...i didn't even knew he sent me sms la...LoL. Sorry...=p. So, i just asked him what he wanted to ask in his sms lor. Hahas, he wants people sign in for him la...ask me for my friends' number... But i told him i think she is not coming today. Anyway, i just give him the number and maybe he could ask my friend ba... Replied him with the number through sms... And, found out IHP life for him was FUN?!!! -.-" I was like, what the... Okay, he said it was peaceful... That's because very few people turned up ma... Haha, same case for me like last time when i was having my IHP. LOL!!! Quite okay la...everyone would be watching movie, playing games, chatting... And, i'd be the only one doing my stuff... Hee...see how "hardworking" am i...bleahs =p. Haiz, guys would always be guys...-.-". He very you(1) muo(4) lor...haha...damn funny la.

In the afternoon, Alphonsus messaged me on msn told me that he sent an email to vic but didn't sent me a copy -.-". Now then tell me... Haiz, i informed him earlier to send me a copy of the email, but he like never listen to me like that sia... Then when i ask him when he send the email, he say Friday?! Monday then tell me...haha... Forget it...small problem...

Ok la, gtg le...got more happenings then i update here...=)

//Tataz//

Life goes on...

2006-03-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i last blogged...

Been busy with stuffs... And especially after working for one whole day, i feel so dead...tired la...no mood online le...

Last saturday was class gathering. Me and Kelly reached suntec at about 3.30pm supposedly to meet Jiahui and Lay Kuan at the Career Fair, but then they also dunno where they are...so me and Kelly just walk, walk, see, see the Career Fair, since nothing to do...haha... There's the NTU booth, MOE and also police booth! There are also many others... Soon, i received a call from Jiahui telling us to meet at Marina Square Seoul Garden at 4.45pm. Went Marina Square, and omg, we searched like hell for the Seoul Garden there -.-". We asked the Information counter where Seoul Garden was, she gave us instructions, and it was sorta outside the building. Then we went out the building le, but still didn't see Seoul Garden in sight...LoL. Then we panicked...lost le!!! Hahas... I asked the auntie giving out fliers for burger king, she told me its inside the building...i confirmed with her somemore, its inside the building and not outside right? She told me "yes". And so, i believed her... Off we went searching inside the building again -.-". And i felt something was really wrong...how can it be??? I called Lay Kuan again...really lost this time...hahas... No choice, they come and fetch us...LoL. So pai seh...hahas. Reached Seoul Garden, settled down, talked and eat at the same time...catch up with new happenings...

Soon, it was time for us to part again. Time check: 7.15pm. My group of friends went home. I didn't want to go home by bus cos its too troublesome, must transfer ma...no direct de...LoL, and i super lazy... So, i called home, ask for free transport lor...hahas. Then i headed to suntec wait for my parents... Nothing to do, so i shop shop at Carefour first... Shopping alone is damn boring -.-". After that mum called me, ask me to shop around first while waiting...then she ask me what am i doing, i say i reading books...ahaha!!! See, i so 'hardworking' wor~ LoL. Then i see, got computer books on sale going at $8 per book. Ok, dunno why, computer stuffs really interests me... Maybe cos i'm pursuing diploma in IT ma...hahas...like real right? But truly, i've been interested in computer stuffs since young la, no kidding ok! Hahas... But i'm not pro or good at it at all la, just interested in it only... Maybe that's what spur me further bahs...

After that, i went up to the Kopitiam to wait for them, cos they say they haven't had dinner...so i go chop place first before they arrive, if not no place to sit. Then shopped around a little until 10+ then went home le...

Nothing really much for the week so far, until today... I received a private number call, and my first instincts told me its a call from the school -.-". Oh no, not again, i was right... Its my supervisor, Mr Lum who called me...hahas. First thing he asked was Alphonsus's number?! I said i have, its in my hp. I hang up, found the number, and then called him back again. After i gave him the number, he told me that the Chief Examining Officier, or something like that, want to know about our projects...there are other students as well. So our duty is like, describing our experiences of in-house projects...blah blah...and its on this coming tuesday, 14 March, afternoon. I said i will think about it, and discuss with Alphon. I dunno whether to go or not...sounds scary... I will freak out whenever people ask me explain things, especially to someone whom i do not know at all!!! If Alphon cannot go, then maybe i won't go as well... It can't be compulsary? I shall discuss with Alphon when he comes online.

Count down: 3 weeks to University application results, about 3 months to Graduation on 16 June.

I wished i were still a Polytechnic Freshie

The days are long gone with the wind

Days spent with friends are the most precious moments in my life

Especially towards the end of the semester

I finally understood what is the meaning of true friendship

As precious as gems...

I shall treasure these moments forever

Sad

2006-02-12T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hello! Back to blogging again...

I've got a question for a start. What would you do if someone ask you for stuff and you do not feel like sending them? Here i'm saying in general, not specifically aiming at anyone... Not because i'm selfish or whatsoever, but then...i dunno how to explain also... I do share my stuff with pple, but......nvm, i shan't say too much here...this is a sensitive issue. Although i know the person doesn't read my blog, still i shouldn't say... I just feel that not everything we can share freely right? You take time and effort to do your things, and in the end, pple just ask for you, and you send them, they get reference of your ideas for free... And come to think of it, you took pains to come up with that idea, and now, that someone got your idea freely...-.-". Well, its just a little painful...for me... Sometimes, i just keep quiet though... But, there are times i am really willing to help a friend...cos i trust them...unless they prove me wrong.

Talking about this, my VIVA presentation slides i actually prepared them, but since we are doing team presentation, i have to share with my partner. Then someone asked from him our presentation slides i think, then i was looking at what he is doing......he actually sent our ppt slides to someone else without asking me? Nvm, so i just looked on...... Abit painful and sad ba... Btw, how would you feel if this happend to you? Err, maybe he thinks i wouldn't mind, cos i'm too good and nice, everything can share de =/, but maybe it would be polite just to tell me... I share my stuff with him cos we're a team what -.-" lol. I just keep quiet...nothing to say...cos since he is sending, that person who wants is looking on somemore, i can't say cannot right? Eh, nvm its all over le... I do not keep grudges...bleahs.

Ever come across a saying or a phrase, "people are selfish". Yes, i agree whole heartedly... I can't deny i am at times too...but not everytime, it depends on the situation though.

O Level Results released on friday, my tang di got 13 points. I wasn't surprised, both of the brothers are clever, clever, clever... I can't hold a matchstick compared to them... Throw face...nvm...i make sure i do well in my poly and U!!! If not loose them again, throw face again... Then while my parents were telling me how much my tang di got, i just keep quiet, cos my result super poor, got nothing to say lor...just feel jealous only...nvm... They always seem to be concerned about my cousins' side than me... I concerned about myself can le. Dun care about how other pple think of me. I just do what i think is right, and feel happy of what i do can le... Yeah! If not, next time i regret... "Ren shen duan duan ji shi nian" ma...LOL. "We only live once" by xxx wor...LOL.

Photo shoot session on 16 Feb 1pm? I dunno whether i should go. I wonder who's going... I worry i cannot even take time off =x. Well, we'll see when the time comes. I shall talk about it with my nu peng you's...Hee~

Tmr starting work at my dad's office le. First i want to clear the receipt stuff, and lotsa other things to do as well... Filling in forms, issueance of CIs...blah blah... I dunno whether i still can rmb how to do all those stuff or nots...=x. Hope i will, else will get scolded again -.-".

Valentine's Day is coming and i'm gonna spend this year alone, yet again...sob sobs... Most of my friends got bf and gf le, good la, they can have a romantic Valentine's Day. Xian mu leh...cos i dun have ma!!! And i haven't experience before...LOL. How is the feeling like eh? Ro-man-di-ke (read in chinese) ma? Hahaha!!!

Mood now is like the song of SHE's - Tian Hui... Sad sad... Oh ya, thanks to Alphon for sending me this song! LOL. Still got more songs on my wishlist yet to be fulfilled. Can't find all those songs that i want always...=( Someone help me dl then send me leh... *hint* *hint*. I'm dying for those songs le...

Rest and Relax! LOL!

2006-02-10T10:50:00.000+08:00

Its my last day of freedom! LOL! Another day of rotting. No one date me out!!! Sian lah. All my friends need to work, if not, got bf accompany them, no need me liao...become like trash, just thrown and heaved aside =(. Sad sia. Class photo taking session is next week, but i still dunno which day will it be? 13 Feb or 16 Feb? Dunno whether can make it back to school or not, cos i need to work le...

Yesterday, Lixin come my house for help of her project, so i just see whether can help or not. In the end i solve her login problem only... Others dunno what's wrong leh... The button click liao no reaction, although the codes i see like correct! LOL. Helped her until 7pm then she left le, cos my parents coming back le...

Now gaming with Jennifer! LOL. MSN games ah... Can horne my skills. But as usual i not so good in all those game. Never train ma...

Then, just now my dad call me ask my birthdate, then i say for what? He tell me he want to buy toto -.-" I tell him dun crazy lah...-.-" This type of thing very difficult to win de, why waste money???

Haa...nvm... Ahh...i miss all my friends! Just one week i never meet them i'm missing them le...=(.

Okay, i want to go play games le...ciaoz

Boring

2006-02-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

One more day of freedom. Next week gotta start working le =(. Should be considered graduated le, but haven't convocation yet. Haiz, i'll really miss all my friends in poly, and i mean ALL!!! Even those that i've just known for a few months... They're all so nice people...aww... Pamela will remember you forever! Yeah! =)

Finally went to school today to collect the stupid $5 refund from attending the seminar. I go all the way to school just to get the stupid $5 back! -.-" No choice lah, who ask me forget to collect on Tuesday!!! And i was actually going to return the book i borrowed from Jennifer today too, but i forgot!!! Diaoz. No wonder i keep on thinking i forgot to accomplish something today. And, its only when i reached home then i realised i forgot!!! I've only got myself to blame for being so forgetful... Then i heard from my friend that this $5 got dateline to collect de. And then Alphon told me he haven't collected his $5 as well. So i just tell him to remind him lor... See, i'm sucha good friend...LOL! Ok...crap lah...i'm always nice, ain't i? Bleahs =p. Nice until people like to bully me always.

Oh ya, i saw Firdas (dunno whether spell his name correctly or not) aka Fila in school today! Then talked about my VIVA presentation. I just told him mine sucks. LOL. Then he asked Alphon how? I just told him that Alphon was as cool as a cucumber! LOL. I also dunno how he remained so cool~ At least, he is not as nervous as me! His presentation is tmr, so i just wish him good luck! Hahas.

Talking about bully... Yesterday i was chatting with Alphon, just wanting to tell him why a function when i demo couldn't work, cos i remembered it worked before!!! Then i just told him why cannot work... Wah, then start 'debate' liao -.-". Small problem become big big problem le...LOL. Dunno who start one leh... Actually i cannot blame him also lah, he helped me all the way ^^. And i complain all the way...LOL. Learn alot of things from him also... E-commerce stuff were an alien to me at the beginning of the project. Then he got take ECID, ECAD, WDD. All that were required to develop an e-commerce website. Then i learnt things like Session and Stored Procedure from him... Now come to think of it quite easy lah...LOL. Come to think of it, i really owe him a big big thankew! LOL! If not i dun think i can handle an e-commerce website. Say here can liao...i shy girl ma...=p.

Okay, wanna go sleep le...tired...*yawn*

VIVA

2006-02-08T11:41:00.000+08:00

Its music diary now on 93.3FM. The description of the story sounds like describing me...ohh...its really so similar... Especially when i heard "during studies, shouldn't fall in love", this phrase...and my parents also quite strict... So, i dun dare have a bf... Even if i like a guy i also dun dare say de =x. Aha, nvm... Even thou my relatives are like keep on talking whether i have bf or not -.-". I just shrug them off by saying, "no time lah, wait till i got time then slowly find...haa!!!" Cos my parents there ma, i dun dare say other things, wait get into trouble again, die!!! Then i rmb my ah ma even said, if i got bf, she would be very happy -.-""". Funny hor? Nvm... Wait for yuan fen! Haa...

Yesterday was my VIVA presentation. Finally over! My presentation sux lah. Beginning of the presentation, I was super nervous until my supervisor and second marker realised. Die... Alphon's turn to demo. At least he not too bad, can maintain coolness~ somemore. LOL. After that my turn to present again, not that nervous le, but then i still kept on referring to the ppt. -.-" Its demonstration time...my turn to demo...all the errors popped out! And i knew the recommendation feature they will ask alot of question de. How true! Ask until i dunno how to answer them sia. Die again... End of presentation, time check, we took 2 hours?!!! My demonstration took up most of the time. Second marker keep on saying, "cool!", "good!" Oh no, something is really very very very wrong. Its no good at all leh, why keep on saying good...aiyo... Then before they left, the second marker ask me how i came up with the thick thick appendix of 200 pages?!!! In 2 weeks??? I said no, i started when the project started, then when i begin development, make a few changes cos got changes to the project ma... Ok la, its a team project ma, Appendix should be this much ma... Anyway, I really tried my very best le... Somehow, i got this funny feeling, i begin to worry about my results...i'm prepared for the very worst... Although that Alphon keep on saying i sure better than him??? -.-" Dunno why he say that lah, so wierd de... He better than me...

Now, i suddenly felt i got nothing to do...Sian... Isn't there anything to do???

Oh ya, i saw Vincent yesterday! He got the same time slot as me, and his presentation was just two rooms away from me. Took a look at his project on an educational software and a website. Its too good, i got nothing to say. I can't blame, cos his multimedia skills not bad de...

U applications have started. Among the many people whom i know are going to U include Chun Yeong and Huiping. I still ain't sure which course should i take up. Perhaps still at IT ba... Computer Engineering or Computer Science? Or should i try other courses instead? Physcology??? Haha...siao right? Or maybe business? A total 360 degree change? Hmms... Its a very difficult decision to make. Maybe should ask advices from my friends ba...see what they suggest...haa...

O Level results are out this friday. Wish my tang di and biao di good luck this friday. Aiya, they sure can one...all my cousins 1000x smarter than me. Sad sia... All go JC le. I break the record. First in the family and among all my relatives go poly! Ahaha! Nvm, i must make it to U!!! Die, i worry i cannot make it. Its very hard... Even if i make it, i'm afraid i can't cope. I study the hard way to get good grades. How stupid right? =(. People study one time can get facts into the brain, i need to study three times as hard =(. I just don't have that talent... Funny thing is, why all my cousins so clever? And only i not smart??? Not fair right? Should be all the same... It just isn't fair at all. Imagine yourself being compared with smarter people everytime. How do you feel? Demoralised and yet can't do anything, cos your brain and mentality is just like that? Unless you can become smart just overnight? How i wish i could be smart in just a matter of time... My parents don't say it out nowadays, but i know, in their mind they must be thinking that way...

Recently my cousin just got a job while waiting to enter army in April. Go restaurant help out??? Haha... Nvm, i never say anything... So good, he is given a chance to go out to experience work life... I dun even have to dream of going out to try even... Then my parents were like so curious about his new job. Ask so much... I just keep quiet. Can say i abit jealous a not? I dunno why i was jealous also... They seem to care more about him than me...so...nvm... Maybe you could blame me for not communicating with my parents... At home, i just do my own things. I dun feel like talking to them at all. Cos, save my breath, they don't understand at all. I've tried talking to them before...they just dun understand... Then sometimes, i just prefer to talk to my friends about it instead... Ahh...nvm...

Now, all's over. Perhaps i'm back to the same old routine. Out to my dad's office again!?!! -.-" I have no choice at all. I thought in life, you should be given choices in what you want to do and what you LIKE to do. Yes, my parents gave me that choice in studies, how bout in work life??? I'm not...I dun even have to sniff outside work life. My dad keep on brainwashing me, telling me other business cannot earn money, only his business can, cos he wants me take over -.-" diaoz right? I can't deny that's the truth, but does he consider my feelings? Is that what i like??? Nono, he doesn't even care. I begin to ponder again. What for i study so hard if i were to take over my dad's business. Secondary, Poly and then next on to University. Its like wasting my time... By the time i finish U, i'll be 24 already...so old le...after University Degree, i want to take Bachalors, then on to Masters, then Doctorate!!! Haha, i'm so ambitious right? Dunno i can or not...Maybe Degree i already half dead liao... Got anything higher than Doctorate or not??? I want go higher than that if possible! See can break record or not...LOL. And, i was just looking at the school fees. Its $20,000+++??!! So expensive sia... Now i really got second thoughts about going to U. If i didn't do well, its like wasting money... Someone tell me how??? Its not easy in U i guess, together with those JC people...oh no...they're so much smarter...

Gtg le...cont'd next time...ciaoz.

CNY!

2006-01-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Final Report finally submitted on 23 January 2006. Before that, printing the report was hectic. Alphon volunteered to print everything...but i cannot so bad ma, throw everything to him ask him to print. Althou he volunteered la, but still cannot so bad...LOL. So, i said, i print the main report, he print appendix la. We both print two copies... Cos, the stupid rule says need two copies. One for supervisor, one for second marker... I dunno why so ma fan -.-!!! Then he tell me appendix one copy is like 200++ pages?! I shocked...so many ah??? So two sets would be like 400++ pages??? Before that i didn't know, then i complain to him...haha...i know i complain alot... Then i saw him bring two big big files and then i ask him later that if i give him print everything will he 'kill' or blame me or not... He say "won't lah"... Aiyo, got so good meh? I dun believe...LOL. He print two times of what i printed. Total i only printed about 140++ pages, he printed 400++ pages. Yet he never complain at all...aww...he's so nice right? LOL. Good la...

Ok, final report submitted le, now still got VIVA presentation...that's what i FEAR MOST!!! Ask me to present in front of two markers...oh no! I'm gonna get the jitters... And, of two people, why am i always scheduled the FIRST to present!!! I present first, then Alphon...-.-! But, before this VIVA presentation, i still got another challenge ahead of me... My project was chosen for open house in e-garage. Project showcase... In the first place, why did my supervisor choose our project to showcase?!!! Haiz...so horrible, sure throw face one...sad... Tell me how to explain my project to pple when they ask me about it??? I shy girl leh...LOL. Die liao la...nvm wait for that day see what will happen... Maybe i throw all to Alphon to explain...ahaha... No lah, jk only...=p.

After VIVA, the whole FYP project is finally over le. Because of this FYP i got to know ONE new friend...ahaha! Its none other than Alphon lor, my FYP team mate...LOL. Hope he treat me as friend also hor...not just PROJECT TEAM MATE -.-!!! Project over le, cannot forget me one ah...LOL. Ok, kidding la... I'm getting crappy le...=p

Haha...i thought i will regret doing projects with guys, cos i've never done project with guys ever before in my life de... The reason being...my thinking la, guys are too slack...LOL. After this project, i still think its okay. Its the type of guys you do with... At least he still ok...but i can tell you, need pushing de...if not no action one...its proven!!! hahaha!!! Next time i do project with guys i must ask those questions* hor? I think Alphon would know what i'm talking about...heh...bleahs =p. And, never ever judge a book by its cover!!! Very important!!! I should have known...guys dun have guai guai, hardworking hardworking, smart smart de hor??? LOL.

Today is the second day of chinese new year. I'm a poor poor lad this chinese new year. I can't receive any ang baos' cos my lao lao ah ma just passed away not long ago, not one year yet, then my parents tell me cannot bai nian, cannot receive ang bao. My parents also never give out ang baos' this year at all... Haiz...sad =(.

Back!

2006-01-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

Finally, i'm 'free' enough to blog. Sorry for all those who read my blog. No updates for at least 1 month =/. Project product finally submitted on 090106. Overall, i'm not satisfied with it at all... I believe i can do better than that, but bcos of time constraints, lack of knowledge, blah, blah, blah...the list goes on and on... Nvm, now is the time to concentrate on report and do well! =). I'm in a team project so my supervisor gave us a choice to produce a team report or individual report seperately. And again, alphon gave me the choice whether i want it team or individual -.-". Actually its quite a difficult decision to make. Doing it individually got its advantages, while doing it in a team also have its advantages. Then that alphon...hahas, he told me that those SDLC life cycle must include in the report is for both team and individual and we are doing in a team project, so those parts are all the same except for the project evaluation part. Actually i agree on that too. Haha, hinting me for a team report eh... In the end, i gave in, team report it shall be... I'm just too nice...lol. Nvm... Then from start of project until now, he keep on telling me he going to "die" -.-". Everytime without fail sure got once hear him say that word de... I wonder, so easy to die meh? LOL. Quite funny though, i thought people would usually like to do nothing and then wait for someone to get work done for them... But him? He act 'cute' sia...tell me not to let him be free rider??? LOL. "I like, but i don't want...I will feel guily". Hahaha... This phrase made me laugh for the whole afternoon... Feeling guilty just because he never do anything. Aww... So...i throw him something to do. Otherwise he 'complain' again. -.-". Okay, don't talk about him...shh~ later he knows about it...LOL. Hope he doesn't know that i do all my 'complaining' here, or does he already know about it? Haa, nvm...

Time just passes so fast, poly life is ending soon. I'll miss my time in there... All the crapping and all my friends. Yeah, dunno why recently i can crap liao... My friends always say i "qian da". LOL!

Maybe after poly i will try admission to LOCAL Uni if my results are good. Admission to LOCAL Uni as well anyone out there? Just see who wants to go to Uni, else i'll be so lonely in there. None of my friends want to go to Uni...sobs sobs...

Not thinking hard enough =(

2005-12-01T11:17:00.000+08:00

Yeah, time to blog again...time to release stress here...

Lets see... Nothing really much this week. Just the same old routine. I've been staying in school quite late to do my FYP. Lately, i've been meeting someone very often everywhere i go. I wonder why does he appear where ever i go...haa. Perhaps we are from the same course ba... Yeah, its my secondary school friend, Chun Yeong. My friend says because we have fate... What crap lah...-.-". Nvm.

Yesterday, i left at around 6pm. Then i was walking pass the square, and i saw him again! LOL. Then just went over and chat with him...ask what is he doing. His reply? AVFE Assignment. I even asked him why doesn't he want to work on his assignment at home. He said cos he hopes to finish it and upload it by today. To think the dateline is tommorow, Thursday, and he is only working on it one day before...wahs... Its an audio assignment i guess, and you have to match the picture with the sound effects, or something like that. Listened to his audio clip. Its about an emergency. The beginning was ok; i like the part with the sounds of the footsteps, cos it has a little of echo and 3D effect...haa... Then his last part is quite noisy, with all the comotion of the people... Well, overall its ok... Then talked about the SMU thingy, whether he wants to study the courses or not... Then, etc, etc...LOL.

Oh yeah, yesterday met anand, one of the lecturers, and he managed to solve our problem! I'm just glad. Then cont'd developing other parts of the FYP. Was trying to check for errors when the user keys in the wrong username and password, but the correct error message just won't show up! So, in the end, we just gave up. From the displaying of username at the top of the page after the user sucessfully sign in to clearing the textfield when reset button is clicked, Alphonsus solved de... He's damn smart... Haiz, i'm very stupid, or is my brain just switched off... I didn't think hard enough...=(.

Until now, i'm still blaming myself for not thinking hard enough... I'm very drained...just too tired to think, but i had to tell myself i must go on... Now stuck at this stupid problem again...haa...ok, i must get going to solve it le...

Later going out with my friends. Heh, i'm gonna collect my free MP3 player at last!!! Yay!

My 100th post

2005-11-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

Finally, its my 100th post...

Ok, shall blog about the week so far.

Wednesday went to school again for FYP. Its the last lecture le, next week onwards no more lecture le. So sad =(. Morning didn't do much, cos my best-ies came and look for me in the room, then we were talking about whether to attend the SMU course thingy. After that we end up analysing who received the email, cos i think only the top how many percent of how school received it. 50 students received the email ma. Then my friend was telling me its arranged according to position de. Then i don't believe. Then we end up comparing the student numbers to the people who got it. Its really true its arranged according to position, cos the top who received it is Shu Ren, someone very smart from our school ba. So if its arranged according to position hor, i'm 17th in position... So sad...i wanna cry liao lor. Both of my best-ies got into top 10 lei... I'm so stupid right??? Haiz... After lunch, was discussing with Alphonsus about project stuffs and miscellaneous all the way. Hah, he ask me thing i cannot do my work liao. Must 'entertain' him and listen to him. LOL. Ok la, jk only. Then left at around 6pm. Reached the bus-stop, and guess who i saw? Honghao!!! Wahs, this guy, so long never see him le. One semester never seen him. He took the same bus as me, and on the bus was talking about In-House VS Internship. He keep on telling me In-House is better sia... I guess there are pros and cons ba...

Thursday, Alphonsus messaged me on MSN asking me about the database problem thingy. While he was thinking about the database, i decided to try on other things, such as exploring how the site map thingy work and also the tree view thingy. The site map could work amazingly...Hee! The tree view too, but its abit messy lei... Wahs, i'm ultra happy =). Then he told me later that he could not add data into the product type table cos got error in the relationship. So i decided to check what's wrong, and in less than 5 minutes, i got it solved. Haa. Just change the position of the relationship ma...LOL. Then he very cute one lei, cannot insert data in that table, die die stuck there liao -.-". Cute rite? He still admit he's damn cute sia...hahas. He's damn crappy and lame lor. Then i was surprised he asked me whether want to go to school on Friday or not. I agreed lor, since i'm free. I allowed him to suggest the time cos i didn't want him to be late. Then he suggested 1pm. And i was sure he wouldn't arrive at 1pm!!! LOL. True enough, the next day, i was already in school. I reached at about 12.30pm. I received a message from him asking me to take my time cos he will only reach at 1.30pm?! I knew it...LOL, cos he is ALWAYS late -.-". Went to have my lunch first with Jennifer, then settled down at square. Then so surprised sia, Alphonsus called me at 1.15pm... At least, 15 minutes early. First time sia...HAHA. Ok, then all the way we were talking about database thingy le...cos we want to settle the stupid database problem ma... Then he saw his friend, after that he became super 'busy' -.-". Quite frustrating, cos have to stop and discuss halfway... Stayed all the way till 7pm until he said he wanted to leave. I didn't dare to leave as well cos i'm afraid he still got things to discuss lei...scared ma... Reached home 7.40pm le... Super tired sia. Drained lor, but then still need to do the Database thingy. Made all the changes. Did till i almost went crazy...feel like crying... Imagine having to face this stupid database thingy for so long...see liao also want vomit...

Today woke up late, around 10.30am, cos i was super tired. I slept at 2am last night. Then after breakfast back to doing the database thingy again...haiz...sick and tired of it but still must do. Alphonsus messaged me online asked me am i okay or not?! I was like...i'm still intact ma, of course okay la...LOL. Haiz...actually i was lamenting about doing this database thingy, but then nvm la, if i don't do also nothing to do, so "just do it!" (nike's slogan). Hope i get this database right, once and for all... Dun wanna be stuck at this part again, i wanna move on!!! Alphonsus want to 'help out' again, hahas, so, i asked him do the UML diagram, but he take super long to do sia, so end up i do. But i only took 30 minutes to finish lei. Don't know how come he need to take so long de =/.

Lunch was MAC's new tepayaki (spelt correctly?) burger and seaweed fries shake. The burger was so so to me only...to much mayonaise...lols. The seaweed fries lei, still edible la, too saltish...hahas. Sorry ah, i'm a little fussy on food de... That's why i'm so thin...too picky about food...

Dinner was at sembawang shopping centre. A thai restaurant there...lots of people, must queue and wait de -.-". So just wait lor. The food there is nice, went a few times to eat there liao...

At night reached home, continue with project......again!!! I think my whole mind filled with project. Everytime switch on my lappy only i think of the project -.-". Alphonsus messaged me again...'complain' to me he never do anything again, no output...lols. Haha, he also very cute one lei...everytime 'complain' same thing to me...-.-". Okok, don't say so many things about him, later he happen to read this then come and 'kill' me...

Haiz, now i must go back to solve the stupid relationship problem agains... I'm going crazy liao lor...why that relationship cannot add!!! What's wrong?!!! None of my friends can help me about this cos they never do database in VB before...sighs~~~ Who'd be able to help me?!!! My supervisor? Haiz...everytime i ask him, he will ask me to refer documentation one... Alphonsus? He still ask me to teach him how to create the relationship thingy lor...LOL. Wahs, die la...i need help desperately... I want some inspiration!!!

My bestest buddy got a bf

2005-11-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

Ok, shall blog about it...

Its monday today, and as usual, i have to go to school for my FYP. Reached school, realised wireless was down again. By the time the wireless was up, time check: 9:36am. I signed in. I could only log out at 5:36pm.

That stupid room, all the power source dunno disappeared to where le... Everytime my battery flat, i must go search for power source de... Then sometimes, the power source no power de! Fed-up. So, the best place to sit is beside Alphonsus. Confirm got power source there de...somemore so many plugs there. He clever, choose that place to sit... I stupid la, that time when i sit there only got 2 plugs there, now dunno disappeared till where le =x.

Lunch time, went to meet Kelly. Haiz, Lay Kuan went home le. Very sad leh... Tears almost roll down my cheeks, when i heard she went home le... Hahas, i'm just being sarcastic. Bleahs =p. Then Kelly told me something. Actually i sorta guessed and i knew it long ago. Cos that guy always look for her. So only today then she tell me she got boy friend. I wasn't shocked at all, cos i was prepared le. Happy for her, but at the same time, i feel abit sad for myself. All my friends, or should i say most of them have boy friends le. Now, what i cannot take it is that even my closest closest friend got a boy friend and i haven't even got one ever before! Yea, i haven't even started a relationship before, much less have that type of feeling of liking to a guy. Really wierd right? Its been 19 years already. Most people would at least have a relationship once... What does this show? Wo mei you ren yao...nobody likes me...so sad. But i know this type of things cannot rush de...but sometimes i really wished there's at least someone there to be my pillar... I'm feeling jealous, envious. Especially everytime when i see couples together, the more i have that feeling... Striken by reality, well, i can't hide. But, i wish to run away from it...

Well, actually i like someone, but i don't know how to know him better... I think its my fear for guys ba... Guys and girls are different. When i'm with girls, i tend to say anything and everything that comes to my mind. I can crap with them, joke with them and say anything that comes to my mind. But when i'm with guys, dunno why lei, will feel tongue tied at times de... Only with those guys that i'm closer with then can crap ba...hahas. Well, they're just different, but both are human beings right? LOL. My friend told me because i treat guys and girls differently, it'd be very hard for me to give myself a chance to understand guys better. I did give myself a chance lei, but i never feel anything only ma...LOL. I think it all boils down to one fact: my fear for guys. Hey, why am i still so afraid of them. That incident happened so long ago le. Someone tell me not be afraid of guys lei...

Talking about guys, my team mate is a guy...haha! Hah, sometimes really cannot stand him de... I know why i cannot find someone i like liao, cos my thinking is always: "I cannot stand them!". LOL. This afternoon was helping Kelly to take out her two pin plug ma, then i tried to pull it out, but no matter how hard i tried, i cannot pull it out...hahas, so i was there struggling. Then he help me pull out, say i never eat rice, in chinese. Haiz...he bad lor... I keep quiet...dun wan say anything...wanna cry liao...lol. Haiz...i know i no strength la...no need to say till like that ma...hahas, nvm nvm...

Then, talking to him, he won't answer one lei... Even Jennifer agreed with me... That time she talk to him, he never answer her de =x. Must call him two times then got response de... So sometimes i lazy to talk to him, i wait for him talk to me better. Cos talk to him waste my energy ma, must repeat twice de. LOL! Ok la, crap =x.

Just logged on to MEL, oh, i belong to a module group! T23. Two people only. Alphonsus and Me! LOL. I think they group all the pupils in FYP ba. I found it under communication --> group pages.

I dunno whether i want to go back to school tommorow lei. No one pei me...so sad. If i go, i just want someone to do work together with me ba... Haiz, if i ask Alphonsus, he sure dun want de... Then my friends have lessons... Hmm, see how ba... I really wish to go to school though, cos i'll be super bored at home. Just the 4 walls staring at me, and so many temptations... I can't do my work!

Current feeling now: thinking too much*

Birth Month

2005-11-18T10:37:00.000+08:00

This is what my birth month means...

MARCH

* Attractive personality

* Affectionate

* Shy and reserved

* Secretive

* Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic

* Loves peace and serenity

* Sensitive to others

* Loves to serve others

* Not easily angered

* Trustworthy

* Appreciative and returns kindness

* Observant and assess others

* Revengeful

* Loves to dream and fantasize

* Loves travelling

* Loves attention

* Hasty decisions in choosing partners

* Loves home decors

* Musically talented

* Loves special things

* Moody

Hey, its quite true for most of them...lol.

Sighs~

2005-11-17T16:38:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Its gonna be week 9 next week. Haven't even started with the database...got some compatibility problems...stupid beta version software!!! Now Alphon (hah, my friend's name super long and complicated, so i just cut short, spell short form can liao...=p) lappy need to reformat cos his one got problem liao...the .NET framework 2.0 lah... actually initially he got problem already, then he uninstall reinstall worse =x. Then cos i also installed the wrong database software, which is also beta version, and i got 2 .NET framework 2.0 versions. My supervisor say that this database software not compatable with the VS 2005. Last time he asked us install the database software from the internet one lor, then he said he recommend that one somemore... Never tell us not compatible with VS 2005!!! Now uninstall very ma fan lor...must be very careful, uninstall wrongly only, everything cannot use. Scary right??? I see Alphon's lappy like that i dun even dare uninstall liao. What if something happen? Must reformat com... Reformat still nvm lor... Waste my time lor...later not enough time liao... So...i guess i have to use my mummy's lappy...borrow hers. Somemore hers is the property of the school de...so i cannot how install thingy... Just hope can work!!! I don't want anything to go wrong again...

Btw, was chatting with Alphon yesterday. Then he confirmed with me the international delivery thingy... Then i said we were still doing it, cos of the "idea" he suggested last time. Then i was thinking of just integrate it, since its still possible. And, a website should reach out to people from other countries as well, so why not? Then i dunno leh, maybe i sounded abit too defensive... He ask me to relax -.-". Ok la, actually i know the reason myself why also... Then i told him the reason... Dunno why leh, i'm extra protective of myself against guys... I scared i'm bullied again ma... Although it happend like so long ago, around primary 1 or 2... Two different guys, i forever remember them! Haiz...this incident forever leave a scar in my memory... I got this fear, or should i say phobia... Argh...i dunno lah... I must come to like and appreciate guys! Haha...crap... Hey, but maybe guys now more mature ba... I feel that they are more...haha, got "you(1) muo(4) gan(3)". LOL! Like to crap alot one lor...dunno why leh. Kanna influenced by my friends too much. Recently i also start to crap liao...LOL. Haha, but quite fun lah... Ok, back to the topic...i told him my reason was that i afraid guys will bully me again and i very afraid of guys le... Then he ask me be careful of my dad cos he is also a guy?! -.-". He really very crappy one lor -.-"". Actually this one i know lah... Then he said he was afraid of me cos...i will blog all these happenings de... Btw, i got one very big question here...how he know i blog?!!! I never tell him wor... Hmm, very wierd lor...

Haiz...slowly get to know Alphonsus le...realised he is ...... Eh...better not say here, later he see how...then he "kill" me...hahas. Ok la, jk... Haha, a nice guy, with fake quietness loh...lols, cos at first i thought he was quiet one lor...turned out fake one...can crap so much de... Sometimes super "cute" one leh. Like today, i thought he went for those talks ma, then he come back, and just nice, my friend called me asked me go SMU talk, he said he also going, then i ask him why not stay there, still come back... You know what he told me??? He said he scared someone steal his lappy -.-". Very cute leh. Omg, i tell him won't lah! If anyone would steal, it'd be me...ahaha...ok, just kidding. But i was sitting beside his place at that time, cos my lappy no bat le, need to charge. That stupid room, my power source at my place disappear, don't know who take it away!!! Anyway, he is a good partner, really...... Compared to other guys, i think he is abit better ba...otherwise, i think by now i very fed-up liao lor... When i was told i am going to do a team project with a guy, i was like, "oh no!, not again, guys are !@#$%", heh, cos i thought guys very slack de, they won't do work!!! The good thing i find in him is that, if he has nothing to do, he ask me for thing to do?!!! Nothing to do also complain one leh...very funny hor? Omg, it took me 8 weeks to accept him as a friend...to get really comfortable with him...now can even get crappy with him...LOL, quite fun la. Then he also like to promote handphone alot de, cos he is selling handphone at his brother's shop...LOL. Just yesterday, Kelly was using her phone ma, then he saw it, ask how much she bought it for...of cos more ex ba since bought it from outside, then he said how much he is selling...hahas... Shhh~ don't let him see this...i comment alot hor... This my only place to say what i think ma... If i say so much "rubbish" to pple, think they won't listen to me de...so sad ="(. Oh ya, and that expression he gave me yesterday after explaining to me the review thingy...haiz...so bad lor...i know i slow ma... Sorry ah, my friends when explaining thing to me all need to go extra mile de...must explain more than once then i understand... But i'm so glad i got such patient friends...

6pm le, they need to lock the room, so i have to leave the room, wait at the square for Kelly and Jennifer. I got nothing to do, so i just see Alphonsus surfing website...i was bored lah... Alphonsus was surfing golden village website, he told me long time never watch movie le...lols. Then if its so, for me its been ages since i went to the cinema watch movie, since sec 2 lor. Then i tell him not worth it go watch movie nowadays in cinema cos its expensive lor, close to $10 on weekends leh... Weekdays also not worth it lor. Almost $7.00 i think? I say why not buy DVD go home and watch better. Then he say don't have the sound effect... Haha, then i say nvm, cos i got home theater system at home, so doesn't matter ma...LOL. I also asked about the online booking system...hahas, i thought have to pay the extra $0.50, just $0.50 through credit card... Then was asking him after the movie Doom, whether is it a nice show... He heard wrongly, thought that i watched already, and i said its nice... Actually i meant the game, cos i like the game... Then he say such boyish stuff i also like...... Cannot ma?!!! Haiz...girls must do girley stuff all the time??? LOL. Haha, i maybe quiet, but don't judge me by what you see in me...bleahs...

Today, i intend to get the Visual Studio 2005 installed in my the other com. Was installing halfway, until the 3rd component which is Visual Studio 2005, there is error -.-". What error 1304?!!! Telling me to verify whether i have permission rights or something... I'm in administrator account lor...should have access ma!!! Fed-up... I tried a few times cannot, then i went to school. Anyway i'm having lunch in school as well and meeting Kelly and Jennifer ma. Reached school, saw Kelly and Jennifer already at square there. Then they told me Alphonsus reached le, went up support centre. Then i just say we have lunch first then go support centre find him... So, was having lunch... Then, i received a phone call from Alphonsus, he said he already sent his laptop to MEL. Then he left school le...wah, so fast...LOL. Hahas, my friend overheard my conversation with him then they say he so bad, never stay back look for me... Then i say nvm la, i know he won't wait de...he not so good one... If he's so good, will have heavy rain that day again lor... God too touched by his actions liao...LOL! Ok, i'm crapping again...... Well, nvm nvm, he really very bad...lols.

Sourced for help. First stop went to support centre. The staff there, hopeless... So very fed-up! Nvm, plan B... Jennifer told me Mr Tan installed VS 2005 beta version before. So maybe can ask him for help ba. But, went to call him, he's not around! So i just left an email, hope he would reply and get back to me so that i can meet him tommorow. Then i wanted to join school wireless network cos my the other lappy haven't configured to join. So i tried to detect the wireless network...no NPNet de! So wierd... Then i add the SSID thingy, also cannot work one... Nvm, tommorow ask my friend... Wasted my day today in school, luckily i got my best buddies to pei me...thanks... Went to convention centre bazzar, i saw them selling external HDD which i'm looking for. 40GB at $109? Should be quite worth it ba, i was thinking whether or not to buy. Then the thumb drive also very cheap...but i enough thumb drives liao la... I only want external HDD.

Reached home at 5pm. Super tired. Die la, these few days after i reach home i'm very tired. I don't even feel like doing anything =x.

Ok, this is a very crappy entry...i know... No where to say what i think so i just write it out here... Yeah, feeling much better after writing out my thoughts...lol.

Peer Pressure?

2005-11-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

Another week is going to end soon.

I'm not gonna be lonely anymore! Since school reopen, i feel happier...hahas. Cos i can meet up with my bestest pals everyday! Well, not everyday, but at least on the days which i have to go to school. Endless stuff to talk about. But they always aim me, cos i aim them everytime, ha! ...poor me...lol.

Wednesday, Kelly, Lay Kuan and Nicole came to find me. How come the number of people looking for me increasing liao huh? LOL. After that Jennifer also came. Then cos Kelly wanna look for our mentor check whether her name is in the attendence list for PI, so i agreed and then left with her to go to Blk 31, 8th floor. I went back to the room, then i heard Nicole say someone looking for me, or say something about me, then i just asked Lay Kuan and Jennifer what happened. Jennifer suddenly say, "sir, Pamela is back..." Cos the teacher still there ma, scare me, i faster go back to my place and sit. Got to know later that she is actually telling Alphonsus. So he was looking for me -.-". Scare me, i thought the teacher is looking for me! Ha...

Had lunch at 12pm, cos my friends hungry le, then all wanna have lunch, so the four of us, Me, Lay Kuan, Kelly and Jennifer headed to canteen 3. After lunch i say i want to go to the computer shop to see how much they sell the external hard disk. Headed there then i asked them whether they sell external hdd or not. They say stock haven't arrive. Holiday until now so long le, still haven't arrive... Then i ask them when they stock will arrive, they say don't know, cos their boss haven't order?! So nvm, then just left and went to co-op supermarket, cos Jennifer wanna buy somethings. After that went back to class le.

At night, was online. Alphon messaged me on msn ask me how's the project. Still at the interface part... I must get this stupid system error file solved! Cannot be always there de ma... I think i know where the error lies, but is it safe to modify the system files? Sighs~ Alphon has been telling me he's afraid of our project... Very contagious, i'm beginning to feel afraid again... Peer pressure! He said i was giving him peer pressure. I wonder if its the other way round instead, or we both give each other peer pressure. =( I don't know its a good thing or bad thing, but then i'm starting to feel stressed again. I got the feeling we can't complete the whole system, especially the administrator part. Haiz, no matter what, we must aim to do well... Final sem le......its the last lap! Jia you, jia you, jia you!

Time passes super fast, just like a bullet train, i'm gonna be graduating... To say truthfully, i don't wanna graduate. Its at Ngee Ann where i really 'grow' up. Learned lots of stuff from many people. Perhaps they are all older than me, and they went through more in life. I don't want to leave my best pals i've known since year 1. I'm afraid i'd forget them, or they'd forget me... I don't want this to happen. But, life has to go on... So sad...

I've been using the piano as my stress reliever these days...haiz... At least, after playing some pieces, i feel better. I also find myself listening to Wu Yue Tian songs which i don't like last time, cos too noisy le...but dunno why now i like noisy noisy songs leh... After i listened to them, i will feel better. Oh yeah, i finally found 5566 hao jiu bu jian album songs. Not all the songs are nice. I personally find "crying in the rain" a nice song, with a nice rhythem. The lyrics are quite meaningful too. Untitled by Simple Plan is also nice...i especially like the rhythem of the song alot! I chanced upon this song while listening to songs on radioblog.com. Hope i can play the piece on the piano...

Haiz...i wanna cry, i wanna scream!!! Someone hear my rants can? My feelings: Bored to death, yet angry, yet frustrated...yet cluelss to solve the problems, yet stupid, yet......the list goes on... Stupid Visual Studio... Only my com has this problem?! If its so...i don't know what i did to deserve this.

Someone 'entertain' me. Don't say those "funny jokes" can liao. I cannot stand it...hahas. I wonder, why my friends like to say those funny, crappy and lame jokes one leh... Wah, cannot take it, i will laugh until i suffer from stomach pain...LOL.

Someone tag my tagboard! Its been dormant for sometime liao... So sad, no one tag ='(. All people who read my blog must tag! Ahahaha!

Updates

2005-11-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

Finally, school started on 31 October. I think first week of school for my friends really slack leh, cos got 2 holidays in a week. Good for them lor. Good for me also, i can get to meet my friends everytime.

Monday, reached school, was trying to sign attendence through the online system. Stupid school wireless down lor... Somemore they only allow us sign attendence until 10am, if you want sign later than 10am cannot liao, considered late le... So i tried and tried...haiz...passed 10am liao lor, i thought just try my luck see whether still can sign in or not. Really cannot liao...haiz...nvm. Alphonsus also cannot sign in ma...hahahas...i'm not alone! Bleahs...crap la... Then just told our supervisor we cannot sign in... So actually we can go home one, since counted late liao, but nvm lah, just stayed on... Then installed the SQL Express 2005 from the website. It require the .NET 2.0 framework to be installed seperately.

I installed finish le, but then Alphonsus one got problem...i also dunno what error is that. So nvm, i just went for lunch first, cos Lay Kuan called me, ask me go Atrium eat sandwitch again -.-". So, headed to atrium, to find Kelly and Lay Kuan already there. Found a place to sit down, then bought our food. Then chatted a little, after lunch Lay Kuan left le cos she need to work later at 5.30pm. Left me and Kelly. Was talking about my friend, Chun Yeong, then he suddenly appeared right in-front of me. Hahas. Ok, after that Kelly and I headed to my class le, cos she still have time before next lesson. Then let her check some things on my com, she wants to see who is in her class...LOL. Alphonsus came back from lunch not long after...then Kelly say "hi" to him... So they really knew each other...lols. Kelly told me they knew each other in sem 1. The world is really very small...

After my friend left, i tried all sorts of ways to solve the problem on Alphonsus lappy, but still failed. So in the end, i fed-up. I suggested one very super "good" idea...ahaha... Go to the support center and ask the people there...lols. Otherwise what's the support center for? Hahas. Okay, so we made our way up there. I have sentiments that there might be alot of people since its the first day of school... But, it turned out okay, not as many people as i thought. Asked for help, then finally got to know the problem. He didn't install service pack 2...the support staff there said that the software might need sp2 as a requirement... At the same time, we asked where to collect the VS 2005 beta version. Its at the resource center. Before leaving the support center, i got a call from Kelly, saying her lesson ended already?! So fast? Ok, so i just met her at Blk 27 Level 6, since i'm going there to collect the VS 2005 beta version software. After that went down to the 1st floor classroom again to continue with work for awhile. Then Alphonsus dl his sp2. After that Kelly rush me go for the briefing...hahas... I thought we were early, but, wah, the year 2s all very ting hua leh, most of them came...cos most of them were year 2s... Its a year 2 cum year 3 briefing. If i knew, i shouldn't have went, waste my time, like nothing de, cater for year 2 students only. Jennifer joined us much later... After that went home with them. Reached home around 6pm. Alphonsus messaged me on MSN. I thought he was at home already, but then he said he was still in school? Hah, the service pack 2 really take super long to dl...

Tuesday is a public holiday. Kanna forced by my parents go walk treetop walk at MacRitchie. I don't know what's the actual distance, but i know i walked alot alot. Half dead liao lor... Just very tired... Then came back, got a terrible stomach ache...i even feel like vommiting. I reckon its food poisoning... After that, was just too drained to do any other things. My brain just stopped working. Then i just slept... Around 4pm, woke up, continued with my work...till about 6pm. Bathe, then went out ate sushi at Lay Kuan's working place, but she not working today leh...haiz...such a pity...

Craps

2005-10-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

Last night was chatting with Alphonsus about the rollover button thingy... VB.NET cannot create rollover images! Arghh...tou tong! So nvm, i don't believe cannot one...sure can de, must have someway, finally i found the solution! Wah, super ma fan sia, still need to add this, add that... The output leh, still got problem de, but the rollover thingy is there. I just don't know why when rolled over, the image will disappear de...=x. Fedup. Tried all sorts of method also cannot make it work. Then i ask him whether our supervisor got call him up yesterday or not. Don't have? Funny, how come call me to ask my notebook specification only, because he want to find similar notebook test the VB 2005?! Alphonsus no need meh...his notebook also need to dl the new VB 2005 beta version ma...hmms... Then he said asked about what ma, i scare him abit...ahaha, i bluffed him said that our supervisor complain about him. He really believe?! Haha, so easy to scare de...lol. I'm very bad sia...LOL. But in the end i still tell him the truth lor...i'm still very good de lah...cannot treat friend this way ma...

Later he start talking about his gf thingy...then he said his display pic is his sister -.-" which i do not believe... Then he bluff me again, so its really his gf, i should have known...he say it was getting back at me?! Argh, can't stand him sia...so "childish". LOL. See him in school quiet quiet de, really can crap alot alot... His quietness bluff people de... Finally, slowly getting to see his true colour liao wor... I thought he very good one...haha, pian ren de... Guys got good ones...as if...i should have known...=p. I wonder how his gf stand him... Always late de... That day i just said him, then he came so early the next day. I asked him, and he said it was because i said him, so he came early -.-". Ahaha, but very effective sia... Next time can say more...LOL. Then he talked about his gf, wah, know for 4 years liao...xian mu...hahas. This type of thing must treasure one lor... Then bcos i ask him where his gf study ma, is it SA? Just anyhow guess de lah, cos my cousin also in SA lor. Then he busybody sia, ask my cousin what name, see his gf know anot?! As if not enough, ask what address la, NRIC la...haha, he was joking...ok, very funny...-.-".

Then today leh, ok lah, i started the conversation first, just want to double confirm the rollover button thingy in VB.NET ma. Then he asked me something, every week confirm ask de -.-". Here's an excerpt of our conversation...

AFonsO says:
what are we going to do next?

AFonsO says:
start programming?

~If you can dream it, you can do it.~*i'm sick of this life how could this happen to me?*™*p*~*MIN*™~ says:
oai..don't ask me this question la..wo pa le ni..

~If you can dream it, you can do it.~*i'm sick of this life how could this happen to me?*™*p*~*MIN*™~ says:
every week definitely must ask one..-.-"

AFonsO says:
okay lor

AFonsO says:
then i slack lor

AFonsO says:
till i die

"Nice" reply right? Argh, nvm, guys will be guys -.-" You don't want them to do that, they reply the extreme -.-". Say until like very cham like that.

Ok, enough crappy and project thingy talk.

...

2005-10-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

I am really feeling lonely right now and i'm beginning to think too much agains. Been having scary dreams every night, i dunno why. Too stressed? How can it be when i have a partner to share the workload with me right? Dunno leh, i think i worry alot... Then because our final project product need to hand in at December which is two months from now, i don't know whether enough time to do or not, cos some functions really very difficult to do... Then my partner tell me got time de...just like doing three projects like that. Quite true ba...hope got time...

Haiz, now caught between many problems...project problems ba...lol... Heng ah, its not personal problems, if not tou tong liao le.

Talking about problems, yesterday my third aunt was at my grandma's place for lunch as well. Then after lunch just went up to the living room join her and my grandma for a chat lor... Then she asked me how leh, my biao di have gf liao. Hahas. Somemore he younger than me got gf liao...wah, you ben shi...LOL. He only sec 4 this year leh. Then she ask me i got bf or not?! I said no lah... Then she say am i bluffing or not... What the...how come everyone thinks i'm bluffing them de ah. This type of thing need to bluff de -.-". Then i reply her say that all the guys i know all very crappy one la... Everytime i only like to "scold" and say them only...ahaha...no la, kidding. But dunno why leh, all very nice to bully de...hahas. Hope no guys read my blog else they will kill me sia...shh~ Come to think of it again, if guys are not crappy, they won't be called guys right? LOL. Ok, conclusion, guys must be crappy. HAHA. I even think i'm getting crappy with the influence of guys sometimes =x. Ok, enough crappy talk. BLEAHs.

I'm dying of boredom here! Haiz...no siblings is like that de...but sometimes being alone also nice...no one to fight with you for things, can do whatever i like! Argh, that Alphonsus taking so long to reply me! I wanna sleep liaos...

Something's Not Quite Right =/

2005-10-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, chatted with Alphonsus with project and stuffs and ended up crapping...LOLs. Then i just anyhow say, ask him to come earlier la, cos he never once early de. Then as usual la, he tell me his dunno answer...hahas. He said he very pig one...ahaha...so nvm, i knew he would be late again de...i xi guan liao la...

Ok, so today, i reached school around 9.03am like that. Just sat down only, then Alphonsus arrived le?!!! Eh...something's not quite right leh...thought he always late de...how come today super early sia... Or he just wanna prove to me he can come early one...ahaha. Think just today only...LOL. Then i made a remark say he very early today hor, he never reply me, he just smile smile only -.-". Then went for refresher lecture le... The lecture is quite long today, 2 lectures together. Stupid room, freaking cold -.-". After lecture, realised have a few mistakes... Then went back to the room discuss some thingy. Then the administrator generate sales report need the calendar thingy ma...hahas, think of it very funny sia. Can actually implement month, week, and day one, but we thought week not possible cos we thinking of drop-down list and we thought with the calendar the user cannot select a week ma. Then explore abit at VB, yuan lai ke yi de, just have to change something only. Then i was thinking, orhs, so easy ah...LOLs, then think until so complicated...hahas. Ok, next its the browser thingy. Alphonsus suddenly ask me single screen 800x600 is how wide. I just say its when we open our browser window that screen lor...then he said "is it?", no meh...i thought so ma...hahas. Omg, ask me so "funny" question sia. =/

I saw his logout time, 3.49pm. So early...he ask someone help him sign in ma...7.49am sign in sia...wahs...so good right? After lunch, help him look at his toolbar problem...very wierd one, i thought very easy to solve de...but then dunno what happen, all those thing he open cannot be seen de leh...then i tried all sorts of ways also cannot... Then the funny thing is moving the toolbar thingy, i move one click can liao, he dunno how to move...lols. Haha, his lappy don't like him! LOL!

Then i thought he will leave quite early one la, about 4.30pm like that, but then today he stay until 5.05pm like that then he left. Then he help someone logout ma, he need to change to npstd account and logout de leh, very funny de. Then i say since he is using his own account, just close the window after he use his account, then login other people account, he say cannot...LOL...got some problem liao... His lappy really alot of problem...hahas. It was my logout time at 5.05pm, so i just logout and we left together.

Just reached home, haven't even sat down yet, mum reached home le?! Haiz, how come everyone so early today ah...something not quite right here leh...

Hmms, i was thinking of going to school to start doing the project... Anyway at home, i can't get motivation of doing anything leh, need people look at me do de then i will do things... No inspiration also, so many things to distract me. TV, my bed...lols. See first ba, see can get my friends' company or not...i think she working ba...hahas...

Guilty

2005-10-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

Last night, after a dream, i just couldn't fall asleep, dunno why. I think i do the project thingys everyday, even my dream is about the project leh...haiz... Ok, back to my dream. I just remembered part of it, but i think its my fault bahs. My partner got scolded cos my supervisor found out he never did anything?! Then i tried to explain to my supervisor he got do things, but my supervisor don't wanna listen...so sad... Then the punishment for my partner was to stay back until 12am midnight... I know its abit unrealistic bah, especially the stay back part. After that i woke up le... Feeling abit guilty...then i couldn't get back to sleep. Tossed and turn, until almost morning le, then dunno when i fell asleep... Haiz...until now i still remember this horrible dream, hope it won't come true...just hope its really just a dream...

Lunch time, went to Bukit Panjang plaza. Went to the library borrowed books on dreamweaver and ASP.NET which i think i might find it useful. Then while going to the kopitiam to buy my lunch, i saw someone look very alike Honghao!!! Don't know whether its him or not leh, or maybe not...so i just walked passed him, then while going down the escalator, i looked up again, really look like Honghao sia...

Hmm, tonight not going over my grandma's place for dinner cos they got new maid, still don't know how to cook maybe... So, what's for dinner? I'm getting sick and tired of food outside...its all the same, rice, noodles, western...all the same, nothing special de...

Tml's Monday again...sian...need to go to school again, stuck in that freaking cold room again -.-". How i wish i don't have to stay there to do project work sia. Why can't i work in the square, or library, or anywhere la, as long as its not in that freaking cold room, i'm fine, lols. Alphonsus agreed with me also...its really super cold lor, that room. And if you change the fan speed to 2 or 1, it'll be hot and so stuffy...

Bored

2005-10-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

17 October, Monday, i had to go to school as usual. Reached quite early. Lecture haven't start yet so went to the room put my things first and login. Then the lecturer come le...omg, its my supervisor sia. Alphonsus die liao lah, he late again -.-". Hahas. So just went for the refresher lecture. Its about the use case diagram and description. Then very funny sia, my friend got mixed up AFD and use case diagram. Almost 10am liao, Alphonsus finally reached. Haiz...i xi guan liao lah... Then my supervisor in the room mah, he suddenly call out Alphonsus name sia...lols. Ok, then after that plot survey results... Ate lunch, then continue doing work...until 5.01pm, then i logout. Then as usual, my partner don't know why leh, always like rushing for time like that de...so he just left first...don't know everytime meeting who de. Cannot wait awhile de...i'm also going to leave liao mah =p. Haiz...nvm... But, everytime i reach the bus-stop he still there de...hahas...

19 October, Wednesday, as usual reach school quite early. Then got refresher lecture. This time is Mr Mani. Heng not my supervisor...hahas. Then i think Alphonsus thought is our supervisor, reach school very early hor? LOL. Actually not early liao loh, 9.30am liao. But its counted early liao, earliest of all. I also surprised sia. No wonder later that day, it rained...ahahaha. Ok lah, joking only. I think he cannot come early one leh...haiz... Nvm, so continued doing work. Tried to do the stupid state chart thingy, but fed up lah, don't know how to do leh... So after that switched to do storyboard. Then Alphonsus say he wanna add things inside the storyboard, the description part, so i said ok. After that discussed some other thingys, then he suddenly say about the report thingy. Then i say better not ask our supervisor too much cos we are assessed on our independency also. Then he ask about report need to do what lah, how to write the format all these, then suddenly talk about VIVA 0.0. Wah, he think so far liao... Scare me sia... Then i told him, we haven't reach so far yet, relac...LOL. This time not i kan chong, is him hor...hahas.

Yesterday, i think i crap with Alphonsus the whole day...hahas, actually i think its because i got nothing better to do... Very boring leh...do the project, must relax abit...hahas. But i think most of the time is talk about the project thingy bahs. Then i was designing the company logo mah, then i showed him. I wanted something original, so i created the graphics myself. He laughed at the logo sia...actually i also think quite funny lah... My logo cute cute one de...yeah! Not final one bahs, if got better idea, maybe will change it.

Later at night, Lixin messaged me on MSN, talk crap -.-". Ahahas, ok lah, anyway i quite bored also. Then after that Kelly, ask me on IS enrollment. Today, i messaged Lay Kuan, cos i'm really feeling super bored liao...gonna die of boredom soon. Then after Kelly messaged me, do IS enrollment for her. Haiz, Lay Kuan also ask me do sia, later i still must check for her got other slot or not... Very funny sia, everytime pple ask me do de?! =x Nvm, i just do lor...

Looking forward to school reopen, i can have a get-together with my so-called "crappy" friends. Hee. To me, they are crappy enough le =).

Missing You

2005-10-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

The days passes so fast, gonna be week 4 of FYP le. 16 more weeks to go. Monday, other than tabulating survey results i dunno what to do le. Hope Alphonsus doesn't ask me what to do =x. I would really be tongue-tied. I was chatting with Jennifer, then Jennifer told me Alphonsus is those shy shy type de... I was wondering, "guys would be shy de?" Hahas, i've always thought only girls are shy =p. Maybe i haven't known enough guys...lols. And one thing, someone told me that guys and girls are the same, but i've always thought of them differently. That someone told me that whatever guys do, girls can as well... Perhaps from young i've already started hated guys that's why. I shall leak a little secret here.

In primary school, i think i was only primary 1 or 2 then. Got this guy, sitting in the same group as me somemore (last time we sat in groups, colour groups, red, blue, yellow, blah, blah...) He bullied me always! Its the real type of bully ok! He took my water bottle, took my ruler, whatever things he can take, he take -.-". So, from then on, my thinking is like, "i hate guys!!!, I'm never never gonna make any guy friends at all!" Other than those guys who would auto talk to me de, i seldom approach guys de...even until now, cos i still fear this type of thing would happen, although i'm so old le...

As time goes by, and as i get older, i slowly realised there are really nice guys around. In secondary school, hmm, i met one bahs, although in the beginning he like to "say" me, but then after that, we were in the same course, then there was once we took the same elective, and i asked him for help. He helped readily. Aww, so nice~ really thankful, otherwise i think i wouldn't have survived the assignment That's when my thinking for guys change. Poly days passes by, that's when i met more guys, most of em, really helpful, although i think they ask more help from me, but when i ask them for help, they really helped... Hahas, i just think nice guys are hard to come by... And only until now, i'm finally coming to accept guys and girls are the same...LOL. Issn't abit too slow? I know, i know... Maybe that's because why i haven't found a bf. My thinking stopped me mah...ahahas. Ok, crap =p. But i tell you, it issn't easy finding someone you really like. Maybe that someone i like already has a gf, or maybe that someone i like doesn't like me...aha, imaginative thinking eh? Bleahs. Actually i've got someone i like, but then, yah, i'm gonna repeat what i've just said, maybe that someone already has a gf, or maybe that someone just doesn't like me? Hahas.

Ok, enough bf, gf talk. My friends especially like this topic, i really dunno why. Spare me please! How many times have i said i haven't got a bf liao. Still say i bluff =x. Ahh, i'm missing my long time no see friend again le...LOL. The hello kitty paper from the capsule thingy still at my home wor~ Everytime i see that, remind me of her and her capsule thingy craze...Ahahas. Hope we can catch up really soon. Miss ya! =p

Sick!

2005-10-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

This time i'm really sick =x. Thanks to Alphonsus -.-". He always blows his nose and seemed to be having a flu when i'm sitting beside him -.-". And me, can say weakling lah, so unlucky, i also caught the virus le, but i ended up catching a cold. Arghh. Tuesday night was actually sick le, but the next day, which is Wednesday, still not so bad, at least my nose issn't block. Come Wednesday night, i know i'm sick already -.-". Its been ages since i was sick. I hate to fall sick, and i wouldn't go to see the doctor unless i'm really super sick. I just hate to swallow pills =x. Now, i'm feeling really horrible. Runny nose, sore throat, and my head is heavy. I just don't feel like doing anything. Just feel very sian...

Did nothing much today except for refinements of the ER Diagram and UML Class Diagram thingys. Then now doing the tabulating of survey results. Actually i'm just preparing the tables only. Only next week then intend to tabulate.

Oh ya, lunch yesterday with Diana, talked about primary school life, then i said i was from Nan Hua Primary mahs. Then she said i know of a guy called Martin Sim? I remembered him lor!!! He's the one who asked me that super funny question... I remembered i was only primary 4 then. One day, he called me up, just to ask, "Pamela, you like me is it?". I was shocked for a moment lor. Then i quickly said no, then put down quickly. Scared sia... First time got guy ask this type of wierd wierd question de... I will never forget... Indeed quite a few familar faces i saw were from my primary school. I even met my long lost primary school friend here, Wang Jiawen! Ahaha...

Currently in love with Guang Liang's Tong Hua and Ocean's Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu. Its really nice when played on piano and it just keeps getting nicer each time i play it. Hmm, maybe i shall upload on my lappy and hear myself play. But still, its not perfect, sighs~ All of Ocean's songs in his new album Rainbow are nice! I like all of em! Especially the first song, "ting ni tan gang qing", if i didn't remember the song name wrongly. Oh yeah, Jay's Qing Tian opening is also nice, cos i can play it...lols, but the chorous doesn't sound nice when played on piano leh. Nice only when played with one hand.

Nice english songs, those "screaming" ones that i appreciate (i seldom appreciate those songs, cos too noisy le...lols, but these i list here are okay) are Simple Plan Welcome To My Life and Green Day's Boulevard Of Broken Dreams. The lyrics simply rhyme, nice... My all time favourite are westlife's songs, most of em =). Got other nice english songs to intro mahs? I seldom listen to english songs de =x.

Ok, enough song talk. Lets see, what am i going to do tommorow? No one ask me out...my best pal cum long time no see friend...(lols) is working...haiz...then my another best pal still in China, went back for her hols, so good... Nvm, school reopen can crap with them! Someone talk to me online! I'm dying of boredom soon! I really admire my friends who have siblings and they say i'm the only child so good... Good meh? Good in a sense no one to fight with you things, other than that i don't see any advantages leh. Ok, think i better stop, otherwise this would become a crappy entry! =p

Wednesday

2005-10-12T17:57:00.000+08:00

Today reached quite early bahs, 2 minutes before 9am. Hehe. So logged on at 8.58am. Then there's lecture again. After that went back to the class continue doing our stuffs for the project. Then, Diana (i think that's her name if i'm not wrong) sat beside me. Asked me what am i gonna use to do my e-commerce website, i said the VB.NET web application. Then she say she is doing mobile application de...

Not long after received an sms from Alphonsus. As usual he is late again lah. Never once early de leh. I think if he reach school early hor, it will rain very heavily that day...ahaha... Okok, joke only =p, i do project till very stress, now i must relax here... Nvm, he asked me a "very funny" question, whether is there any teacher in the class?! Then i just replied said no and then ask him why. His reply also "very funny"... Tell me he is at square. LOL. Okay... Then not long after my supervisor come liao. Lucky never ask me much things, its actually deal with other student matters de. Then because i email him say why my ipop system no project title de, then he say must submit the project outline at neverland there... Then he told me to tell Alphonsus do the same also... That's all. When i told Alphonsus this, haha, his reaction, very funny. Then he ask me what time our supervisor come in, what he asked and so on. Then i assured him its nothing de lah.

So "sad" sia, my partner never pei me today...LOL! Haha, kidding lah, actually he told me he has something on so i ask him to go first lor. Later like the other time like that. Then maybe this time is his gf leh...so cannot be late mah...haha. Anyway, i'm gonna logout soon le. Time check: 4.58pm, yeah, time to log out! So, i quickly logged out and quickly left. Its freaking cold in that room lah. If only i don't have to stay in that freaking cold room to do our work... But what if someone came to check on us and i'm not there? I'd be in deep trouble lor...lols.

Mum came back and i asked her for the survey results. Finally she brought back the questionnaires le. Time to tabulate results...

Unhappy

2005-10-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

Todays' Monday, my working day, need to report to school. Went to school at 9am as usual. Then as usual, refresher lecture...wah, good sia, still have step by step guidance to help you in your project. Hee =). Then as usual lah, Alphonsus still haven't reach yet leh...he always late de -.-". But then he good lah, ask people to sign in for him at 7am -.-". If can, i also want leh...but don't want lah, i good girl...ahahaha...*evil laughs*

Was working halfway, and i was using battery. Battery almost flat le, somemore the place i sit no more power source le, so went to sit with my Alphonsus since no one sitting beside him. Then continue doing the project. Made a few changes especially the use case. ER diagram also modified cos we did wrongly...

Lunch time... Had lunch at canteen 1. The school's really quiet during the hols. Some of the stalls in the canteen are also closed =(. Ok, so after lunch, continue doing work... I analysed the ER diagram...and decided to improve it. So i decided to list all the entites and attributes first, keeping in mind what are entites and attributes, constantly referring to the DB TB. After that, i set out drawing the ER diagram le. Initially it was tough. But, i tried to figure it out and did it step by step. In the end, still quite okay lah. Almost wanna give up liao...but then i know if i give up then no result mah... Argh, and the thought of doing somemore BCEs because of additional use cases -.-". Drawn so many BCEs liao, sick and tired of it le...can i not do it anymore?! Ahh, wanna cry liao...sobs, sobs...

And, omg, haha, my partner like very stressed sia... Shouldn't have sat beside him...lols. He tired also don't dare to sleep sia =x. Very funny... And i really must say sorry and thank you to him... Sorry because he rushing for time but yet wait until 5.30pm because i can only log out at 5.30pm, thank you because he actually can leave at 3++pm since he log on at 7am, but he stayed until 5.30pm. Rushing for time can tell me mah...then can leave early lor...aiyo, he hor...lols, dunno what to say...

Now back at home and here taking a breather! Facing problems, or should i say family problems bahs. I'm like stuck in the middle and i can't voice out my thoughts, cos elders like to say this phrase alot, "da ren de shi, xiao hai bu yao guan..." Ok lah, me still a little child here, what i say also no use. What if, the more i say, the worse it becomes =x. I'm feeling quite vexed bcos, you know, they "fight" then, you can't do anything and just listen on to what they say... Quite fan lor... Nvm, i don't know how to put it...

I may seem happy but i'm not... Its not the project matters, its just this problem...

*wishing someone could make me smile*

*how i wish there's a shoulder i could lay on*

*how i wish there's someone who would listen to me*

*how i wish i could rant all my unhappiness*

**i wish**

***all these are just wishes, would they ever come true???***

FYP!

2005-10-08T18:18:00.000+08:00

Its been so long already. Finally, FYP starts on 26 September 2005. Actually i was not looking forward to this day cos i ended up doing in-house project. I didn't knew what i was supposed to do at all. Went for the day 1 briefing then after that we were brought to a room and we found a place to sit. We have to sit at that same place everyday until the in-house project ends -.-". Then my supervisor ask me and his other student to discuss the project. Introduced abit. His name? Alphonsus... Unique name eh. I've never come across this name before... I think its like 1:1000 among all the people. So rare...haha. First thing he asked was, whether i mind having to do a joint project. Then i say what's the project about. His other student then showed me...its an e-commerce website on mobile phones! Hmm, interesting!!! Then i read through his TOR and proposal. Then my supervisor say he got another project by the admin office or another project proposed by my mentor de if i do not want that project. So i was thinking, the other two project is individual de, why not do joint project better? So i agreed to the joint project. Then our supervisor gave us alot of suggestions for our project...so good...

So, i just looked through the TOR Alphonsus did. Now, since its joint project have to add in the personal work description. We discussed abit, then i say i help him improve the TOR... Couldn't do much on the first day cos i didn't bring my lappy at all. Then went home improved TOR all those thingys. Finally done on wednesday. Wednesday, start to do the AFD. Then, my partner ask me what to do, so i just said maybe can do the survey to gather user requirements. Haha, think i'm too focused with what i'm doing le... My partner kanna "stressed". When we were leaving, signing out, Alphonsus told me don't so stress, just starting only...LOLS! I looked stress meh?! Hmms...

Then the following week, which is this week, Monday, did use-case diagram and descriptions. After that, Wednesday, the BCE... Dunno who ask me not to do the BCE ah, if i do will kill me -.-". So i very ting hua de, i don't do lor...i do ER diagram. Then Alphonsus let me check the BCE he did. He very wierd one, he do liao i still must check for him de -.-". Hahas. Become like teacher checking students' work. LOLs. Hehe, no lah, actually he no confidence of what he did...aha... So nvm, i just check. I see the first BCE he do only, wierd wierd liao. I stared at it for a long long time...... Then i draw again, cos i know something wrong le. And omg, subsequent ones i need to re-draw also...hahas... Nvm... Then i just explained to him where he gone wrong in the drawing... Whole day was doing BCE... Yucks. Kinda getting sick of it liao... Can this be over soon?! About 5pm, i'm getting kinda restless le...don't feel like doing it liao leh. Reached home i'm like half dead... But then still need to do it...

So far, this week ended like that...hahas. Heng ah, luckily didn't go for internship, somemore individual, if not worse! Now still got someone to ask and help me...good good...

More diagrams to do...urghh... I wanna give up already...sobs, sobs. Anyone willing to give me the inspiration to carry on??? That motivative spirit of mine is dying out soon, just don't have that motivation already...

Work

2005-09-23T11:29:00.000+08:00

I only have one week after exams for break before fyp starts. But, i knew, i had to work again. No choice, short of one worker, really cannot manage lor, so i go help, even me also busy, shou mang jiao luan...haha, very messy. Just help to clear all those paper works. And a good news, perhaps i will take over my dad's business. Anyway, even in this line of business its quite difficult to earn money already, let alone other businesses =x. The plus point is, my dad could be expanding his office and he allowed me to look for another person to help out with the business. I have one person in mind already =). Don't know whether she would agree or not. That person can say i'm close with de...but i haven't told her yet, wait till time is closer then break the news to her.

Tuesday while going down to collect letters, i saw Hong Hao at IMM, such a coincidence. First question he asked me whether i'm going for chalet or not =x. I said no, cos i am working. I guess perhaps he came there to get the chalet stuffs with Derek bahs.

Wednesday was the internship briefing. Just went and met my supervisor. After that went out with Jennifer for lunch and recky my workplace at Raffles Place. There are lots of buildings there, everywhere i go i see buildings, hahas. Anyway...well, i don't wanna mention here...sian... I only told someone my problem...nvm nvm, its always me, i also don't know why. Perhaps its really "fate" bahs. Now, i really in this thing called "fate". I hope, this thing i lost, i would have gained something useful as well......i really hope so...

Thursday and Friday i stayed at home, cos Mei Yee came back from M'sia already. So i treat it as "my holiday period". Recently, i started listening to the radio more often, and i realised something. Music rang wo gen jing cai! Really!!! Just now Junyang's Guardian Angel was on broadcast on 93.3FM. Ahh! I luv his songs! Even those Jay Chou's songs that he sang, i think its also very nice. Although, previously i hate Jay's songs, yah, i admit i hate... But, now because of Junyang, i like!!! He really has that talent to become a jue dui superstar! I didn't know that an admiration for someone could cause you to change so much for that person... It spurred me to learn how to play his songs on piano. Tong Hua, Jie Kou, Qing Tian...and others. I started to go learn how to sing those songs also... I can say he is my inspiration ^^. I look forward to his album! So much wanted to go to superstar concert, but i know i can't, because the tix are expensive... Junyang's gonna sing solo, that's the part i wanna see most. There's also a lovers duet, Junyang and Candyce. I hope they would telecast the superstar concert on TV. Haiz...

Wonder how Lay Kuan and Kelly is doing now. I hope to meet them really soon when school starts... I don't know whether Lay Kuan, you would get to read this, but i know you are working now. Whatever you are doing, work hard, jiayou, don't give up okay. Maybe will go and visit you in the weekends if possible =).

Exams Finally Over!

2005-09-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally over... But, but, i've got attachment starting from the 26 Sept. I have only one week so called holidays. Why i say so called, because i still have to work la... Help out in my dad's office, cos short of one worker mah...just do what i can lor...

Alrights, lets see, during the study break, stayed at home to study lor...study till i quite stressed...-.-". Then Monday was SS paper, my friend Trina also taking SS mah, then so coincident, her exam venue same as me!!! So we exchanged tips and last minute study... Then Jiahui arrived le, she see me so happy sia, cos i'm the indicator to where she sits mah...haha... The paper is quite okay. Tuesday is WSAS paper, met Siti and Jiahui when i reached school. But its not even like 5 minutes i sat down to do last minute study, i have to step into the examination hall already -.-". Wednesday, IC paper, no one same exam venue as me. Vincent asked me where i sitting and which room i am...haha, he said he forgot where he sit le. So i just tell him maybe the next class, cos my number is almost the last one le... Reached Blk 56, not long after, i saw Jiahui, then she asked me for last minute study thingys, so just tell her, then she went off to her exam venue le, its at the other end. Stayed till the end of paper, submitted the paper then left le. Wah, just in time, reached the bus-stop, 184 arrived! Then just boarded the bus, and i sat down next to someone whom i felt quite familiar with... Ohh! So coincident, its Tin Song. Haha... He had MWS paper today lah... Wah, 3 security papers at 3 consecutive days, same as my friend Trina. Then first question he ask me, "tml QLA how ah?", "which topics examined ah?". Haha, he so cute sia. Still ask me which topic examined. Examination of course all topics mah. Then we talked, and talked... Talk about his secondary school days...haha, my god, he said O Levels he did half way his paper, calculator no battery?! Reach my place, we still talking sia. So i said i reached my place le, gotta get down le. Quite a nice guy... Got to know him from PQS class actually...heh... At night, Chang Ye called me?! I don't know whatever for lah, then i just answered my hp. -.-" first question, he asked me, i know who am i talking to or not...hp got caller ID mah, i would know the caller de...ahaha... Then he just ask me what important things need to study, cos he only focus on those important topics mah... Thursday is my last paper, QLA paper. Reached school, then met Jennifer. Then she asked me some questions, quite tricky. But, we both came to a conclusion...=) Then not long after, Chang Ye arrived le, asked me for last minute tips. Reached examination hall, omg i'm sitting right infront lor, first one in the row! First time sit right infront. Then during the exam, got 2 people keep on talking infront of me. So loud somemore. They got nothing better to do ah? Hahas... After the exam, met Chang Ye, then we went to the bus-stop together le... Gonna reach home le, realised Jennifer smsed and called me. Quickly called back... Then shocked to hear that she think she will fail?! Haiz...won't fail de...so i just encouraged her, tell her don't feel so depressed and no mood, otherwise affect her next paper. And, still got hope cos she did put her workings. Cos she still got another paper in the afternoon on the same day. Glad that she picked up herself again to have the mood to study =).

Haiz, Wednesday still gotta go back school for FYP IP briefing at 10am. After that meeting Jennifer for lunch! I will miss the times with her. Can say she is a closer friend to me for this semester. I think i don't feel so alone because of her... And i think she is someone i must learn from. I've never seen someone ever so optimistic about life before. Yups, so sorta looking forward to Wednesday.

Today, wenta work at my dad's office, bcos short handed mah, no choice...really very busy... Reached home about 8pm le... Dead tired. At home, Dad was talking about whether i can enter Singapore Uni or not, if cannot wanna enter Aust U? No way!!! I'd rather enter Singapore U. Don't wanna go so far just for that paper -.-". Why people in this world are so xian shi de?! They see qualifications and nothing else. You don't have that paper, out you go... How unfair. What's got it do with that paper?! No use de mah. Ok, maybe it is true that you would get higher positions and looked upon, but then so what lah...-.-". Really, think its ...... I think i'd probably end up doing business. Its the only line that can earn money. As in what type of business, maybe insurance...yah, car insurance...kinda getting abit interested into it le, cos i've been exposed to it since after my o levels in sec 4. You see, everyone who owns a car needs to buy insurance for their car! But, there's still a problem, there's so many agents out there! All yan beng one...ahaha...gotta "fight" with them...also quite tiring... Oh ya, back to the topic, i was saying, office was short handed today cos Mei Yee went home Malaysia, celebrate lantern festival. Quite sad without her, so quiet leh...

Oh ya, i can't get enough of Tong Hua!!! It just keeps getting nicer each time i play it on the piano. Then while i was playing, dad came out of the room and said, "Huh? You playing ah? So nice leh, i thought other people playing this piece on the piano..." Eh...i know i lousy, but then, really so fake meh? Haha. Its really me playing!!! Yups, i should upload the song i played on my lappy. Got a few mistakes though cos when i'm recording, i feel abit concerned to what i'm playing and i tend to make mistakes. But, without recording i can play flawless. That's without recording =(. Ahaha, can i say Junyang's my inspiration? I think he really is...... Now, i'm even trying to play other pieces on my piano, self learn at my own free time. Quite hard though. I need time...

Its quite late le, somemore tonight got ghost show on channel U - gui ling! Wanna go watch le...hee~

So Long No Update...

2005-09-04T20:45:00.000+08:00

Been busy with lotsa stuffs lately... And, i think, i'm getting a lil too stressed up for exams... Studied until i broke down twice today...arghz... Think lotsa things to rmb... I've got this feeling, "Die, not enough time to finish studying..." everytime... Really...

Oh yah! I watched superstar grand finals on Thursday night! My, my, its a long three and a half hours show! From 7.30pm all the way till 11pm! 7.30pm to 8pm was the preview of the competition, how the competition started off, the audition and all those thingys. And, i thought i saw someone like Steven! I thought he went for the auditions for the project superstar, cos there was a shot showing this guy singing for the auditions and it looked very much alike Steven! Aha, even Lay Kuan agreed with me too! Then 8pm to 11pm was the grand finals at the indoor stadium. And, the best part is, i get to see Junyang sing again!!! Hee! Then Junyang and Xinhui got to sing duet, the song, wu ding. Aha, Junyang and Xinhui got to hold hands in the song to sing. Junyang like very unwilling wor...LOL! *Gossip, gossip* Junyang like Candyce, but they claim they are good friends only...Hahas, okok, enough for this busybody thingy... Oh yeah, another good news, i read from the papers that huan qiu ying yue is signing up Junyang to path his music carreer? Wow, if this is really true, i look forward to listening his songs in his album!!! Coming up 30 Sept is Superstar's concert with all the 24 people. Haiz, really hope i can go, but the tickets are quite expensive leh. If someone can sponsor... Can see Junyang and Derrick...ahaha...

Exams are coming up...haiz...i've got 4 papers! Arghs...i must learn to relax!!! Haiz, but how? I'm just like a wodden puppet, so stiff de...must learn to be flexible! LOL... Okay! Everyone, for those taking exams, Jiayou!

Its Time For Some Updates!

2005-08-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

Well, well, so long nv update le. Was busy with tests last week. Now, gonna be busy for preparation for exams le. Time really flies. I thought i would be stranded alone this sem, but wow, at least i found one very very great friend. Although the times we were close to each other was real short, i really cherished every moment of it. Yes, its none other than Jennifer. We really click very well went we met. It started of with her asking me for answers. Then while preparing for lab test, thats' the time we started to be close bahs i guess.

Ok, lets see, let me update the happenings of the week so far.

Last week was Project Superstar semi finals round 5 with only Junyang and Weilian. Junyang was really good...he even got 44.5 for the last song he sang, which was the highest score judgest ever gave in the whole competition! And his overall was also higher than his competitor. Everyone would have thought the fiesty Junyang would have got into the grand finals right? No...its such a pity. Really sad... When the results were out, i think i cried...ahaha, i must be crazy crying over this sort of thing lah... Dunno why leh...just very wasted you know... His talent and passion for music... I was hoping he would win too! Nvm, in my heart, Junyang is already a superstar*. I'm sure his passion for music would bring him to greater heights...

Today, just went for QLA lesson to ask teacher question. So coincident! I met Jennifer on bus 75! I didn't know until she patted me on my shoulder. Ahhs, blur me =x. The teacher walked to the class damn slow. We thought he never come for lesson le. Then we went all the way to blk 47 looked for him. My god, on the way there almost lost. Then just asked some passer by for directions, i think he is a lecturer bahs. Ahaha, how daring of me rights? I told myself le, "don't know must ask, cannot keep quiet". This is my "policy" of life...haha, what talking me...=x. But really lah, keep quiet can die de... After that reached blk 47 le, went to the office there. Called him, but he is not in the office. I suggested asking the staff there, still must ring a door bell there somemore...like i not pai seh, i just press... Then the people there kind enough to contact our teacher... They found him?! He said he already at our blk there le -.-". So we walked all the way back. We took turns asking questions, after that he left le... Before we left for lunch, Jennifer wanna take the paper from the printing room...wah, she take so much...ahahas. Then she take for me also...so good... Remind me of someone ehz? Lay Kuan!!! Haha, she also like to take paper de... Went for lunch, after that went home.

Tests!

2005-08-23T11:58:00.000+08:00

Indeed, it has been quite a busy week so far. Completed QLA yesterday and WSAS test today. Actually i went to school earlier hoping that i could use the lab to practise before the QLA test, but then, the lab as usual was occupied for FYP presentation. Then Chang Ye also ask me to teach him before the test, so i just said ok, bcos i also want to go to school to practice and at the same time, hope i could get over and done with the first half of the test. The teacher split the class up into two groups. I was at the second group, but he said come earlier can do the test first, so why not?

Oh ya, back to where i was... I was saying the room was occupied, so i headed down to the square to do my revision and wait for my friend. Revised half way, he arrived le. Then i just showed him what to study...and you know what? He just studied for 5 minutes ok liao le?! Then i was studying for WSAS ah...then he...very irritating, or should i say talkative...keep on interrupting me... But all the topics he said is all of my interest de, so i gotta stop and listen what he has to say. I think he is also doing some kind of business le...some kind of insurance or dunno what broker lah... Then i was asking him after he graduate what he wanna do, he said work. Most people's answer is that... Then i tell him maybe i go U, then he suggested to me better not go SIM cos SIM is like ITE + poly + O Level Grads also can get in de...and its the not so recognised U among the universities.

Another shocking thing he told me is that in every 13 years there'd be an economic crisis. So the next economic crisis is in 2008? Dunno whether true or not leh.

Chatted halfway, we made our way up to the room le. Still having presentation there... and wah, so many people arrived le. Test started le, still ok...can get all the answers. Just hope can pass.

Today WSAS test, Jennifer arrived so early... She say she 8.30am arrived liao... Then we say beforehand we sit together to do the test mahs... Ya, so i sit together with her do the test. Our questions abit different, but got a few still the same. So we compare compare and do... Then as we do, we laugh, until the teacher also noticed us and say why we keep on laughing throughout the test! Haha...funny cannot laugh? -.-" The teacher also say she expect us to break the highest mark currently 76. Funny thing is we submit together, we got the same mark!!! Then we laugh together! LOL. Cos different questions, as in some really different, i don't even have that question, also can get same mark de! Then still got half an hour, we played games! Haha... I didn't know she play counter strike, diablo all those games de... Wah... We like same type of games... I also like those boyish game de, but now no chance to play cos i don't have those games le. Last time always spend my time playing at my cousins house de... I got no lesson liao, so i went home, then she got QLA test. Gave her some hints on QLA test =). She helped me alot for WSAS also leh...so must treat her good also... She's really a nice friend. First time someone encouraged me and boost my confidence before the QLA test.

Ok, next up SS test. This time its open book, but still gotta revise a little... Argh, 3 tests in a row... Kinda drained... More coming up. Exams! 4 days in a row!

Happy

2005-08-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

My friends like to "scare" me by calling me from the back. I dunno why also... Today met another friend from my secondary school. While i was boarding the bus, suddenly i heard him called, "hello Pamela" from my back. I thought, "who's that?!". Quite shock though, because i haven't seen him for quite some time.

WISP lesson was okay. Handed in my final assignment. Finally all my assignments done. Met at the square for Jennifer to do QLA with her, cos she asked teacher and got something tested. There was only one lab available to do QLA which is 06-04. Only that lab have DS For Windows, pathetic. And because this week is all the VIVA presentation, most of the time the room is occupied, then we would have to do our things faster...

Yesterday also went to the lab to practise for QLA test after QLA lecture, but turned out the room was occupied. And, guess what, inside the room, San Nien was presenting. Funny thing is he can sit down and present de, and somemore no need to wear formal. The supervisor and second marker i know them. Its Mr Tan Choon Peng and my IC teacher, Mrs Sujatha. Then one hour later he came out le, i asked him how was his presentation. I see him like very stressed...hahas. Then he tell me his project only 50% done?! So i asked him got confidence will pass or not, he said get D he happy le?! Haiz... After that i have to rush down for SS tutorial already.

SS tutorial ended, i went up to find my friend. Haha, she still there... Then i practised with her until 1.20pm like that. While practising, she talk about her life in ITE. Then got to know lots of things about her... She is actually the batch before us, because she is sick for one year. Then she told me before she was sick she was very slack and lazy de... I don't believe leh... Now she is really very good... Really among the tops... When she said she got ADs for almost all her modules and a high GPA of 3.95, i gulped...that's super clever... Then she said only after she come back then she is hardworking...cannot be lahs...hahas... And, i think she knew Lay Kuan also... At first i also don't believe, then i describe to her Lay Kuan and asked Lay Kuan... Lay Kuan really knew her also... What a small small world... She is also really easy to get along with... Maybe what we want to talk about is the same. *winks*

BOYFRIEND?!

2005-08-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

Only 2 hours lesson for the day and that's it for the day... Tuesdays is my relaxing day...haha. Reached home having a bad headache. This morning i already don't feel quite well... I studied abit then went to take a nap... After my nap, gotta go over to my grandma's place for lunch... I didn't feel any better after the nap... Infact, i felt worse =x. Came back, went online... Caught up with Lay Kuan on latest happenings and stuffs. Then suddenly she talked about that "i like who" topic again -.-". And, how she know i like quiet guys?! Then she say she got a friend like that also wanna intro to me?! Argh...people these days getting wierder le... Please ah, i don't want! Hahaha!

Next, is my best buddy since Primary School, Tuan Yong. I find it wierd she chatted with me, bcos so long never chat with her le. At first i thought nvm, maybe just chat chat only... Then she suddenly ask me i got bf or not?! Don't know what makes her say that. Then she say i not young liao, must find one?! Omg, my friend like that, she also like that... Very scary one lohz... But, cannot run away from this topic one leh...haiz...everytime keep on talking about it. I change topic, they talk about it again?!

Haiz, friends ah, don't keep on talking about bf this topic leh. I hear about this topic i wanna run away! Very scared of it liao leh... Don't know what's so interesting about this topic...haha! When i have one i will inform you all de, but have to wait very very long ok? Must have patience ahs...hehe.

This Week

2005-08-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Friday, Jiawen saw me again... My god...call this fate or what?? She is my primary school friend. Lost in touch for 5 years or so, because different secondary school. Then poly first day, i saw this familiar face. I knew straight away it was Wang Jiawen!!! Haha... We met again. Same school, same course, and same major! This semester she like to creep up from my back de...haha... So sometimes i was thinking, "who's that?"

Saturday afternoon, i watched Project Superstar encore. Arghz, our school's contastant, Derrick was out. Haiz... His main problem: yao zhi bu qing... So wasted...I think its the way he sing. What i liked about him? Haha, i only think he's cute!!! His smile can really melt your heart. Haha, maybe only that's what i think.

Saturday, i lazed around at home for the whole day. Boring rights? Nvm, i still have the TV to accompany me!

Today's Sunday. I went to IMM for lunch and bcos parents want to get somethings from there also... Really, lots of people -.-" That place is always full of people be it weekdays or weekends de. Then today, my dad parked until 6th floor, which is open air. Wah...never did we park till such a high level before. I guess everyone went there because parking is free! Shopped in Watsons and Daiso. Toured the whole of Daiso. The Japanese are really innovative! Their products are really creative.

Tommorow is the beginning of a new week. Tests and more tests coming up...arghz!!!

Life

2005-08-12T11:19:00.000+08:00

Went to school at about 10am to submit my leave application at 8th floor General Office of Block 31. Also, went to the library to search for some stupid book...haha... Then went home le. The school is unusually quiet today? I think only year 1s are having lesson at the School Of ICT bahs. Year 2 and year 3 is IS day for them.

On the way home, the condo management manager saw me, then asked me whether someone passed away at my place there. I said ya...then he asked me who?! I just said its my great grandmother... Then he thought its my grandmother?!!! Choy!!! Touch wood... I just realised the importance of cherishing people while they are alive... I regretted not visiting my great grandmother often. I remembered the last time i visited her and called her, she gave me a warm smile... Its no use now... I will never get to see that smile again...

These days, keep on bumping my friend Trina. She has her MBA assignment to complete... Then we went home together and talked about many things... She chose in-house project? Then i ask her why not choose Internship? She say don't want to go out there and work? So funny de... Maybe its a little tough i know, but really, there'd be exposure to real life experience. A little patience and tolerance would do... Nvm... i know i'm gonna face difficulties in my IP project next semester... I'm prepared for it. I heard from my friends doing IP project now that what we learn in school are just the very basics, and we'd have to learn ourselves mostly everything from scratch. I guess this is part and parcel of life.

No WISP lesson today. Should have gone "visiting" Lay Kuan and Kelly and find them for lunch. Anyway i've got no lunch here as well. Hehe... I'm too lazy =p...

*Life is unpredictable, cherish every moment of it before its too late*

Finally!

2005-08-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

Finally, after many late nights...today chu bin le... Today's the day where my great grandmother was brought to the columbrium (wrong spelling?) While many other people are celebrating the Nation's Birthday, i can't... Just no mood...but, i tell myself i must stay strong... Ok, put sad things aside...

Hope i can have a good rest today... Many many tests coming up...must study hard... And gosh, how great, tommorow's WISP lesson is cancelled?! Cos, the teacher's on medical leave?! Happy but at the same time also worried. Happy cos i'm free, no lessons for the whole day, means i don't have to go to school tommorow. Worried cos there'd be a replacement lesson still...sian...

Lets see, what have i done this week... Basically i only remembering myself going to my gradma's place everyday... Ok, other than that... Monday night, was ranting to Lay Kuan my problems... Got one more problem haven't tell her yet...guess i'll leave that to later... Why i share with her my problems because wo men shi hao peng you ma...hahas...okok, everybody is my friend. Actually got another reason why. I just feel comfortable talking to her bahs... Another person i'll rant my problems to is Kelly...heh. Chatted with her till about 1.30am like that, then she left le, i also left, cos i was quite tired already.

Tuesday, drafted a letter for leave on Thursday to attend funeral cos want to submit it on Wednesday. Again, i slept at only about 1.30am. Wednesday, the briefing of Microsoft Exchange Program. I want that software!!! Visual Studio Web Developer 2005 Express Edition!!! Powerful software! With just several clicks, drag and drops, everything is done! Amazing! Then briefing finished le, its about 6pm when i reached the bus stop at my place. I quickly rushed to my grandma's place, changed into the attire, then joined in. All the way to 12am again. Reached home still have to bathe. I slept at around 2am.

Thursday, which is today, i went to school for lesson from 9am - 11am for QLA lecture. The teacher finished his lesson early at about 10.30am. Then quickly rushed back to my grandma's place le...

Finally, all has ended today. So much kneeling and standing up continuously to do! My knee still haven't recovered from the NAPFA test! Still painful...sobs sobs... Tommorow still need to collect the ashes from the columbrium... Hmm, i think i still need to head to school tommorow despite no lessons...for something else, to submit my leave lor. I haven't submitted on wednesday yet, because i don't have the death cert with me yet, then i ask the person there, they say need...

Currently waiting for dinner to be bought back. Arghhz...hungry...hahas...okok...i shall stop here le...

.Sadz.

2005-08-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether to say i'm suay or what...

My great grandma just passed away today, this morning... Why heaven must take away good people so early and let those bad people stay on earth longer? I don't understand...

Later gonna go over to my grandma place again...

National Day is on Tuesday... Primary, Secondary Schools and JC have half day, because they've got celebrations for National Day, but we don't have...sighz... Its gonna be a full day for me, till 5pm tommorow. Haiz...tired...

I'm gonna rest for a little while, then i have to go over le...

Reasons To Be HAPPY!

2005-08-05T16:15:00.000+08:00

Reason number 1 to be happy: WISP Assignment 2's over. Heave a sigh of relieve.

Reason number 2 to be happy: I got my attachment. Its like after so long...finally... Heave another sigh of relieve. Its better than ending up doing in-house project...

Reason number 3 to be happy: Met Lay Kuan + Kelly today! They went to submit their report. Think today is report submission dateline day. Met some other friends from our class too... It seems like class 10 reunion day today...ahaha...so happy rights? Ate lunch together with Lay Kuan and Kelly. We headed off to canteen 3 first, then cos Lay Kuan wanted to eat sandwitch, so off we went to Atrium. On the way, i asked Lay Kuan about the infrared thingy on my handphone cos i cannot find =x. And when she say is that black box there on my phone, i was like..."orh, at first i also think its there leh, but i thought its the battery." Then i say i put my phone the other way round, no wonder cannot send to my com lahs... Haha, think Lay Kuan, you know the whole story right? Damn funny, i laugh till i got stomach ache... Then Lay Kuan started nagging and nagging...ahaha! I think i crap alot with them...hahas...being with them can really crap alot... And i think i express myself best infront of them ahs...really!

Soon, we had to part again...haiz...damn sad... They need to go back for work again mahs... If only today they take whole day leave, i can go out with em...

Reached home le, damn sian, nothing to do!!! Hmms, well, i'm gonna search for something to occupy myself for now...

I HATE myself!

2005-08-03T16:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was NAPFA test. I was the only girl in the class who take part in the NAPFA test...heh, but then nvm lah... Then I saw Wee Kiat, San Nien, Wan Xing, Jia Yi, Tian Ci and Chun Shen. So the NAPFA system goes this way. We were all supposed to take number tags and the people in charge there would keep our student cards. I think its in exchange for the number tags. First station was sit ups, standing broad jump, sit and reach, inclined pull up then shuttle run. Last but not least is the 2.4KM run. That's a killer ok! Imagine running 6 rounds on the track field. I think i ran 7 rounds. They used a stupid system lahs... Use people to keep track of the number of rounds you ran. If the person never see you, or miss you, or something, then die lahs. You do extra only. Whatever... Think if i were to run 6 rounds, the result would be the same. Fail... So nvm, who cares? Haha.

Oh ya. Met a number of people yesterday too. Number 1 on the list is my lower secondary friend Qianhui! She's changed alot. I didn't noticed her at all. She was the one who called my name first. And even after she called me, i'm still blur. It took me awhile before i recognise her...hahas. Next, is my primary school friend Jiawen. 7 years have passed and our paths did cross! Same school, same course, same major! What else next? Hehe... Then she shouted my name ahs...so brave...lol. Actually i knew lahs, then i waved to her...haha...i act cute only...lols. Finally, i was waiting at the bus stop after the NAPFA test for my dad to give me a lift home. Missed 2 184s and 1 75!!! If i knew, i'd have taken the bus home. Then saw Nicole getting down from the bus. So just waved, saying hello to her. But i think she's in a hurry, so she quickly left le. Then today she said sorry to me online? LOLs. Its okay...

Chats with Lay Kuan are getting interesting... She....... Ahaha, cannot say. Later she get chopper to kill me...lol...kidding...

Today i have SS lecture and SS practical. SS lecture, Jiahui they all never come...so i thought alone lah... Then the teacher mark attendance. He said he mark himself cos last week he got full attendence...then he suspect something lahs... After finish marking, Charlie came to sit with me?! I knew him from QLA cum IC class. I don't know what for leh...He sit with me throughout the whole lecture...then never ask me anything also. So feel abit wierd wierd...haha. Then the SS lecture as usual, quite dry and boring lahs...can fall asleep one...

Went to library to slack for one hour. Nothing to do also. Then went for SS practical le. Jiahui they all came...haha, finally have company le! Reached home suddenly received an sms from Chun Shen asking me WISP meet where? What the... I was like... How come not me informing you the WISP thingy, then suddenly come ask me...hahas. Then got to know is Siti told him de...then they plan not to meet for WISP today liao mah...hahas. So funny, he come and ask me. So just tell him we are meeting tommorow to do.

I'm having some thoughts now... It concerns my future. This just sucks ok! My dad likes to oppose me. And he will say all sorts of things to prove that his thinking is always the best and i MUST follow what he thinks. Then my mum issn't any better. She'd just sing along with my dad. This makes matters worse. I'm feeling terrible. I argued with him yesterday... But i ain't good at out talking him. He's very good at talking you know...very sian...hate that feeling of arguing with him... That's what happens when your parents have much education... So highly educated then make me have more stress only. I must be as good as they are? This is what my grandma ALWAYS tell me. Very fan you know?!!! I'm feeling very vexed... What should i do to prove my dad wrong? Why i must stay in his "hands" and always get shielded. I'd never learn this way. I know! He doesn't wanna let go and even have a first step for my independence... I feel stuck. This sucks!!!

Boring and Tired

2005-07-30T11:47:00.000+08:00

This week was rushing for WISP Assignment. On Friday went to school to prepare for the presentation, but in the end we did not present, because we saw that other groups were of very high standard, and if we went out and present, we'd be very dead, cos we were not that well prepared yet... So, we decided to make the slides more presentable, and clearer, and perhaps add a video? I think we'd be better prepared this coming Friday...

Yesterday Lay Kuan chat with me, asking me about something in her report. About the Professional Issues thingy... Tried to help her, so hope she understands. Then i think she went MIA for awhile, i thought where she went... At night she come say sorry to me saying she never reply? Haha...i understand de...LOL. She say scared that "wo bu li ta" meaning next time i don't reply her...lol... Bu hui de lah...haha.

Was very tired, so went to sleep quite early. Then i actually woke up at 8.30am this morning, but i went back to sleep again, in the end i awoke at only 9.30am -.-". Did nothing much, watched a little TV. Its cartoons in the morning on channel 8. Then just nice, there's Doraemon at 10am! Aha, i know a little childish lah, but nothing to watch leh. Doraemon's pocket is really full of surprises. If only i had that pocket like his right??? I must be daydreaming!

Nothing much to do now, so just come online. Lunch later is going to be Pizza again -.-". Hawaiian Pizza from Pizza Hut.

Update again next time.

Miserable

2005-07-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

Today i only had WSAS practical. After that i have no more lessons. So, went home... Called grandma late, and because she never cook anything, so i had to settle my own lunch. Then i told her nvm, i just cook packet noodles and ate. Once in awhile, packet noodles taste nice also la...=).

Completed my resume and then emailed to mum for her to check for me, cos she said she wanna help me to check... Haiz, so what's up next? There'd probably be an interview...i'm numbed...the first interview screwed up... But, i hope no interview...resume still not enough info there?! I wonder, i thought this project require 2/3 students, how come the supervisor only sent an email to me ask me to write resume? The other student who chose this project no need?! Or is it like what Jiahui told me, the supervisor know that student, and so yah, he just pick him, no need to see anything... Hey...no fair! LOL. Anyways, nvm, i think they just want to see your ability bahs, nothing else...

Sometimes, i really feel there is no freedom...not as in i'm not allowed to do this and that all those things...well, how should i put it? Just feeling very miserable, and i'm feeling this has become a burden to me?! Keep on thinking about it...why can't i have my own way! Then all want me to go that "alien" place which i do not want to! Stop forcing me!!! Then they got to mention it everytime!!! I just don't want ok or not?! Yes, i'm not talking about my friends at all, its just my parents plus relatives!!! I can't take this anymore... I don't know why they like to "force" me in doing something which i do not like at all... Its for my good i know...but, i tell you, i don't like i won't do any better... I think its just like my primary and secondary school days bahs. I just don't like studying then, cos the subjects are super dry...english, chinese, science, all the languages, year in year out for 10 years!!! Its just getting tougher, that's all! But no choice, have to study...just that i don't do well everytime. Then got scolded "stupid" everytime...reason? Because my cousins and other people out there can do so much better, why can't i??? Sick and tired of this. I'm not stupid ok, just maybe, slow in learning... All individuals are different. All learn at different paces. Am i right? I explained to them so many times le, but they just die die want me go there -.-". When would they feel how i'm thinking?! Just wanna breakdown and cry, but no use...it doesn't solve matters at all... I just hope someone would understand how i feel... My friends, maybe some of them, i hope so...

Today!

2005-07-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

Lets see, went to school at about 10am for IC Lecture... When i reached school, i was still early. Then Vincent arrived. As usual, he gave me that tired tired look...like not enough sleep like that... Aha, so don't agitate or irritate him, i keep quiet...hahas. IC lecture was quite fast... Then left for QLA lecture with Yi Lin and Chang Ye le...

Yeah, i got back my QLA paper... I was surprised, my linear programming question fully correct?! I thought i did it wrongly. Hmm, overall the paper quite okay, i'm quite satisfied... Then after the teacher went through the paper we can leave le... Yi Lin went to look for her friend. That Chang Ye suggested to go MAC at King Albert Park for lunch, so i just said ok, anything, then Tin Song also followed us... So i left with them...me and 2 guys -.-". Really no topic to talk about them when they keep talking about the dunno what game lah...something like Star Craft / War Craft de... The name of the game, dunno what galaxy de...forget liao... I think the games guys like to play would always revolve around this type of games ah...hahas... On the way while walking out of school...i was on the opposite side of the walkway, then i think i saw Huiping! She was with her friend! I didn't recognise her wrongly! I keep on looking the other side...i thought i saw wrongly at first...but no! Ahhs, missed her lots...my secondary school best pals along with Shuling! Although got some misunderstandings, but we are still friends right? Hope misunderstanding cleared...=) Everytime see her, mei you yuan fen one...didn't get a good chance to talk with her...haiz... One day must have a good chance to talk with her...haha...

Ok, back to the topic...i was saying, we were going to MAC for lunch. They were discussing whether to take the bus or walk there... I said walk can? I don't have bus concession...hehe. Then they all just said ok lor... Wah, they so good...so qian jiu me?!!! Haha! Along the way just listen to them crap... Some jokes really lame lor...i also laugh...haha!

Reached there...so many people, most of them from RGSS i think. So many groups of them, mostly from Raffles Girls! Then the queue was soo long, sian half -.-". Then the guys volunteered go and buy. I just told them what i want... Then bcos i want my drink changed to ice lemon tea instead of coke and i also want curry sauce, Chang Ye made a remark said girls are girls, very ma fan one...-.-". Ate le, went to Cold Storage bcos Chang Ye wants to buy his hair gel...then left for school le cos got WSAS lecture at 1pm.

WSAS lecture was fast, next was WSAS tutorial... Got back my two practical tests...... The teacher went through the tutorial then we can leave le... At QLA class while waiting for the teacher, did the SETs. I got 3 to do... Then if you haven't finished doing them, there's got this system that would keep generating reminders and send to you...irritating! So i quickly completed them... QLA tutorial just do one question only...then can leave le. I left with as usual, Chang Ye and Tin Song lor...i think they are the only 2 i know better in QLA class, including Yi Lin. It was raining heavily then... Took 184 home with Tin Song...

Reached home, bathe, then online saw Lay Kuan! Its so rare seeing her online at home, at night! As usual, she playing neopets! Hehe...i know liao hor? Her favourite pastime online...lol! Then i gotta prepare dinner and go eat le, she also need to go offline go do her report...so sad...but she say when she free she will come chat with me...wah...so good...me so touched...bleahx...=p.

Thoughts for the day:

Actually, i don't know whether to feel happy or sad sometimes. Happy but after that sad because of a setback... I want to run away from reality, but reality just appears right infront of me... I just hate this feeling of regret... Just feeling sad... I hope time can recover my wounds... I really hope so...

Updates ^^

2005-07-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

Friday night, had dinner at......err...well, its not in a restaurant, its outside in an open field with hokkien opera =x. My dad fetched my second aunt there in our car, we went together. On the way, my second aunt was talking about Mei Yee...cos she 26 liao still no bf?!!! Haha...think is her expectation high bahs... I just listened to what my aunt say... She say if the guy ugly she don't want liao?! Haha, she judge guys based on looks, -.-".

Reached the place, one table for my family + relatives. My relatives who were there included my uncle and aunt, second aunt, third uncle and aunt and my god ma! Haiz...my cousins never go... My dad told me there'd only be 4 dishes and rice. So i quickly eat alot in the first two dishes ah...scared not full mah...hahas. My second aunt also thought only 4 dishes so she also ate alot for the first two dishes...heh... But turns out, my god ma told me got 9 dishes in all! I was so full by the fifth dish already. The food quite okay lah...comparable to those in the restaurant.

At the place, we were talking and gossiping with each other. My third aunt again talked about her children?! She talked about her eldest daughter, every friday like to go out until so late...till 12am... Then her second son, got gf already, she say she worried, scared like the guy who go commit suicide...if the girl don't want him. Then my third aunt suddenly say i matured already?! Haha, like real...

Saturday, went to my dad's office to help him cos Mei Yee went home back to Malaysia, cos her sister give birth... Just helped to issue CI, fill in forms and issue cheque...wah...so busy...no time to even take a breather! Before i realise, its already 1.30pm. Just made my way down to MAC for lunch. Bought back to the office to eat. Cleared up some things then left. Reached home at about 3.30pm. At night, wenta Suntec for dinner. Then shopped awhile at Carrefour. Bought my usual sushis!

Sunday. We went to IMM for lunch?! Ate Long John Silver sandwitch, actually its wrap lah. I tried grilled teriyaki chicken. Quite nice, maybe because i'm hungry... Bought A4 paper because running out of A4 paper at home to print documents. Then left for home le...

Tommorow lesson starts at 10am for IC Lecture cos week 10 and 11 no regular practical and tutorial but IC Demo, and i don't have IC Demo tommorow...so i only have to come for lecture. Hmm, hope can get back QLA paper tommorow...

I still have to work on my stupid resume writing...sian... Why me? Why i have to write resume? Dunno leh...-.-".

Sad

2005-07-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning, with tears still in my eyes. I have a feeling i was loosing you any moment... It seemed so real. Second time i am having this sort of feeling after a very long time. Arghs...i dunno =x.

Then tonight gonna have dinner...so gotta prepare and get ready early. Now, writing my resume for my IP. Haiz, so many things to write...nvm.

Chatted with Lay Kuan... Really can talk freely with her... Guess i feel comfortable talking with her bahs... She suddenly tell me that she hate programming?! So, i see the real problem now... She say she helping Kelly to complete it or else she cannot finish her report?! Haiz...why always like that de?! Then Lay Kuan tell me some things Kelly did..which is..haiz..why like that?!

Ok lah, gtg bathe now le...update next time.

.Xin Shi.

2005-07-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

I have xin shi again...haiz...cannot say la, otherwise why is it called xin shi...lol. But really, feeling really very frustrated now...so that's why i come here to vent my frustration?! Nvm, not feeling any better though!

Oh ya, i got a call from my project supervisor when i least expected it at about 6.30pm today. Luckily i was outside and not couped up in my study room, else i'll miss the call again. No good news...sobs... I have to write about myself and to forward to him through email then he send it to the company. Meaning i have to write resume about myself lor. Isn't it the same as interview? Just that it isn't face to face. Err...what does this mean...*nail bitting...i dunno =x. This issn't something good. How come all the projects i choose need this type of "confirmation" thingy de? Haiz...worried, worried... Hmm, gotta write resume...haiz...why why??? Is the project so difficult? Omg...got a feeling again...i think.......oh great, i'm "thinking" again...-.-" I think......something not good is going to happen...

Still got no idea who is that "???" who tagged at my tagboard, and he keeps playing guessing game with me -.-".

Being at home is real boring. I miss my friends...

Home Alone

2005-07-21T12:39:00.000+08:00

I forgot to mention, yesterday, 3rd aunt came over to grandma's place for lunch as well...haha, another talkative aunt...she talks so much lah, from the moment i sit down, until she went to take bus off to work there, still talking...lol... Then while eating lunch she was talking about her son, which is my cousin, but i seldom talk to their children de, cos they seldom go to my grandma's place, so i don't really know them =/. She talked about her eldest daughter, haha, which is still younger than me, anyway, by only one year, and hah, she's in JC...haiz... Then she say that day she bought a book, then bcos her daugher likes to read alot, then there was one day, she stayed up to read the book till very late, then the next day have school, then the mother scold her...blah blah blah... Err, i was thinking, this is good what, read books...lol... Then she say her english very very good...top the whole school... Omg, i feel like she is suanning me sia...really... Then i got nothing to say, cos my english is very lousy... Cannot compare with her...nothing to say. I don't like to read books that's why. Hah, but every individual is different. Am i right? Then she talked about her second son. He got gf?!!! Then the mother tell me sec 2 got gf liao?!!! What?!!! Then the mother say its the girl's fault...haha. Then somemore he this year sec 4 leh... Although i dunno him that well, but, better make sure he does well for his O levels lor... Relationship, next time mah...not now...next time there'd be plenty of time for that. Can only study once mah, next time when you're older cannot study le... True right? ...maybe abit only...

Then my grandma, as usual, everytime i go there for lunch, she will say the same old phrase again and again one de leh...-.-" She won't get tired repeating it everytime meh? She always talk about "last time......" Everytime she starts on that topic, i ask her shh...haha...bcos i know she gonna repeat again -.-"

Haiz...now gonna go over for lunch again...my grandma gonna nag again...lol... Very sian, alone at home... What am i gonna do next??!!

SS and QLA Paper

2005-07-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

Common Test is finally over!

Yesterday was SS paper. I think the MCQ quite easy, and i think i made some stupid mistakes. Sian... Saw Uma at the staircase lending at the Sports Hall. Then was talking to Uma all the while about her project, cos so long never meet her le. Dropped by at the co-op to buy chocolates with Jiahui and friends, but i never buy any... Then after that went home le.

This morning's QLA paper was okay...

Reached quite early, about 10.30am. Very few people there. Met Chun Shen first. Then he started asking me questions. Then Chang Ye, Tin Song joined in too??? Ask me more and more question sia...then all ask at the same time de, i don't know explain to who first =/. Then all ask me write my words bigger so later can copy -.-". Oh yea, then Yi Lin arrived le... Went in to the LT. Sat with my friends. I think the paper should be quite easy...most people left quite soon. When i raised up my head, Yi Lin was gone le...then after that Tin Song left, left me and Chang Ye... We all sat through the whole paper... End of paper, i ask him about the Linear Programming question, cos that is the question which i think was the hardest of all the easy questions. Then he keep on thinking need to draw graph sia...haha, no need lah, question never state...LOL. So, left together with him...

At home, online, help Lay Kuan write her overload module letter. Then sent her... Chatted a little, then talked till overseas =/. Heh. Then i remember because last time DSA assignment, i help her solve her problem, she say want to treat me drink de...owe me 3 semesters le! Hahaha... Then she say Friday ask me to go down then she treat me...lol. Hmm, have to see first...see whether i free first...Maybe i will go, maybe not.

Listening to Westlife's albums songs, niccee!!! I can listen to them a few times... Hmm, Roxette songs are nice too... I miss their songs now...maybe i'll listen to them later.

Ya...and i'm figuring out how to play Tong Hua slowly already...hope i can play it really soon =). It'd be nice if i can play it and then memorise it...

.Tong Hua.

2005-07-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

Hey, i got my Tong Hua Piano Scores! Yay! Much thanks to Derek who found it for me...thanks, thanks! Hah, i still gotta figure out how to play it...looks quite difficult...but i'm gonna learn to play it! F Major then on to G Major...my god...F Major has B Flat and G Major has F#! I hate to play chords with sharps and flats! I prefer C Major! Ahaha. Ok, to those of you who don't learn music, you all wouldn't know what i'm talking about now...haha...ok i understand... I'm talking greek! Heh! All the dao geys...haha...my mum always says this when she sees my music scores, cos she doesn't understand them at all one bit =/. Hehe... Ya...i can play a little of Tong Hua already, in C Major that is...i figured it out while listening to the song a few times...and then play it on the piano. Not easy, but i get the hang of it awhile =). I bet those people better at music are able to play the whole piece already then... My listening skills aren't that good yet...sad...

Yups, happy happy, cos i got what i wanted! Hmm, if there is guang huai fang shi music scores, it'd be good too! Now i'm only playing the simplifed version with both hands...and i figured out by myself then! Then i play it non-stop, cos the music is nicccee!!!

Okay...relax pamela...don't get so excited just because of the tong hua piano scores...=p. Ahaha...

*grins*

.Tong Hua Fantic.

2005-07-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

Another rainy day...arghhz...

Today, damn unlucky, or should i say its lucky as well? As usual i always go to my grandma's place for lunch. Then it was raining heavily that time... Was walking down the stairs, then reached le, i accidentally stepped on those slippery tiles, i almost fell ok! But luckily i didn't...phew~ And i looked around, see if anyone was around...heng, no one around, didn't see me almost slip down...lols...otherwise very very gan ga... So i just pretended nothing happend and carried on walking... Then again, second time i almost fell ah...-.-". I think my slippers are giving way or something, or is the road just so slippery??!! When i was on my way home, it was still raining... I almost fell again -.-" urghz...

Hmm, someone posted on my tagboard, dunno who lehx...put "???" somemore -.-". Want me to guess sia...how i know?!!! Okay! But i think i know who...so i just need to confirm with that person, but she always not free one leh...haha...

Yeps, i luv tong hua so much that i started figuring out on my piano how to play it! Altho i stopped learning but that won't stop me from figuring out how to play my favourite songs! And, finally, i figured out how to play the chorous! But, i really wish i could play the whole song, both hands of course =). Got to slowly figure it out bahs...or if anyone can find the piano scores on the internet, help me download kays? I want it badly ahz...lol.

"dang chuan shi jie de ren bu li wo de shi hou, ni bu ke yi bu li wo......"

"jia you... ... ..."

Common Test Stress

2005-07-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

A boring Sunday... I think i'm too stressed studying for my common tests, i don't have mood for anything... But, i've got only two papers...well, my peers only have one...how nice... Its okay lah, two only...ha-ha.

Friday gonna have dinner...dunno what purpose also leh...my dad suddenly tell me Friday going to have dinner at some hotel, someone invite us de...think its my god parents.

These few days, its been raining almost everyday...and its very cold...brrr... When will sunshine come out again? I miss the sun...ahah...lol.

NAPFA test on 2nd August. I'm not even prepared or trained for it. I have no choice but to go, not because i want, but because, it said that it will hinder my chance of getting into University... I want to try to go to U...so...no choice, i need to force myself to just take the test. Good also bahs...just to see how "fit" i am... Just hoping to get a bronze? Or perhaps a silver? But i think its impossible for a silver... I have no stamina now... You ask me to run, i'd be breathless in less than half a round... I need to start swimming to build up my stamina again... Or just jogging would do...

Good old Monday again tommorow...study, study, study... Tuesday is SS paper at 1600 hours. So late... Haiz...its not under we students control. They put the paper to start so late in the afternoon...sianz...

I wonder how's everyone now? My fair-weathered friends at attachment, Kelly and Lay Kuan... Really misses them lots... Oh ya, just heard from them that the SA teacher is working at the DBS building near their place and they've met her for lunch! Ahh, so bad i didn't get to see her. Then i heard from Kelly that the SA teacher was talking about me. Said that i'm a hardworking student?!!! Ha-ha...very funny...cannot be...i bet there are other people 1000x more hardworking than me. Or i guess, lecturers/teachers all think the same way: who wouldn't want students who are hardworking? I guess they'd be glad if ALL their students are. My mum was a teacher before, so i know...ha-ha. Then, i thought this semester i saw the SA teacher in the lift. So, it wasn't her...probably i "miss" her too much lah...haha... But, i think the side view looked really like her... Probably some day i'd go meet them for lunch and they can ask the SA teacher out for lunch as well then...

Oh wells, those doing attachment, it'd soon be over... Soon it'd be my turn...haiz... Hope it'd be something i look forward to then!

Project Application Round 2

2005-07-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

I chose my project le...just hope i made the right choice... The title of project: Employee Self-Service/Knowledge Management Portal. Sounds quite chim right??? Those people whom i ask of about this project all said so... They said its difficult...but what is easy? Nothing in life is easy right? Might as well not move and be a stone man -.-". Ha-ha. Good thing is this time, nobody fighting with us (its a team project). Good...but then see first whether i get it or not...

Today, Sem 6 electives results realeased le. Lay Kuan and Kelly never check until i informed them...hor hor hor...bleah =p. Luckily i remind you all rights? Heh... But turns out no good results...sad for them...stupid...no C programming offered... Why did they put there when they know that they won't offer it...stupid and so unfair lor... Then Lay Kuan only got 3 electives...Kelly got her C programming replaced with IMGT. They all ask me to write appeal letter for them...haha...i agreed but only after common test when i'm free-er...

Cold cold day...snif snif... Okay, gonna go to sleep now...nitez...

.Rejected.

2005-07-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was rejected for the interview, so i gotta go for round 2 project application. Jiayi was so lucky...he got that project...me and the other guy was rejected. Then Tian Ci actually applied for another project from that company de, in the end, he got the same project as Jiayi...so lucky for him... I expected this outcome...I knew i would be rejected...

Sad...I hate this feeling of rejection... Never been so upset before...why am i rejected? They really choose the best of the best... I think that's the cruelty of real life situations. Haiz...gotta go through second round of project application...and its the same old list, just that those that were taken up were taken out of the list. I really do not know what to choose now...hopes dashed...

Now, round 2, they still list the medi claim project there! But now required only 1 person?!!! I was like, what?! The company already choose 2 people for the project, now they want another person...what if the other person choosing the project was rejected as well??? They put there to "trick" people is it?!!! Really unfair... I wanted to choose the HEAT and helpdesk project at NCS again, but then i thought, if it requires interview again, and i got rejected, there wouldn't be round 3 project application right? Then, it would leave me with no project =x. That day, 4 people went for interview...i guess they must have chosen someone there... Then, currently, the medi claim and the HEAT and helpdesk project taken up full house again -.-". I wonder how they'd select again... I got no choice but to choose other projects...

I wanted to choose PSA project de... That was my initial choice before i saw the NCS project. Then i remembered Steven now having attachment at PSA...so i asked him how his project there. Chatted with him...and wah...he really did his "homework"... He told me the salary of most of the staffs there... The salary's quite attractive for them though... A SA can earn about $7000/$8000...wow that's alot! Then he told me quite alot about his job...what he does there and what he learnt... Then i "complained" to him about me rejected from my interview...hahas... He feel sad for me?!?! Quite fake sia...lol... Felt much better after talking to him... He's a nice guy...lol.

Well, i still have to look through the project list again later... Still some projects i have in mind though... Really hope i could get the project i want then...

Internship Project Interview

2005-07-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

Today was my Internship Project Interview. Wore formal, really formal. Blouse, skirt and heels. Jiayi was nice enough to meet me so that we can go together cos his interview is right after mine. I didn't know the way there from YCK MRT that's why. Then later this morning, my mum called me and told me that she want to fetch me to YCK MRT. She told me that she would fetch me at 1.50pm from home, but turned out she reach home only at 2.25pm so my mum said that she can fetch my friend there too otherwise we may be late... Told Jiayi to wait at the pessenger pick up point outside the MRT station, but my mum missed the place and so asked him to go further out, outside Anderson JC. Haha, he was prominent cos he wore white tops and black pants. Reached the place at about 3.05pm. Saw Tian Ci there. The first person went in for his interview already. When he came out, we were all so enthu, and we quickly asked what question the interviewer will ask. Next in was Tian Ci, he took the longest...

Then my turn...actually i fidgeted a little, and there were some questions which i didn't expect... Like, ask me what i would be working when i graduate. I said i would venture into other areas and maybe business, to help my dad out in his office... Then she asked me why, i said, because IT this field, every year there are many graduates, what we learn now may not be relavant into the working life next time.......... Then she say, then what you learnt now, wouldn't it be wasted? ........... She also asked, if lets say i'm not given the option to help my dad, what would i do? I just anyhow reply, said that i would start a business on my own, maybe software developer...haha...as if...really don't know what to say at that time... Then she ask me would i be boss or to work under people? I say work under people...... She say very contradicting.......... Then she add on is it because i am not sure to make decisions? I say, ya, maybe...... god...maybe i shouldn't say that...shit... Very negative...but i really don't know what to say at that time le...

Jiayi's turn, he came out and told us he talked about the pizza ordering system assignment for EVP and the interviewer laughed?! Haha... Then turn out, the final thing the interviewer will say is, "don't be too upset if we did not choose you for this project......" Then she say that i got good grades...not because i'm not good or whatever... I think i'm the one not chosen....... I've got sixth sense... Please, DON'T let this be true...... I DON'T WANT to go round 2 of project selection. NO!!!

When i came out, two other people came, they are guys again... I really am the only girl... Seems like a disadvantage... Would the interviewer be thinking what i am thinking now..."guys are more capable" because most of them who chose the project of this company are guys...... I'm really very scared now... I'm prepared for the worse...very sad...feel like i'm rejected already... Hey, but all the guys quite handsome ah...lol...okok, joke joke...kidding only ah...shhhhh~!

Left together with the other guy who choose the same project as us. Together 4 of us. Turns out the other guy, he looks quite familiar, i think same PQS class as me... Then he left and went to SSDC. So, was heading to YCK station with Jiayi and Tian Ci... Then Jiayi suggested want to go to NYP to grab a bite... So i just said ok lor... Was walking halfway when it poured heavily... Luckily i got my umbrella... But, those poor two guys were running all the way till inside NYP. The door to the lift was locked. Went to second floor, the door there still locked... The canteen was the other direction. No shelter at all... Borrowed my umbrella, we went over one by one... Gotta cross 2 paths... Poor Tian Ci gotta go four times becuase he need to go over to "fetch" Jiayi after me... Anyway, i think my umbrella was too small, only good for one person. I was wet as well... But, i think they were wetter... Haha, who's good idea is it to suggest to NYP to go eat ar? LOL. Went there, ate MAC savoury tempura burger meal. When leaving, Jiayi said that i going to look for vice principal at a school -.-". Say so loud for what...let the whole world know...haha. Its my mum only...not some special person whats. Then he said cos my mum VP no wonder i so clever?!!! What nonsense...lol...no whats. After that left and headed to YCK station le...while leaving, saw the entrance there selling ice cream... Jiayi wanted to eat...haha, then he asked me want or not... I cannot eat liao le...just finished a burger, so full already... Then in the end he never buy...haha... He really can eat alot... Took the same direction with Tian Ci, but i stopped at Khatib to go meet my mum, her school just beside the MRT station only. Haha, my mum was waiting there at the entrance for me sia... Went to her office awhile while she packed her things to get ready to go off... Then left le... On the car my mum keep on asking me how's the interview... I said don't know lah, ask so many things...haha...

Reached home 6.30pm liao... Super tired. Bathed, ate dinner. Now right here... I'm feeling hot all over my body now...don't know why also... and i feel like vommiting......urgh...this feeling is horrible... Feeling sick =x......

*I'm missing "love", can't find anyone whom i can realate well with...

Surprised?!?

2005-07-10T11:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night went out to dinner as usual. Went to IMM for dinner. Tried the noodles at noodle hut. The serving is super huge ok......haha... I was sitting facing the entrance... Was eating halfway and guess who i saw. Steven and his girlfriend...at first i was shocked, then i took a closer look, i didn't recognise him wrongly ah...heh... His girlfriend was flipping thru the menu outside the restaurant, then after that they left le... Wah, xian mu...heh...

Went up to my dad's office to photostate my IC needed for the interview on Monday... Then went to Giant to get some drinks and food. Giant's opened till 1am on Saturdays... Shopped till about 11pm then left...

So, tommorow's my interview... Wish me luck again...... I got a feeling that i'm at a disadvantage. Why? Because all the candidates for these project they are applying are all guys! I'm the only girl here! So wierd......did i choose the wrong project or what? Then how come no girls choose this project...is it because guys are more suited for this project? If so, why the company never state they want guys only?? Ok, i know i ask alot of questions...cos i'm getting nervous and i can't help but start feeling afraid already that i'd be rejected straight away...

These days, i'm feeling the "how people think of me" phobia is getting stronger... But its true... For the coming interview, i think it would be even worse... One would have to be rejected cos its a 2 people project... Well, we'll see how it goes... I really hope i am NOT the one...

Drained zzZzzZZz

2005-07-08T17:30:00.000+08:00

I've not updated for a long long time...

Busy with assignments and stuffs. IC Assignment's just over... Finally...phew~ Stayed back in school today with lixin till about 3.30pm to complete IC Assignment... Helped her with some stuffs and improvement of the web forms.

Feeling super tired now...my back aches... I think its because i'm not used to carrying my laptop on my hand... Its straining my shoulder... And if in the bus i don't get places to sit, it gets worse...super straineous on my hands and shoulders. Slept at 2am last night to rush finish the IC Assignment. This morning rushed again to complete my report. I thought i was late for my WISP lesson, cos when i left home it was 9.40am. But, when i reached school, the teacher still haven't arrived. He's late. Saw Chun Shen already there, so i asked him how's his IC Assignment. He said still waiting for Lixin's search function...

Ya, i've gotten my attachment...How great, i need to be interviewed -_-. They never stated that this attachment needs interview and yet, there is an interview scheduled. Whether i get this attachment or not its based on my interview. All my friends' attachment does not require any interview thingy. I'm the odd one out... Then that Jiayi really also choose 58... Aiya, if he never choose maybe no need interview liao lah...hahaha...kidding only... Wish me luck for this interview... Just hope i get it ok?

Happy Day!

2005-06-30T18:22:00.000+08:00

Derek joined us for lunch today... Haha, i was surprised too... He came to get his laptop fixed i guess... Lunch as usual, "shitting" time...ahaha...must get used to it liao...aiyo...LOL. But, i never shit lah, heh...i very innocent one...bleahx...ok lah, don't crap...just joking... Then he joined us for lesson. The teacher mistaken him as a student and asked why he never bring his laptop...LOL!

Humph, someone suan me today... Don't know what's wrong lah... Lixin started off...-_-. Cos i think she sensed i was happy yesterday through MSN chat bahs...haha, anyway i was happy...=p. How she know? So "clever" wor...like that also can sense... Yesterday i never tell her why i so happy only, then she do the same thing to me today. I only ask her for what she choose for the FYP project, then ask me for reason and so many things! Arghh! Then suddenly say she know why i happy, but don't want to tell me?!!! Haha, very funny and wierd. Then also suddenly say i like someone.........zzz... She think too much liao lah...LOL. I think she thought of "that thing"......no need spell out here lah...too...... I think she too high today lah...lol...kanna influenced...hahas.

Haiz...nvm...upset, upset...she very bad leh...hahaha...

Today also very suay, almost reached my place liao, the bus suddenly slow down, and the engine died! I thought what happened. No more petrol? The driver tried to start the engine a few times, luckily after that ok liao...just shi huo only...false alarm. First time happened to me sia...

Haiz...i really really miss Lay Kuan ah...not her in person actually, her naggings bahs...shh...don't let her see this, she will kill me! Haha...

Happy, happy! Haha, still very happy, don't know for what also...=p...just happy lah...

FYP Project

2005-06-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Went to school for SS lecture... Jiahui and gang never come...so sad =(. Then luckily still got my friend, Jiawen. Thought why Jiahui they all never come, so i just called Jiahui, realised she went to see doctor... During one hour break, just went to library to kill time -_-. Saw Wee Kiat and Wanxing on the way to SS practical. Wanxing asked me whether i was going to celebrate Derek's birthday later, i said no, because school until 4pm, very tired le... I think that is the first time i talked to Wanxing also... Haha, first time, everything will have a first time. SS practical was fast...one hour can finish liao. After that, we can leave. Saw my 184, but gosh, when i reached the bus stop it left -_-. Waited for the next bus, either 75 or 184. While waiting, received an sms, i thought who it was. Derek suddenly asked me what time MEL service centre close??? So i just told him. It just come to my mind again, "your com spoil again, need to reformat?" Because, he reformatted his com a few times le.

Wonder what other people have in mind for their FYP projects. Jiahui chose 92. Jiayi got 57 and 58 in mind... He said full house le, think i'm the culprit cos i chose 58...hehe! Others i don't know yet. So much so for this...

I'm stuck for IC Assignment. I'm going to ask the teacher for help tommorow. Hope it helps.

Mao Dun =x

2005-06-28T14:03:00.000+08:00

Quite a few things happened yesterday...

Monday, as usual, my long day in school. Had IC, assignment starts le... And that Vincent...haiz..."qi fu" wo...in the end gotta "qian jiu" him... He snatch from me what i want to do sia...give me more difficult one to do...lol. I not saying i take easy one lah...but i already thought of doing that...lol. Then he complain he got alot of thing to do, he still got his AA assignment. Aiya, don't talk about him lah, he bad...hahaha...

IC lecture was okay. Then before i went for my QLA lecture, ask the teacher on the IC assignment... Then i realised where i've gone wrong...lol. Went for QLA lecture. Got back my QLA quiz. Scored 17/20. Haiz...lousy loh...All stupid careless mistakes. Then had lunch with my friends, Yi Lin and Chang Ye. Then she was talking about her FYP attachment, that her mentor already chose her for the project and already going for the interview, so ask my not to waste my chance there...because its like already taken... Somemore the project at Ubi...very very far... Lunch time, saw Jiahui they all at canteen 3 already. Just went over to say "hi". Then joined my friends for lunch cos no space to sit there liao mah. Then i was buying vegeterian food, saw the QLA teacher there also. Then so qiao, the QLA teacher joined us for lunch. Talked about life, our school work, working life...blah blah blah...interesting...

After that went for WSAS lecture with my friends lor... Vincent never come...hor hor...pon class again...lol. He went to see movie again with Jiahui and gang. Then saw Wee Kiat, i asked him sit with us lor...then he say i "zhong se qing you"??? Haha, where got... Then after lecture, my friend have 2 hours break, while i went for my WSAS tutorial class. We were all looking at our FYP project, then the teacher saw us choosing ah, ask us whether we got choose her project or not... She said her project quite difficult and challenging...heh...lucky i never choose sia, cos its individual one. I think if she is my supervisor really die lor...no hope le...

QLA lesson, we have homework to hand up every lesson, Chang Ye as usual, ask for my answer to copy...-_-. Just lend him...then he won't bother me liao...=p. At least he never copy blindly lah...haha... Halfway through the lesson, my hp rang, i thought who...the number i not familiar also, but just picked up. Its zip, my mentor! Haiz...call me for what... Just to tell me i never go for the NAPFA briefing??? So i just tell him, i thought NAPFA not compulsary for girls, thought only for guys...then he told me must go, otherwise would affect my results, cos its printed on the certificate... Ok, so maybe i have to go, at least no award can have "participated with no award" on the certificate instead of "absent" meaning fail... Of all people, choose to call me...hah...very funny. Then i ask him what's the briefing on that day about, he said he don't know cos he never go?! He never go expect us to go...

After QLA, bus-stop saw my friends again sia... Then went home with Yi Lin...cos she also taking 184. On the bus, Yi Lin was kind enough to offer to help me carry my laptop for awhile cos she got a place to sit... So kind...thanks so much...cos my laptop was really, really heavy...i dump all the adapter and battery inside. Talked to her abit then reached my place i thanked her for helping me carry my laptop...

Today is WSAS practical test. Its pair work...luckily Vincent came... So paired with him and do... We got some help from other people also lah...hee =). But got one question we never do...loose 15 marks liao... Then the server certificate question, Vincent's computer hang suddenly. Think its the background wallpaper... Can see he fed up...then the teacher want to leave liao...hah, the teacher always like that de, don't wait for you one lor...i kanna one time liao, i know this teachers' pattern...so, i just don't care, hand in lor...bobian...

I'm having some thoughts now... Has hate turned to love ever possible in life? I'm really feeling this now... Last time i hate that person, now slowly liking that person. I feel it amazing also. Got that feeling of uncertainty of whether what i'm doing now is right or wrong. Whether should i carry on hating that person or not... You tell me???

Restless

2005-06-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

Just feeling restless and tired today... I woke up at only 10.30am this morning, but still i dragged myself unwillingly out of my bed...still wanting to sleep more... So i woke up, had a late breakfast, then went online to do some stuffs. About 12.20pm, gotta get ready go my god parents home le...cos need to let my god father sign something. So, i just packed up my things, then left. The trip there was super long, cos they stay somewhere near ubi there... So you can imagine the distance from west to east... Almost fell asleep on the car... Reached there at about 1pm. Just went into the house...hmm, its been sometime since i last went there... Heh, their dogs are fierce...barking non-stop all the way, ever since i stepped into the house. Anyway, just went in for awhile, after that, left for lunch at a shopping centre, Marine Parade. Then shopped a little while...nothing special or interesting caught my attention...

At about 3.30pm, we left, cos the parking fees there are super expensive, comparable to those at orchard. Reached home at about 4pm. Slept a little while cos was very, very, very tired... Then decided to just come online, cos i was bored. Saw Lay Kuan online, so i just sent her the songs she wanted. Then chatted a little while with her...but i left soon cos i went to see house for sale somewhere near my grandma's place, 12 Cashew Terrace. That house is fully renovated, i don't understand why the owner wants to sell it. Overheard that he used it for business, maybe his business failed bahs, that's why wanna sell it. After that went home again, bathe, then online again......i think online-ing has become my hobby... When i've got nothing to do, i just go online, cos that's the fastest way to kill time i guess? But, so sad, Lay Kuan went offline le...haiz...i just miss the times together with her...i only knew her well for 3 semesters, wasted the first semester...cos...haha, i think only she knows the reason why i never talked to her in semester 1 =). Online till about 7pm plus, then went over to grandma's place for dinner. Watched a little TV, read newspapers. After that left and went to Shing Shiong Supermarket at Ten Mile Junction. Bought some food and drinks and otah.

Now, online again! Its so bored you see...=x. Currently choosing what i want for my FYP. Lots of choices, i don't know which would be the best. Maybe i'll ask my friends for some advices...

Loosing my sense of humour. Having lots of thoughts...

*still thinking about your words......hope you can spur me to greater heights...

Terrible...Down, Down, Down

2005-06-24T22:38:00.000+08:00

Someone told me to change for the better. My problem? He said because i said things too straight / direct...??? Eh...how true can this be, and to what extent? I never knew i said things so directly... So funny, first time people told me that... What's wrong with being direct? By the way, i'm also not that direct. Ok, lets say, if i weren't direct, people won't get what i'm saying right? And, wouldn't it be a waste of time if i go round about the bush? He said, saying things too directly hurts feelings... That i certainly agree. Because i felt that alot of times le. And maybe because i hurt this friend of mine also, but he just deny it... "This thing cannot be solved within one day, you need time to think about it yourself, how you can change yourself......Only you know yourself best" -- how true can it be when i don't know how to go about changing myself? =x. Is this how stress can make people to become? Telling me something which i do not want to hear at all. Feeling angry, and sad at the same time to know this is how people think of me. Wanted to cry, but no tears roll out. But, this also shows that a friend cares for you...well, maybe...this type of "care"? Argh, which is something i do not want to hear? Well, maybe to be caring has alot ways, this is the indirect way? Really like my parent, always saying something i hate to hear. I don't know...misunderstandings......

Growing up in a "comparing" environment, i occassionally still tend to compare myself with others although i told myself not to. There are some things i still do not quite understand, so i ask to know more... Maybe the things i asked are funny...but as long as i find out the reason, its okay. What i say, although its true, would always be very funny...don't understand... Of 10 things i said, 9 would always be wrong, by hook or by crook. Right things turn out wrong... No one wants to believe me...

Having sleepness nights. Tossing and turning on my bed for an hour or so before i could sleep... This feeling i've never had such a long time, and now, it happens to me again. I don't want to say i think too much again...otherwise someone would say me again......

Had lunch with Lay Kuan and Kelly today near their work place. I suddenly felt the distance between Lay Kuan and Kelly... Never meeting them for such a long time, suddenly lost the "touch and feel" with them. Longing for those days to happen again, but i knew it would not be back ever again, until some time later at our graduation when we meet each other for our "last times". Didn't knew what to talk about to them. But i think they were my closest closest friends in poly, so somehow, there's still some "muo qi". Missed Lay Kuans' naggings...heh...but i think i won't get to hear it for a long long time...lol. Now, i know how this feeling is...very terrible...although its your friend only... Time really pulls feelings and relationships apart... Really really wished, the earth would stop turning so that time would just freeze there... I know this is wishful thinking.

Feeling terrible..., would you like it if people were to pin point you? I'm not saying you, but anyone... Just can't accept this fact... Haiz...shi bai...always think of things de... Really don't feel like thinking so much. The more i think, the more i make things to be more complicated when its supposed to be simple. Feel like running away from reality..........but, is it possible? Tao bi bu shi jie jue de fang fa......haiz......

Its Just Another Day

2005-06-23T17:04:00.000+08:00

QLA quiz today. Thought after the quiz still got lecture de, but then the teacher bluff us, make those finish le wanna leave cannot leave, then after when all finished the quiz, he said sign attendence then can leave liao?! So its only 10am, next lesson is at 11am. Wanted to look for Jiahui they all de cos they also got break from 10 - 11. But then called her, realised she just left home only... Hor hor, she skip lesson...haha... So i just went to the library to kill time. Luckily i brought my laptop with me... Then after that went for SS lesson. Jiahui and Siti were there before me. SS lesson was okay...public key, private key......symmetric cryptography, asymmetric cryptography......blah, blah, blah... Then lunch break, waited for Vincent to have lunch together. They all decided to go to watch movie. Haha, Vincent also go...he skip lesson...hor hor...lols. So after lunch, they went to Yishun, Northpoint, or is it Tiong Bahru...hahas, to watch movie. I went to library again...to kill time...pester Lay Kuan, cos she having lunch, but she never reply me, only now then i saw the message, haha.

Times' up, just went to IC lesson. Thought would be alone, but then got a friend come and join me...cos her friend also never come. Today graded practical somemore, Vincent never come... Haiz, he better do it and upload to the server or else considered late and no marks. Haha, just repeating what's the teacher saying. So we were given time to ourselves to do the second part of this weeks' practical. Actually i did le, but then still got errors. So i checked myself first, see i can solve it before asking the teacher. And yeah, found out where i've gone wrong. Finally completed, so i just helped out my friend if she got questions. Teacher briefed us on the assignment, then left at 4pm. Left with my friend...then talked about our electives, our friends...

Then we took 184 together. Now at home le... Listening to Ou De Yang's new album's songs... Wow, very nice...really...every song... I recommend you all to listen especially the song Liu Se Cai Hong!

Its My Life!

2005-06-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

"A wooden pupet would always made fun of..." - well, this is for what i think. I ponder...

"Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao..." - i ponder again, deeply..... My father always said this this me. Kinda like brain washed liao... Sometimes it seemed so true...

"Lao Hu Bu Fa Hui, Ba Wo Dang Chen Bing Mao..." - very familiar phrase...

"Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover" in chinese called, "Ren Bu Ke Mao Xiang" - hmm...

What am i trying to drive at...well...nothing actually =x. Just starting to ponder very deeply again...

Sometimes i feel myself very looked down upon... Yesterday my mum just asked me what am i going to do after i graduate from poly. I told her i am going to try to go to a local University. If i cannot make it, i want to work le... Then she told me, "what?! You want to start working with just a diploma certificate? People are gonna look down on you and step on you......" Her words make me think again... But i wonder, people these days prefer poly grads. Even if you're from a University, some people still need to consider you. And take a look, many people who are jobless are University Grads. Am i right? So i wonder what makes her say this. Maybe she just wants me to study more and to know more... Afterall, she's also a University grad. So i think she thinks this way; if i also don't go to University, people will look down on me and her because they will think, how come the parents so clever, the child leh... You get what i mean right? People are very "xian shi" one... You good, people come look for you. You not so clever, people don't even bother about you... I'm not saying anyone here... But, i guess this is just how everyone thinks right? You see teachers, very good example liao le... Some teachers just biased one...

I feel i just don't have the talent. I mean, i'm just not as clever as my cousins. Luckily i don't have siblings else it'd be worse off. I think i'll end up fighting with him or her and get more stressed. This issn't the way. Why...why people go for the word "clever". "Ohh, you see he's so clever. Why can't you be half of him?" - i'm sick of this phrase. So what if not clever...clever, so what?! Very stupid right? Don't know why lah... I'm really sick of all these... Can stop comparing me with others? It just so happened all my cousins are a thousand times cleverer than me, make me feel so stupid... Well, maybe they got the brains... I got this cousin of mine, so proud de...humph...hate her...everytime i see her, show that proud look...like trying to say, "see i'm so clever, i'm in JC now...hahaha, and you, in poly! Hahah!!!" But, really lor, i think she thinks this way. Even adults think this way liao lor...they just never say it out only. I can feel one de...these things who want to say it out directly right??? Growing up in a comparing environment is super stressful. So, i only remembered once where i so called did my parents proud. I got 96 for Maths in p4, way higher than my cousin, one year younger than me de. But, aiyah, what for right? Compare, compare, compare, they happy, but i'm not... Win liao, so prove what??? Prove that i'm cleverer lah? Nothing lor... Eh, this game super tiring. Now its at least better liao... How to compare, cannot liao mahx. He in JC, i'm in poly. Well, all are in JC, i'm the first to go poly...super miserable right? Then cos there was once got a few As, then my dad go tell all my relatives that i improved liao, also very good...heh, this thing no need announce one mah... Don't know why, let people compare and say again -_-. Then all my relatives say me lah, "so you in poly also very good mah, must study hard..." Stress me even furthur only. Then my ah ma everytime ask me go help my dad... Aiyah, am i given a choice in life or not?!!! Hate people to decide things for me! They don't let me say what i think then decide for me le. Even if i say, they would just say, "what's so good about that? Do this thing better..." Stop picking me to compare! Rants, rants, and more rants.

Tired and upset...miserable...

[Sianzzz]

2005-06-19T12:38:00.000+08:00

Sunday, a day of sian-ness... Woke up in the morning feeling very "sickly". I never even switch on the fan yet i'm feeling cold...i find myself hiding under the blanket for awhile before crawling out of bed. Until now still not feeling much better... I can still feel cold when the wind blows.

Nothing really much to do now... Assignment's coming up...IC first...but luckily its pair work... Argh, more coding...i wonder who to seek for help if i have problems...haiz...really miss those days when i have Lay Kuan and Kelly with me...i think only they will listen to what i say...my nonsense and everything...lol. Nvm, now still have Jiahui and gang, and a few others bahs...better than no one at all.

Yesterday was out almost the whole day. Fetched mum to her wedding buffet first at fort canning park there first, then me and dad went to Suntec City for a late lunch. Bought sushis at carrefour. Yah, my favourite! Heh... After that mum called then we went to fetch her. Headed to Specialists Shopping Centre, Urban Warehouse, then OG Orchard Point. Damn tiring day... Then went back to good old IMM for dinner at Kopitiam. Having no appetite partially because i'm still very full from the late lunch i had and also i was having cold the whole of yesterday, sneezing the whole day.

Tommorow's good old Monday again... Really hate Mondays cos i envy all my friends who end school earlier than me... I end at 5pm ah...so late...and i hate to go home at that time...siansation...cos thats when all people end school and lotsa people at the bus stop. Nvm, one day only...

Friday

2005-06-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

Finally, the day which i've longed came today...Friday's the day... Finally can have a good nice rest...

Yesterday, while looking for softwares, i got infected with a spyware...shit... But, phew, i managed to solve the problem all by myself...heh =). Really must delete and search for all those files...and then run a few spyware softwares to kill them all... Yah, it might seem simple but then, quite tiedious... Anyway, don't talk about it le...its over...

Wednesday, Vincent kanna forced by Jiahui to attend SS lecture again ah...poor thing... Then Jiahui wanna ask him go to the practical lesson also...lol! After SS lecture was one hour break. Jiahui and Vincent both go disturb Poh Suan ah...haha...

Today, nothing much, just IS, WISP lesson, movie watching session! But its war movies lah, The Longest Day and Band Of Brothers.

I somehow feel the distance that we are drifting apart. Before, we have endless topics to talk about, now, its different. I wish that i could turn the clock back and be as we were before... Longing for those days which have become memories now...

[Overjoyed]

2005-06-14T23:30:00.000+08:00

Yeah, i'm overjoyed today! Haha...i must be crazy, being overwhelmed with such little things. But, i was really surprised. WSAS lesson practical... we were doing our practical as usual. The teacher suddenly come up to me and said, "Pamela, i've decided not to impose late marks on your wsas test practical because you never changed anything. But, make sure don't let it happen again ok?" She said this in a very nice manner and I was stunned, shocked for a moment, wondering what i heard is true or not. I quickly thanked the teacher... I was much more than grateful... Following that, the teacher even gave me a pat on my shoulder...heh...much needed...lol... But, really, i feel much lighter after that... Argh, but 10 marks still gone, cos i missed out the last question...actually i missed out the last question, it was already too late, that's why i stayed back to try on it to see whether it works, whether or not i have the mark, i didn't think alot about that...i just wanted to know i can do or not. That explains my late submission.

Bleahs, so contented with such little things...haha...that's me =). Well, i believe everything i've got is a gift in life. I thankful i got these things i got and i don't ask for more... But, to "fight" for what we should deserve is another thing... As in, i know i keep much things to myself most of the time. But, if i ought to speak up, i will speak up...

Today i had only one lesson which is WSAS practical from 9am to 11am... Haha, Vincent late ah..."fly" to school, he took cab...lol. So started doing practical... Then as usual ah, when Vincent ask me something, and he don't know, then after he knew the answer, he blame the paper; instructions not clear lah, teachers' fault lah...hahahaha...haiz...sometimes really really cannot stand him...nvm, sometimes i ren...lol. Take for example Monday, i went to library look for him and Wee Kiat, reached there, that row no place to sit...cos i thought actually can sit with them one row, then he ask me to sit on the floor?!?!!! I tell him go and die ah...ahaha, why don't he sit on the floor and i sit on his place instead!

Hmm...so ya, after WSAS practical, went to look for Jiahui and gang, Chun Shen is there also. Then Jiahui they all decided to skip AVFE practical. So, we just went for lunch at Alumni. As usual, Vincent and Jiahui both got alot to talk about... Actually is Jiahui suanning Vincent, and then Vincent very zuai one lah, don't know zuai about what...lol. Sat there ate, and then talked a little till about 1pm. Then me, Jiahui and Lixin headed for home. Vincent go and meet his friends for project i think. Reached home, i thought mum at home, cos she took leave until end of this week, then realised mum's car not in carpark, so my assumption she is not at home. So, reached home, called her through her hp, but no one picked up the call... So, i guess she must be driving... Then later mum called me, orh, she's at IMM Giant, she meet her Principal there... Haiz...that place again. Then i think they went shopping there ah, buy lotsa groceries.

Then, chat with Lay Kuan a little...haiz...chat with her, she always talk about these two things... Her favourite "win/loose" topic and gf/bf topic -_-. Haha...but then ok lah...then she say everytime i talk about guys at the gf/bf topic i sound serious...well, am i? LOL.

Just Want Someone To Share My Thoughts

2005-06-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

I've been having mixed feelings these few days. Sometimes, i feel like a chameleon. Yes, but something contradicting is that i just don't show it...even at the exterior. You see, chameleon changes colour when it is at different environments, i don't even show anything, i don't get angry, i don't show face. Wierd right? Maybe i'm just but a mixed-up chameleon. Should i say i just don't bother to show it or i just do not want to show it cos it will hurt feelings. Here i go again, i know you all will say i "think too much" yet again... All people have feelings and emotions, so do i. I just don't show it so readily. Other than in school, one moment i can feel sad, then another moment can feel happy again. I just need someone to talk to me, make me laugh, make me feel happy. Really...

Today super long day, 9am - 5pm. I'm the only one. Vincent end at 3pm, Wee Kiat even earlier 2pm. Vincent's been complaining the whole of today that he is very tired -_-. After lunch, went to 4th floor library look for Vincent and Wee Kiat. Haha, guess what, of course Vincent there sleeping ah...then Wee Kiat as usual surfing the net. I just went opposite to sit, cos no more place there to sit le, then nothing to do, so just read lecture slides. Behind me, i think one couple ah, then came another couple sit beside me... Cos they were so close to me, i could hear every word they say. Haiz...sometimes i just admire them... But, really i think if you have a gf or bf, you would feel very happy. Imagine the feeling of anxiety when you see him everyday, how you would feel when he smiles at you, what he says to please you... I think that feeling is very good. Hah, i must be day dreaming... Anyway, i never had that feeling before, cos i'm not given a chance eh... Wish that this chance come sooner~ Hahah...no lah...kidding...*blushes*

Its late into the night now, well actually its only 12.12am. Overwhelmed with that lonely feeling again...so quiet over here...

*i just want someone to share my thoughts*

[Mangled Thoughts]

2005-06-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

Humph...so sad...

One said i think too much...the other leh, make "fun" of me... Hmm...this phrase, "think too much", one week people can tell me 4, 5 times de...getting worse and worse liao... Don't know its them or is it just me?! Cannot be me ah... Concerned about people mah...so i ask to see how they feel, then they say i think too much liaos... Sobs, sobs... Haiz... Then, also say i don't know what is humour? Ok, maybe i don't know how to spell that word that goes, h-u-m-o-u-r. Okok, i must cool down and stay cool...

Gotta know why people say i "think too much". The main reason i guess, is perhaps, people misunderstand me...many times...

Okok, need to cont'd with my work liao...my friend here...really know how to relax sia...really admire him...

Sad

2005-06-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

Friday was the presentation for our first assignment for WISP. We see the teachers' expression...oh no...didn't expect some good comments... But, nvm, we did our best right? And, what's important is we learn from this experience... I think this teacher quite strict la...almost all the groups, even those that i think was very good, he only say like just above average only... He got high expectations, and i think he expect the ppt to be quite detailed and we say out the stereotype thoroughly...

Yesterday was supposed to go for siti's concert de...but shit...something gotta happen last minute...sian...cannot go...humphs...

Today, i'm going out for lunch again... Haiz...getting sick of outside food... But, we as human beings still have to eat...haha... Ok...i gotta get going now...lotsa things waiting for me to be done...

[I'm Missing You]

2005-06-08T17:00:00.000+08:00

My dad was asking me about which handphone i want to change to...then he ask me which hp can change liao, cos we got 3 hp in our family, one for me, my dad and my mum... Then i said my mum's one lor...got 2 years liao...only after 2 years then eligible for upgrade. Then he asked me want to change to Nokia 6260... He ask me how much, i said, with trade in $338 i think. But, i said don't want that one, too bulky liao, although it has got lots of functions. I said i just want a simple one would do, so i suggested 7260, you know, the one with the S shape. I like it when the phone has a combination of black and red... It just suits this phone nicely, and it extrudes its personality... What's more i think that hp got FM radio which i want. So, don't know whether can change or not...up till now he never even tell me anything... Really wish can change...

Met Jiahui and gang for lunch today. Vincent joined us later... His greeting? "Shit you in the face!"... How "nice~" can he get these days right? Then ah, he gotta talk about shit all the time ah, the different colour, the topping...aiya, grouse -_- Can't he be more, uh hmm, socialised? LOL. Haha, wonder how Jiahui stand him... Ok, nvm, don't elaborate more on it le, otherwise i don't even have the appetite to have my dinner...haha.

Missing some people at this moment... Just wish those days would be back again. So fun being with them. Well, if only i could turn back the clock.........or if i could get into a time machine to go back in time.........

Down, Down, Down...

2005-06-07T22:49:00.000+08:00

Today was WSAS Practical. Maybe i was abit slow...or i think i think way too much...simple thing do until so complicated...LOL. Then the teacher really what one leh... I thought i show her finish liao, i wonder why she walk away go help other people. Then she forgot put the tick. When i ask her put the tick cos i thought she finish checking, she ask me show her again?! -_- So, nvm i show... Then, i think i missed out the last part, last minute then rush... Then the last part supposed to be easy de...but then something went wrong ah... I check one million and one times...everything is correct... It can't display the page. There seemed to be a html page which i did not create, but it executes that page. I added my own html page and by right, it should execute that page, but it appears to be executing a page which i did not create hidden somewhere. Argh, nvm... Then i got this feeling, this teacher abit bias. Now, i finally understand how Jiahui feels when she said the OOP teacher was bias. Forget it, i really hate this feeling. Feeling abit neglected you know? Well, maybe here i go again...as everyone has always been telling me...i think too much... By the way, i really think alot? Haha... Well, maybe, yes...at times. Sometimes, i'm just too afraid to face the outcome...i'm afraid i can't take the outcome... Jiahui gave me a very good advice...well, she is right =).

At night, came the second scary news. The teacher emailed me said i was present, but no mark given cos i never submit the wsas script!?! What the?!!! I submit to her personally...and she collected from me personally!!! I will reason with her one...urgh...

Feeling so lousy today...this issn't my day at all today... The whole day, i just keep lamenting...not because of the test...but don't know why...you know...just feel down, down, down...all the way... Encouragement words from anyone? Haiz...sad... Just gonna pretend nothing happen. Don't want to show it in front of people.

Sensitive Nose =(

2005-06-05T12:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, ordered pizza from Pizza Hut for lunch... 2 pizzas for $23. One of them was Aloha and the other Hawaiian. Whole morning and afternoon was at home. At night, wenta Suntec for dinner at the Kopitiam. Then went Carrefour. Bought my sushis'! Then some vegetables for salad. After that, went to first floor, last 2 days offer for the clothes in IORA. So me and mum just went there to have a look. Saw a skirt that i liked... Lucky got S size... Went to try it, just nice...so bought it... Mum also bought a pants for herself. Wanted to see others, but gonna close le...they even off the lights sia...so no choice, we need to pay and leave. Reached home its 11pm. But i only slept at 1am.

This morning, woke up super late... Think its the latest. 10.30am! Scare me...i thought still 9am +. Ate breakfast. Then i got a urge to play my piano! So long never play it le... Took out my book of sonatinas' and play my favourite pieces...Still very much in love with Pachabel's Cannon in D by Bach and Guang Huai Fang Shi! Guang Huai Fang Shi i learnt all by myself how to play de...haha, still very proud of it =p. Then suddenly my mum came out, tell me that she very surprised i playing...then she also say, lucky the piano haven't turn rusty yet. My dad leh, he thought i record and play de -_-. Haiz...sarcastic...lol. Then now online to update bloggy.

Later going out for lunch again, don't know to where yet...

And did i say i got a sensitive nose before...? Aha, its always been bothering me... When it gets super bad, it gets blocked most of the time and i get watery eyes and feel very uneasy. Yes, that's whats happening to me now... Sneezing most of the time too...haiz... Just hope i get better real soon~

Ahah, ok, nvm, nobody reads my blog...so toodles~

[The Mask In Me]

2005-06-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

Alrights, some updates...

Thursday:
I had two hours break. Morning was QLA lecture for 2 whole hours... I gotta admit this is a dry module, with lotsa calculations and concepts to grasps, but ok lah, i like...everything we have to learn from scratch... Next was SS tutorial, met Jiahui they all...then Jiahui was talking about the new IBM notebooks sold for year 1 students this year...wah, damn cheap lor... Less than $3000 you get a new notebook. What's more is that they are all newer than mine and the functions are way better! T42 and T43 cost about $2400+ i think... Haiz...damn saddening...i got mine for $3000+. Urgh...nvm...

SS tutorial was okay...most of the answers have to relate to real life happenings ah, cannot refer to the book most of the time le...

Then, off for lunch at canteen 3. Vincent also came and joined us. Again, Vincent there, very zuai one lah, haha, don't know for what...no wonder Jiahui cannot stand him most of the time. Then was talking about handphones, Jiahui tell us she got alot of phones at home; hp plus the normal home phone. Haha...ya...so good wor, everyday can change phone de... Then make fun of her say that she like phone supplier sia...LOL. Hmm, next time i want to buy hp i go find her liao =p.

Then Jiahui they all left for IC lecture le...me and Vincent still got 1 hour more to go before IC practical starts. So we just went to the class first. Nothing to do, so we just surf the net. Then as usual ah, i'm really bored to death liao, i do the IC practical first... Anyway copy codes only... Teacher come liao, Vincent ask for the VB.NET disk to install...super long wait...but install finish liao still cannot work, even after installing IIS. Then the teacher "help" him by repairing again -_-, which means reinstalling... So gotta wait again lor...haiz...super long. Then he ask me when i leaving, i said i will wait for him... Then i see him play games ah, haha, so funny de... In the end he say all those game bo liao...lol. Finally, he decided to install at home... Another person come and ask us return the disk for him cos he cannot find the teacher...but we decided to return the disk on Monday. Haha, so one set is still with me now... Maybe i gonna copy the setup files to my external hdd to keep a copy *evil grinz* heheh...

Friday:
Reached school super early, cos got a lift from mum. Was the first to reach. Then, Chun Shen arrived. Ask me stupid question again...haha... I sit infront of that class...then he said, "this class ah?" Like he got nothing to ask like that... Then Jiahui and Siti arrived le. Finally, the teacher arrived. About 1 hour was on lecture on prejudice, discrimination and racisim. The next hour is for our assignment. We decided to do on music. After some discussion, we can leave liao. Waited for Lixin. Then Jiahui wanted to go home cos she needed to look after her grandfather. So we left our seperate ways le. Had lunch at grandma's place, reached home at around 1.40pm.

Today:
I may be smiling all the way. Laughing... Just to show that i'm nice. But deep in me, i feel sad, demoralised. I feel like i'm lost in the woods, suffocating anytime... Maybe i'm one who doesn't know how to express myself fully and appropriately, maybe i'm just tempermantel... I admit that this may be a bad point about me. I understand that short comings can be overcomed, but i'm afraid that this is the only short coming i can't bring myself to overcome it. Someone tell me how...

Whenever i'm all alone by myself, i let my thoughts run wild. Especially if i got a seat in the bus, and i'm at the window seat... Maybe that's when i "hu si luan xiang"... I just put myself in the past again...

Well, sounds scary right... Well, i'm not that... Its just whenever i'm alone, i think too much. I can't be that scary, ain't i? You always see me so cheerful always... I just hope there's someone whom i can always confide in, be it rain or shine, and be there for me always...and forever~

[Enjoyable Day!]

2005-06-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, was so uncomfortable... Feeling dizzy most of the time =/. Dunno why...

Reached school early to join Jiahui and gang for lunch... Then realised vincent not there ah...so quiet...so i asked where is Vincent lor, why never come? Orh, realised he got some camp, so never come to school today... Then Lixin say i miss him...lol...nono, this is called concerned =p. Haha, most of the time Jiahui talked about her primary school life cum childhood life... Realise the teachers abit ridiculous one, everytime anyhow hit people de... After that went for SS lecture.

SS lecture ah...wow, the teacher talked alot...and his 14 slides could last an hour... What's good in this is that he say lotsa extra information, then we were writing down notes frantically... Yes, we! First time i see Jiahui write so much on her notes also ah...haha! First time, lecture could be so interesting... After lecture, went library to slack awhile...read magazines...then left for SS practical le. SS practical also nice ah! First time had such an enjoyable practical. Learn how to "hack" peoples' computer...haha! Teacher went through the answers then left at around 3.30pm.

Reached home at around 4.30pm...

I can't believe it, i'm offically year 3 on 24 May 2005. I'm old liao...haiz... It seemed like just yesterday that i entered poly.

Been feeling i've been missing something these days. I wonder what it is...hmm...

5 more days to my dad's birthday! Mum's one is approaching too! Gosh, both my parents birthday in June ah... Oh ya, suddenly remembered another friends' birthday also in June... So many peoples' birthday in June...

[Mysterious Me]

2005-05-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

Super short day in school today... Only WSAS practical... When i went to class Vincent reached le...thought he usually later than me one, but today he earlier than me. Then while doing the practical, he keep on saying forget to bring his brain to school today ah -_-. Then when he's wrong ah, don't want to admit want...haha! I nothing to say lar...just pretend i never hear and see anything. Then i also very blur today ah...cos the URL very sensitive one, type wrongly cannot work le... Then he saw my mistake, a few times kanna said by him...then he ask me what's wrong with me today...lol...

Lunch was at SIM with Jiahui and gang. I ate hokkien mee. The portion is so huge and only $3, but i can't finish it, maybe two person share can lah. As usual ah, Vincent and Jiahui "fighting" all the time...haha...don't know how come both of them together lots of thing to say de...

Don't know why people like to talk about the topic "i like who...or so and so" this time... Keep on asking me who i like... Even if i like that person, that person don't know de mah...haha... Maybe i don't dare to say lah...but i also won't tell anyone about it de...=p. So, the person i like would always be a mystery. If only you know how to force me to say it lor... Sometimes, just seeing that person would make you happy liao, and then, just help if he needs help, i'm more than glad le... And, if that person know you like him, he will purposly avoid you de... What's the point? So......no use right? Hahaha...

I suddenly missed all my friends... Especially those gone for attachment... They're the life of our class... Miss Lay Kuan's naggings and Kelly, although i found her noisy last time... Wish that she could be still here nagging ah...haha... Maybe not nag lah, talk to me lor... Miss the times we had together...

[Long Day]

2005-05-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Monday, again, Monday Blues ah...haiz...

First lesson IC tutorial, but the teacher went through lecture... 40 over slides leh!!! Then that place was freezing cold ah... At first i was quite cold de...also freezing...but after that got used to it liao... Then Vincent arrived, sit beside me...ask me, "you not cold ah?". Ahah, i said "ok lah, got used to it le..." He is really feeling cold ah, keep on sneezing...haha... Then we got lecture at 5th floor, lecture quite fast cos only 20 slides this time round =).

After that he and Wee Kiat went to canteen 3 go install VB.NET the CD teacher lent him... Need to install over 3 hours plus wor...haha. I still gotta go for my QLA lecture until 12pm...haiz... QLA ended quite early, after that i went to look for them at canteen 3 lor... Jiahui and gang haven't reached yet, so we just went to find a place to sit first... Not long they arrived, with Chun Shen... All settled down for lunch... Went to buy fish slice thick bee hoon. The auntie got mixed up with orders ah...give me the normal bee hoon, then i told her i want thick bee hoon, need to wait again... Lunch, as usual, Jiahui and Vincent "scolding" each other...haha...as usual...both of them so "cute" ah...=p...okok, kidding, hee~

1pm got WSAS lecture...3 classes together. Me, Vincent, Wee Kiat and Chun Shen same lecture... Haiz... This semester always together with guys ah...found that all of them ah...haiz...don't know what to say liao... Vincent everytime during lecture ask me how many slides -_-, this one would be his very first question...can predict liao. Even QLA also like that...haha...all ask me for answer... Then all say, got any test or whatever, depend on me =s?! Stress sia... Me answer provider ah...=p.

2pm WSAS tutorial. Then was surfing the net at the com there, MSN just auto sign in, dunno whos. But, the nick very familiar! I guess it was my friends' one... It really is! Cos i saw my nick at the offline list! Tutorial also quite fast, 2.35pm finished liao. Went to the class to wait for the next lesson, QLA again.

QLA ended quite early too...at around 4.30pm, then left liao. Then i kept on thinking i forgot something...oh yes, i forgot to get the CD from Wee Kiat to give to Vincent tommorow ah...die liao... After QLA lesson, i suddenly remembered...then called Wee Kiat, but he never answered...anyway i think his lesson ended and he reached home liao... So, i think i need to explain to Vincent tommorow...

Yeah, today's a long long day, but tommorow's a real short one... Lessons end at 11am! Haha...so glad =).

Funny Joke

2005-05-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Haha...dad just told me a super funny "joke" just now that i laugh till my stomach still hurts now... On Saturday, he went up by the lift, from Mac there... Another person followed him in...so in the lift only that person and him... Then that person was looking at something, some CD i think... Reached 4th floor le, in front there have a wall mah...my dad turn right, while the person walk straight?!!! Then ah, that person hit the wall there, so loud even my dad could hear it... Haha, how come that person go hit the wall?! Think he too engrossed with the CD bahs... LOL! Okok, don't laugh le... Stomach still hurts...uh oh =x.

Reached home, remembered Derek put his thumb drive at my door there... I thought he put at the floor, near the shoe rack, make me search for it, how come never see some orange thingy de...at first i thought really lost le... Then saw it on top, at the shoe rack...lucky ah...otherwise don't know how to pay him his thumb drive...

Now exploring the thumb drive...wah, he got so many stuff in there... I wonder, he give me liao, he got make a back up of it or not...cos maybe he need to use it. And...i only need the access database file, he put so many thing inside...haha. Aha, and what's that WinXP Stimulator...? Me very busybody hor...haha...okok, must get down to work le...

Heh, tommorow lesson starts at 9am and ends at 5pm. Lunch would be with Jiahui and gang! The 5 of us...whee! Jiahui, Siti, Lixin, Me and Vincent! Then i can imagine ah, Jiahui and Vincent would be "fighting"...ahaha...its always the case... Yups, looking forward to tommorow!

IRRITATED!

2005-05-29T11:52:00.000+08:00

I thought i was going to loose everything...everything gone... It seemed so real... Then i woke up... It seemed just so true that i was going to loose everything just overnight... Very childish thinking right? Hahaha...nvm...

Then there was Derek's project...i did something wrong i think...uh oh =x. Then, cos he did it in Access...sent through MSN, it was blocked... Email also cannot cos the file was 13MB i think... Wonder why they need to block it...make it so troublesome de...super irritating! Oh ya, and Derek admire someone wor~ haha... He gave me two choices and would not say anything more than that...wah...how unfair can that be...i wonder who knows liao? Tell me! =p Haha...

Yesterday was at the book fair in Suntec City... Loads of people there...and in the lift...aha, being squashed, reminds me of the lift in ICT block ah...damn squeezy... Nothing much at the book fair this time...haha, boring... Then the shops at suntec city, every shop i passed by all got discount de...30%, 50%...Bossini, Bum, Levis...almost every shop lah...cos its the Great Singapore Sales now.

Today, i don't know what to have for lunch again... Maybe just make do with the food at the food courts in shopping centres bahs... Argh...stupids, it just started to rain heavilly...

+noisy girl+

2005-05-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

Well, today's IS day, and this time i only have one IS module, so its a short day from 10am-12pm. While walking to class saw Trina! So good, she going home, i just come for lesson. She chose lesson from 8am-10am mah...haha... Reached the class, no one i knew arrived yet...so just waited there for others to arrive... Not long, Jiahui and Siti arrived le... Then the teacher arrived also, he was a botak! LOL...okok, don't laugh... Ahah, but this teacher very friendly and go sense of humor, i can see it from the way he teaches... Some introductory slides and some chapters of Shrek The Movie was played...for us to learn about sterotyping...

After lesson waited for Lixin then we went to look for Poh Suan, Lay Kuan and Kelly for lunch at Tanjong Pagar. Reached there still quite early, then waited for Poh Suan to come out... Headed for lunch at Pasta Mania... Lay Kuan and Kelly arrived not long after... After eating, talked abit, then left le... Lixin and Jiahui followed Siti to BBDC for her driving test, while i got down at Clementi station and headed home... Reached home at 3pm...rested awhile then decided to do the IS homework le... Saw a message on my handphone, Derek asking me what is todays' IS module about...learn about what de... Haha...what wierd question...so excited to know what that module is about liao although he is taking it next semester. So just told him... Then i think i striked up a "conversation" bahs...end up "chatting" with him through sms...hahas... And i think i am noisy, cos i asked alot lah... No one to talk to here at home...so quiet, so just wanted to find someone to talk to...

Wei~ Creativex Fest is now on from 27th to 29th May... Maybe i'd head down there to take a look someday... Yups~ =)

sweet innocence//alone*

You, and more about You!

=A War In The Name of Freedom=

Wishes~

幸福

Missing You~

吴克群 - 为你写诗

Taiwan Trip : 7 June 2008 - 14 June 2008

李圣杰-很想说

I Will Be Strong

Tommorow Would Be a Better Day

All You Want To Know About Me

Christmas + Birthday Wishes~

011207

Hectic Life

Life as an Undergraduate in NTU!

Orientation Week Ahead

Graduation 2006 and Events

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Happening Day 23/05/06

Girl Power!

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...

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